Etiquette Thread...

I have some etiquette questions, and I was hoping that some people could put their own questions and answers in here.

Okay, here is my first one...

So my friend comes round to my house for dinner, I don't expect her, nor do I want her to get up and help me do the dishes. Its okay if she helps me to stack and bring them into the kitchen, but its not her job to wash them or dry them. Its her job to be my guest and relax and enjoy being served. Do I then assume that she feels the same way when I go to her house?

My second question:

I walk into a pizza joint with friends who are a couple, I see in the back of the restaurant a friend that I haven't seen in a few weeks and I am clearly excited at seeing her. My SO and her SO are standing at the bar waiting for a table talking. I walk overto say hi to the friend and she follows me like a puppy. Is this considered rude? What should she do in this situation? I was annoyed as I wanted a quick hello with my friend, but then I felt pressured into the whole introduction thing and I couldn't be arsed with that...was I rude??

Okay...help me out here. Throw a dog a bone.

Re: Etiquette Thread...

Well I don't know what the "proper" thing to do in either of those situations but I'll give you my thoughts. For the first situation, I would tell the friend exactly what you said here, that they are your guest and you don't expect them to help with the dishes. One question, were you doing the dishes while she was there? Or did she just start them on her own? Maybe remind her that you invited her to spend time catching up and that the dishes can be done later. If she insists, I guess you can't stop her but I wouldn't automatically do the same at her house. I think offering to clear the table is more than enough as a polite guest.

For the second, I wish I knew the answer, since it's happened to me as well. My only suggestion is that as soon as you catch sight of the friend across the room, head your friend off by saying to all 3 of them "excuse me for a second, I just saw an old friend that I haven't seen in a while, would you mind if I just went and talked to her for a minute- I'll be right back" Or something like that. That way there is no confusion.

On a related note, I have been listening to the Mr. Manners podcast for a while, I do remember him talking about being a guest at a party so he may have addressed the first situation, I'm not sure about the second one though.

(edited to fix link)

Message edited 11/6/2007 8:44:48 AM.

Re: Etiquette Thread...

Re: Etiquette Thread...

In the first case, IMO, it is always polite to offer to help. If the host declines my help, I let her do the work. I don't necessarily find it rude for people to not offer to help me, but I do appreciate it when they do, even if I don't need the help.

In the second case, I don't know if your friend following is rude as much as she might have just felt awkward and so followed you since the 2 guys were talking to each other. I do think it was rude if you didn't introduce her, sorry.

Re: Etiquette Thread...

Okay, IMO, your first question, I feel it is always polite to volunteer to help out. Everytime i go to a friends house for dinner or anything, i help clear the table. Sometimes i will wash dishes or rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. You're not obligated to do so but the polite thing to do i feel is to offer to help. I would not expect a friend who comes to my house for dinner to do the dishes or clean the table. I just feel it is polite to help or atleast offer. I mean close friends and family if we are hanging out and they want a snack or a drink, they know where the kitchen is. They help themselves.

To the second question, Introduction sould be the first thing. Introduce your SO, but the fact that she followed you, i would have felt strange. But maybe she just felt awkward. And if they sat down to eat with you, I might have been a little annoyed. Maybe you wanted to be alone with your SO. I always give the, "okay well it was nice seeing and talking to you. Lets get together sometime" line. THat way they know you are going to go eat now with your SO and no other company.

Thats my opinion.

Re: Etiquette Thread...

The first sitch-- I would offer to help the next time you are at your friends house and see what her response is. I LOATHE doing dishes and I still offer to help when I am not home. I just feel like it's the polite thing to do, but I would not make someone in my house do the dinner dishes.

On the second-- that is totally weird that your friend followed you. I would not have done the same, and there is no real etiquette solution here without your friend potentially getting insulted. The polite thing for her to have done is to let you go over, and then maybe come over to get you when your table was ready and introduce herself to your other friend. So what I am saying is your friend did not really act appropriately IMO.

Re: Etiquette Thread...

First one....I always help with dishes at other peoples houses. I would feel bad making them clean up by themselves. And they usually help at my house, so it's a mutual thing.

Second....she should have waited by the bar with your SO's.