Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

My DD is extremely shy and timid. She has only been around adults for her whole life and really doesn’t like children. My mom has always been my daycare. I have taken her to Music Together and My Gym in the hopes that she would outgrow this. She has been like this even as an infant. She turns 3 this month. Anyway, I signed her up for preschool and this is her second week (I only have her going 2 days a week for a couple of hours a day). She keeps telling me that she doesn’t like it and every time I drop her off they have to pry her out of my arms and I leave her there crying, which breaks my heart. I feel like Im doing the right thing, but of course part of me feels horrible to leave her in a situation that she is so uncomfortable in.

How do I break her from this or does she just eventually outgrow this? Should I be concerned that she is this shy? I see all the other kids and they all seem to have fun and cant help but think that I must have done something to make her like this.

Do you think Im doing the right thing by putting her in preschool?

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

yes, you did the right thing by putting her in daycare...the only way she will "get over the fear" is to be exposed to it

she WILL grow out of it

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

You did the right thing, and you'll see small changes and they will build to be bigger changes in her.

Sarah is very shy and has an extremely hard time with change. She's been going to her school for 3 years now and there are still mornings where she cries that she doesn't want to go. But I have seen a lot of change in her over the years and when she has a meltdown over something she wasn't expecting she calms down faster and is less reliant on sucking her thumb than she used to be.

And we've learned some tactics from her teachers. One thing that her teacher last year did that still works is to have her dry her own tears with a tissue and throw them out, then gather up all her sad/mad feelings in her hands and throw them out the window. It sounds silly but it works for her and she cheers up almost immediately.

This year her teachers told her that nobody is allowed to suck their thumb in school, and you aren't allowed to cry in school. So now she will often stand by herself and I can see tears in her eyes but I can see her trying to calm down and get it together, and if I ask her why she's upset or crying she'll tell me that she's trying not to cry.

I know how brutal it is to walk out that door when they are screaming for you, but I promise it does get better.

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

I hope she learns to love school & socializing soon. My DD is on the shy side as well, and like your cihld, has never been in a daycare setting or around other kids besides cousins and close little friends. She'll be starting school in the Fall, and I do worry how she'll do, since she is a bit shy and it's a totally new experience for her.

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

DS is shy around bigger groups of kids, though he does just fine with one on one play, or a small group. He has been around other kids quite a bit since he was an infant (not daycare, but through classes, friends, etc.), but he is still shy. It's his personality, and I don't think you can break any child of their shyness completely. They will either outgrow it in time or they won't. The best thing you can do is accept her as she is, but try to make situations like this easier for her. Talk to her teacher about this also so the teacher is aware and might make more of an effort to help her along. Maybe point out things in the school that she does like as you are dropping her off--there must be a toy or activity she really likes that she can use.

It's good that she is in preschool, she will need to get used to being in this setting with other kids. Maybe it would help to tell her about a time when DH or you didn't like school or felt shy, but got used to it?

Good luck, I hope she becomes more comfortable in time!

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

My niece is EXTREMELY shy and has alot of social anxiety but she's been going to school for a few years now (she's 5) and it has been the best thing for her. She's still shy but if the teachers work with your DD and not push her too hard to do things that she doesn't feel comfortable with right away, I'm sure she will florish.

On the other hand, my DD is very outgoing and loves kids and still had problems separating from me at school in the beginning. She would scream and cry and like you, they would pry her out of my arms. It took a good two months and it stopped - and she's so happy there.

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

I am a huge advocate of socializing shy kids but knowing what I know now about social anxiety disorders - they are real & don't necessarily go away.

My daughter's friend has selective mutism. Not saying your child does, but if you think it's over the top anxiety, I'd check out their website.

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

I have a friend who told me that she used to be extremely shy. Her mom got her involved in many extra-curricualr activities (even if she didn't want to go) and she said that helped her overcome her shyness. She is extremely social now and great at networking!

ETA: you are doing the right thing. I have to think about this too as my parents watch my DS and this is something i need to be aware of. She'll thank you for it later.

Message edited 1/13/2010 4:35:50 PM.

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

you did the right thing enrolling her in preschool. My son was just shy of 3 when I enrolled him in Day Care and for the 1st month he cried everyday when I dropped him off. It broke my heart, but once we got passed that month...he couldn't wait to go to school each morning.

Re: Extremely shy/timid toddler...what do I do???

Give her some time to adjust!
She should be OK
You did the right thing!