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Do you think its true that
people treat you the way they do, because of how you react to them? So if someone is mean to you and you get upset, they know they have power over you and keep doing it? Or is this just an elementary school myth?
Someone at work is very condescending to me and I think she dislikes me. My DH thinks that because I get upset, I give her power, and this is why she is mean to me but no one else at work. I think its because she just genuinely dislikes me. It makes me feel like cr@p.
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Posted 6/26/07 11:54 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
04bride
I'm a big sister!!!
Member since 5/05 6707 total posts
Name:
Noel
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Re: Do you think its true that
YES!! YES!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 6/26/07 11:57 AM |
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BobBsWife
No more school= too much time!
Member since 5/05 1395 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Do you think its true that
Def. My Inlaws treat me like crap because I allowed it at first. I stand up for myself but I get alot of crap from DH because of it.
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| Posted 6/26/07 11:58 AM |
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Re: Do you think its true that
Is it possible to change things? And how? This person higher up than I am in the work ladder (even though we do research so its not corporate)
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| Posted 6/26/07 11:59 AM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: Do you think its true that
i don't think her treating you like crap is your fault. i don't think that is why she does it.... but if other people shut her down (or have in the past) and you haven't, that may be why she continues to do it.
i think trying to focus on how you could respond differently so that you don't get upset is good (for your own sake though, not hers).
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| Posted 6/26/07 12:06 PM |
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Re: Do you think its true that
Posted by mka06
i don't think her treating you like crap is your fault. i don't think that is why she does it.... but if other people shut her down (or have in the past) and you haven't, that may be why she continues to do it.
i think trying to focus on how you could respond differently so that you don't get upset is good (for your own sake though, not hers).
The thing is, I don't know how to appropriately shut someone down that is basically one of my bosses. Do I say something immediately when she is mean, so do I say something later, like they way she treats me really hurts and I appreciate that she not do it? I just don't know. She's familiar and friendly sometimes and serious other times so she is hard to read.
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| Posted 6/26/07 12:11 PM |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Do you think its true that
I was going to say be very short with her (but not mean), show her you couldn't care if she likes you or not...but if she is higher up than you you wouldnt want to do anything that was going to hurt your job/career.
On the other hand, you can be super nice and annoy the crap out of her!! If someone is going out of their way to be blatently mean and condescending towards you then she "cares" about showing you that ... which makes me think she will have some reaction to you being nice to her despite her attempts to be a beyotch!!!
Some people have nothing better to do w/their lives than be mean to others for stupid reasons!!!
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| Posted 6/26/07 12:15 PM |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Do you think its true that
Posted by glinda-goodwitch
The thing is, I don't know how to appropriately shut someone down that is basically one of my bosses. Do I say something immediately when she is mean, so do I say something later, like they way she treats me really hurts and I appreciate that she not do it? I just don't know. She's familiar and friendly sometimes and serious other times so she is hard to read.
I wouldn't ever tell her that what she says is hurtful (even if it is...b/c apparently thats what she wants)...I'd just act indifferent to her ... you have better things to do than to worry about what issues she's got that makes her dislike you.
Message edited 6/26/2007 12:19:44 PM.
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| Posted 6/26/07 12:19 PM |
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roxygrl8
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Member since 6/06 2987 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Do you think its true that
She could geniuely dislike you, BUT that doesn't mean she has to act that way towards you. YOU let her, and because she can get away with it she does it.
YOU need to put that ****** in her place ASAP!!!!!
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| Posted 6/26/07 12:22 PM |
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Re: Do you think its true that
Posted by roxygrl8
She could geniuely dislike you, BUT that doesn't mean she has to act that way towards you. YOU let her, and because she can get away with it she does it.
YOU need to put that ****** in her place ASAP!!!!!
Right, but what is an appropriate way when it is someone higher up than you?
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| Posted 6/26/07 12:30 PM |
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Re: Do you think its true that
Absolutely! People get stuck in patterns all the time because of this...
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| Posted 6/26/07 3:24 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Do you think its true that
YES! Totally agree with that.
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| Posted 6/26/07 3:25 PM |
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Re: Do you think its true that
Posted by glinda-goodwitch
Posted by mka06
i don't think her treating you like crap is your fault. i don't think that is why she does it.... but if other people shut her down (or have in the past) and you haven't, that may be why she continues to do it.
i think trying to focus on how you could respond differently so that you don't get upset is good (for your own sake though, not hers).
The thing is, I don't know how to appropriately shut someone down that is basically one of my bosses. Do I say something immediately when she is mean, so do I say something later, like they way she treats me really hurts and I appreciate that she not do it? I just don't know. She's familiar and friendly sometimes and serious other times so she is hard to read.
Maybe you can talk with her using "I" language so she doesnt get defensive - and because she IS a higher up, you can approach her seeking feedback, so:
I was just wondering if there is anything else I should do in this position? I was wondering if you can share your feelings with me on my performance because I sometimes feel that maybe there is something I am not doing that may be cauising some frustration?
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| Posted 6/26/07 3:27 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Do you think its true that
I would ignore her as much as possible. I wouldn't make eye contact, I'd answer her questions with short answers and limit contact as much as possible.
I had no problem telling my last boss that he couldn't speak to me a certain way, but he was afraid of me.   It doesn't always work so easily.
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| Posted 6/26/07 3:44 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think its true that
I think you are misinterpreting what that statment means. Teaching people how to treat you doesn't mean you did anything wrong to make her start, it means you have not stood up for yourself properly to make it end.
Message edited 6/26/2007 3:47:26 PM.
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| Posted 6/26/07 3:47 PM |
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