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DelaneyB
LIF Infant
Member since 10/14 68 total posts
Name:
Delaney
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ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
ExDH was supposed to have the kids this year for Thanksgiving. He told me the other day that he made plans to leave the state with his GF to spend the holiday with her family. He didn't ask to take them, he just made plans to be gone for the holiday and entire weekend. I asked when he would be home. He said he didn't know. I asked when he wanted to see the kids...and said he hadn't thought about it... Who does this? To be honest I'm really happy they'll be with me. And when I told them that we would be going o my family for Thanksgiving they didn't even asked about seeing their father. Question is - what do I do with this situation? They don't realize their relationship with him is suffering....and he doesn't seem to notice or care either. I've tried to foster a relationship between them for years. Most of the time exDH is pretty good but, situations like this make me question his choices and think about his GF - who is taking her son with them. Anyone experience this and have any suggestions? I don't want my kids relationship with their father to suffer and falter.
Sorry so long!
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Posted 11/16/14 10:45 PM  |
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Re: ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
Honestly, it's up to the individual parent to foster the relationship.
You're not his personal assistant, there to help make this happen.
I'd stop feeling guilty and I'd stop trying to enable him.
JMO...
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| Posted 11/17/14 5:39 AM |
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sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
Name:
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ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
There's nothing you can do but have a great holiday with them! I have witnessed in my own experience and in my family that kids eventually make judgements about their (divorced) parents' actions regardless of how one parent tries to cover for the other.
Sounds like your ex has his head up his arse.
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| Posted 11/17/14 6:08 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
You are not your ExH keeper. As long as your kids aren't hurt or disappointed by his actions, then just let it be. It is not your job to make him considerate. And in the end, he's the one missing out.
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| Posted 11/17/14 7:53 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
And just to add, keep doing it. They will eventually get it on their OWN.
But, don't say a bad word about him. YOU may be pissed but the best gift you can give your kids is to at least get along with him and not say bad things about him (or the GF) in front of them.
If he is with the GF that woman is almost certainly going to be in their lives for a long time. Its not fair to say bad things....give the kids a chance to have a relationship and make dads house a good place to go.
(I'm not saying you are doing this by the way)
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| Posted 11/17/14 9:39 AM |
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jendar
happy bday mom! 7yrs married
Member since 12/13 1323 total posts
Name:
thank you mom. i love you
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Re: ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
Posted by nferrandi
You are not your ExH keeper. As long as your kids aren't hurt or disappointed by his actions, then just let it be. It is not your job to make him considerate. And in the end, he's the one missing out.
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| Posted 11/17/14 9:46 AM |
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GoodThoughts
Dreams do come true
Member since 2/12 2259 total posts
Name:
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Re: ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
Posted by Paramount
And just to add, keep doing it. They will eventually get it on their OWN.
But, don't say a bad word about him. YOU may be pissed but the best gift you can give your kids is to at least get along with him and not say bad things about him (or the GF) in front of them.
If he is with the GF that woman is almost certainly going to be in their lives for a long time. Its not fair to say bad things....give the kids a chance to have a relationship and make dads house a good place to go.
(I'm not saying you are doing this by the way)
This.
Ultimately, your exH has to be the one to make the children a priority. However, it is incredibly important to try to encourage visits and a positive relationship. It sounds like you are doing exactly that and I commend you.
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| Posted 11/17/14 9:48 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
Posted by Paramount
And just to add, keep doing it. They will eventually get it on their OWN.
But, don't say a bad word about him. YOU may be pissed but the best gift you can give your kids is to at least get along with him and not say bad things about him (or the GF) in front of them.
If he is with the GF that woman is almost certainly going to be in their lives for a long time. Its not fair to say bad things....give the kids a chance to have a relationship and make dads house a good place to go.
(I'm not saying you are doing this by the way)
I agree with this.
But I'll also add that I'd document it in some way in case it comes back to bite me in the ass - ie. "You had them Thanksgiving, I want them for Christmas" , "I wanted you for the holidays but mom always said no"
I'd have it either in text or email, screenshot it & then back up to a cloud drive in a folder named "Custody"
Message edited 11/17/2014 11:05:44 AM.
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| Posted 11/17/14 11:05 AM |
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DelaneyB
LIF Infant
Member since 10/14 68 total posts
Name:
Delaney
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Re: ExDH didnt take seeing kids into consideration for Thanksgiving. How to handle?
Thanks girls! I'm just going to keep on doing what I've been doing. I never say anything bad about exDH or his GF to the kids (in my mind maybe...LOL...but not to them). My parents did that to me and I know how awful it is... Hopefully he will see that he is losing his relation ship with them and make some changes. My oldest told me "Mommy I'm glad when Daddy spends time with XXXXX." and I asked "why is that?" which was met with "Because then I get to spend more time with YOU!"
...both made me happy and sad for them.
For now, I'm uber happy that I get to have them on Thanksgiving - and so is my family :) 
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| Posted 11/17/14 3:42 PM |
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