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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
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Best Wife & Mommy
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Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
Whenever she doesn't have things her way she throws a tantrum and then she starts to hit.
So, yesterday DH and I were having lunch with her at a restaurant and DH took the spoon away from her and my little Diva started with the tantrum and the hitting. So, I firmly grabbed her hands and sternly told her no hitting. She finally calm down and then started to behave like a nice little girl.
I know she is young but I am so not a fan of little children hitting when they are scolded for something they are doing. I really do not want this to be habit.
How do you handle these temper tantrums?
Message edited 8/26/2008 9:32:33 AM.
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Posted 8/26/08 9:32 AM  |
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
A psychologist that I work with who specializes in behavior told me the best thing to do is to not give it any attention at all - any attention can reinforce it - even "bad" attention - i used to also do what you did, but it kept on happening because somehting was reinforcing it.
I ignored it - it gets worse before it gets better so you still need to continue to ignore - and it went away... he very rarely hits now..... In fact, I don't remember the last time he did - and he can get VERY frustrated at times!!!!
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| Posted 8/26/08 9:35 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
Posted by lipglossjunky73
A psychologist that I work with who specializes in behavior told me the best thing to do is to not give it any attention at all - any attention can reinforce it - even "bad" attention - i used to also do what you did, but it kept on happening because somehting was reinforcing it.
I ignored it - it gets worse before it gets better so you still need to continue to ignore - and it went away... he very rarely hits now..... In fact, I don't remember the last time he did - and he can get VERY frustrated at times!!!!
Thanks, my mom told me the same thing yesterday. She said I should not give that kind of behavior any attention. I am just afraid that if I ignore it that it can be a behavior that is hard to break.
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| Posted 8/26/08 9:41 AM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
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Mommy
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
Its much easier to ignore when your child is doing it to you, but when you get out on the playground or something other parents wont really appreciate you ignoring your child belting their kid, lol. I did ignore it when I could, but at those times I would tell him we don't hit, you gave so and so boo-boo and if continued he got a time out. I was about to swear off parks and play dates forever, but everyone told me it was a stage and it would pass and you nkow what? They were right, it passed, one day he just stopped hitting.
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| Posted 8/26/08 10:04 AM |
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
DD is doing something very similar. When I tell her no or take her away from something she wants (but shouldn't be near) she slaps me in the face. Constantly. And the more I say sternly and pull her hand away, she laughs and thinks it's funny. It's SO frustrating. I have started to ignore it and just show her something else to divert her attention. I can't say I see it working yet but I hope it does soon! 
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| Posted 8/26/08 10:09 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
Posted by Mrs. Patticakes
DD is doing something very similar. When I tell her no or take her away from something she wants (but shouldn't be near) she slaps me in the face. Constantly. And the more I say sternly and pull her hand away, she laughs and thinks it's funny. It's SO frustrating. I have started to ignore it and just show her something else to divert her attention. I can't say I see it working yet but I hope it does soon!
I hope they'll outgrow this stage quickly.
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| Posted 8/26/08 10:20 AM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
My ds went through this just recently.
We ignore tantrums
Hitting though we stop his hand and with a firm voice say b NO hitting. We then took his hand an gently rubbed where he was hitting and said NICE. He now knows how to be NICE and when he does hit will ATP and BE NICE
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| Posted 8/26/08 10:36 AM |
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by lipglossjunky73
A psychologist that I work with who specializes in behavior told me the best thing to do is to not give it any attention at all - any attention can reinforce it - even "bad" attention - i used to also do what you did, but it kept on happening because somehting was reinforcing it.
I ignored it - it gets worse before it gets better so you still need to continue to ignore - and it went away... he very rarely hits now..... In fact, I don't remember the last time he did - and he can get VERY frustrated at times!!!!
Thanks, my mom told me the same thing yesterday. She said I should not give that kind of behavior any attention. I am just afraid that if I ignore it that it can be a behavior that is hard to break.
It won't - it may seem so at first because she is going to keep looking for the reaction she was getting - but the best thing to do is model what behavior will get attention....
So, when Cailen hit, I walked away from him, and DH gave me a kiss. I would say, "Yayeee - Daddy - I love kisses!!!" and give him a big hug. Cailen then came over and gave me a kiss, and I gave him a lot of attention. I then would show him how to point for what he wants, or say "please" for the item he was having a fit about....
Now, when Cailen gets mad, he screams instead of hits. When he sees its getting no reaction, he will point to what he wants, and cry a little (its very sad, but he is trying hard to keep it together) and then after he does it, he puckers up for a kiss. It took a while to get there....
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| Posted 8/26/08 10:46 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Ella Is Going Through The Hitting Phase - Question
For the most part we try to ignore it but immediately redirect his attention. There have been times when I have said as calmly as I can manage "no hitting -hands are not for hitting" and then we move on. So far it seems to work.
ETA: once he is in a better state of mind we also take his hand and show him gentle on our faces or arms and then congratulate him for doing it. We are hoping that he makes the connection so that if and when we have to tell him "gentle" he will understand what that means...especially with other kids.
Message edited 8/26/2008 10:50:11 AM.
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| Posted 8/26/08 10:48 AM |
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