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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Don't want to do IVF
My next step is IVF and I don't think I want to do it. I'm considering living child free instead. . .
Anyone else feel the same?
Any advice/words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Posted 10/12/11 3:46 PM  |
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prunepie
LIF Adult
Member since 7/06 4357 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
i was and am soo grateful for ivf.
it only seemed scary at first but i found it more comforting that iui bc i KNEW how my embies were doing.
living child free is totally cool though..but are you doing it bc of fear of ivf or just because it feels like a better fit kwim? i think that is the question.
gl xoxoxoxo
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| Posted 10/12/11 3:48 PM |
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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
It’s not the fear of IVF, its more the fear of what comes after IVF. I'm the one in the relationship that really wants kids. My husband doesn't care if we didn't. He is going along with anything I decide because he knows it’s important to me.
I'm afraid that I won't get the support from him that I know I'll need for the IVF process and that I'll resent him. He's not pushing me along. . . (if that makes any sense). I'm also nervous about the increased chance of birth defects that I've read about. What if I'm in that percentage??? Then my husband will resent me.
I just don't want to go through IVF and not have and child and also have marriage filled with resentment.
I love my husband and my current relationship. . .
Not sure what to do. He's left it all up to me.
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| Posted 10/12/11 4:05 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by w8andsee
It’s not the fear of IVF, its more the fear of what comes after IVF. I'm the one in the relationship that really wants kids. My husband doesn't care if we didn't. He is going along with anything I decide because he knows it’s important to me.
I'm afraid that I won't get the support from him that I know I'll need for the IVF process and that I'll resent him. He's not pushing me along. . . (if that makes any sense). I'm also nervous about the increased chance of birth defects that I've read about. What if I'm in that percentage??? Then my husband will resent me.
I just don't want to go through IVF and not have and child and also have marriage filled with resentment.
I love my husband and my current relationship. . .
Not sure what to do. He's left it all up to me.
sounds like it doesnt really have to do with IVF though... youd still have that problem whether you conceived with IVF,IUI or naturally.
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| Posted 10/12/11 4:10 PM |
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prunepie
LIF Adult
Member since 7/06 4357 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by w8andsee
It’s not the fear of IVF, its more the fear of what comes after IVF. I'm the one in the relationship that really wants kids. My husband doesn't care if we didn't. He is going along with anything I decide because he knows it’s important to me.
I'm afraid that I won't get the support from him that I know I'll need for the IVF process and that I'll resent him. He's not pushing me along. . . (if that makes any sense). I'm also nervous about the increased chance of birth defects that I've read about. What if I'm in that percentage??? Then my husband will resent me.
I just don't want to go through IVF and not have and child and also have marriage filled with resentment.
I love my husband and my current relationship. . .
Not sure what to do. He's left it all up to me.
sounds like it doesnt really have to do with IVF though... youd still have that problem whether you conceived with IVF,IUI or naturally.
ita ...it does sound more about having a child by any means is the issue.
would your dh see a counselor with you?
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| Posted 10/12/11 4:33 PM |
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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by AngnShaun
sounds like it doesnt really have to do with IVF though... youd still have that problem whether you conceived with IVF,IUI or naturally.
Not sure what you mean, my husband doesn't care if we have kids or not. He's got the "if it happens great, if not its fine too" attitude. He's not telling me I don't want children
Here is a scenario I constantly think of, my husband would give me injections and I would vent about it (whatever the emotions are while going through IVF). He's not going to say "just think of the end result", he's going to tell me "stop your b i t c h i n g, you wanted this". I can see myself being angry with him at that point. . .you know what I mean?
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| Posted 10/12/11 4:57 PM |
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RGEC47
Feeling blessed!
Member since 11/09 3039 total posts
Name:
Rosa
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
I agree with PP's, I think this is more an issue as to how bad a child is wanted from both parties and how it would affect your marriage either way. Wether it be natural conception or IVF, you both should be on the same page. I can understand your husband leaving it up to you, and maybe he thinks this is the way he shows his support. I suggest speaking to him and finding out wether or not you both want a child that bad, to proceed with such an agressive treatment as IVF. Don't get me wrong, IVF is no walk in the park, it can be taxing on you emotionally, psychologically and financially. Unless you are both on the same page, it will be tougher to deal with all of that if there isn't mutual support or desire to proceed. Try speaking to your husband about this and see where he is really at, and try to figure out what works best for the both of you. GL!
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| Posted 10/12/11 4:59 PM |
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Gretel
LIF Infant
Member since 7/11 91 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by w8andsee
It’s not the fear of IVF, its more the fear of what comes after IVF. I'm the one in the relationship that really wants kids. My husband doesn't care if we didn't. He is going along with anything I decide because he knows it’s important to me.
I'm afraid that I won't get the support from him that I know I'll need for the IVF process and that I'll resent him. He's not pushing me along. . . (if that makes any sense). I'm also nervous about the increased chance of birth defects that I've read about. What if I'm in that percentage??? Then my husband will resent me.
I just don't want to go through IVF and not have and child and also have marriage filled with resentment.
I love my husband and my current relationship. . .
Not sure what to do. He's left it all up to me.
sounds like it doesnt really have to do with IVF though... youd still have that problem whether you conceived with IVF,IUI or naturally.
Ditto.... agree with this ... it sounds like it is not really the IVF issue but something else and think that maybe you and husband should see a counselor to smooth things out. The prep and meds for IVF is not as bad as it seems.
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| Posted 10/12/11 5:01 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by prunepie
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by w8andsee
It’s not the fear of IVF, its more the fear of what comes after IVF. I'm the one in the relationship that really wants kids. My husband doesn't care if we didn't. He is going along with anything I decide because he knows it’s important to me.
I'm afraid that I won't get the support from him that I know I'll need for the IVF process and that I'll resent him. He's not pushing me along. . . (if that makes any sense). I'm also nervous about the increased chance of birth defects that I've read about. What if I'm in that percentage??? Then my husband will resent me.
I just don't want to go through IVF and not have and child and also have marriage filled with resentment.
I love my husband and my current relationship. . .
Not sure what to do. He's left it all up to me.
sounds like it doesnt really have to do with IVF though... youd still have that problem whether you conceived with IVF,IUI or naturally.
ita ...it does sound more about having a child by any means is the issue.
would your dh see a counselor with you?
i have to agree...if you go the ivf route you should be in it together..which means if u have bad days he should be there to support you
how does he feel about ivf? does he want to do it?
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| Posted 10/12/11 8:09 PM |
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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by gina409
how does he feel about ivf? does he want to do it?
He doesn't want to do IVF. He would go along with it if that's what I decided.
We have morphology issues, so the chances of conceiving naturally are slim (all the IUIs resulted in negatives). Wondering if I should just accept a childfree life. . .
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| Posted 10/13/11 8:52 AM |
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IAMMRSBROWN
3 under 2!!!
Member since 10/10 2476 total posts
Name:
Carey
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Re: Don't want to do IVF
Posted by w8andsee
Posted by gina409
how does he feel about ivf? does he want to do it?
He doesn't want to do IVF. He would go along with it if that's what I decided.
We have morphology issues, so the chances of conceiving naturally are slim (all the IUIs resulted in negatives). Wondering if I should just accept a childfree life. . .
Thats a very personal choice that I think only you and your DH can decide. I think though if youre looking for any advice it would be to communicate more about it with DH and find out why he doesnt want to move forward with IVF. Nobody can just be indifferent when it comes to something this important. Good luck to you guys!!!! 
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| Posted 10/13/11 1:19 PM |
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