Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

I was just thinking about this last night...with all these treatments that we are going thru...the time, effort, heart ache and stress, will it make us better parents???

I know someone that got surprised with a BFP...they werent trying or anything...a happy accident...and I was thinking that wont be me...we will prob know the day that we conceived...I was thinking about when we have a child I will love that baby more than anything since we will have tried so hard and wanted it soo badly...I am by no means saying that anyone that does not go thru IF will not be a great parent, I wouldnt wish IF on anyone, but I was just curious if anyone else feels like this?

Message edited 3/13/2012 9:14:41 AM.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

I don't think it will make me a 'better' parent..... but infertility has definitely changed me and I think that will show through in my parenting. Whether it will make me 'better' than I would have been otherwise.......... I don't know.. It will definitely make me more appreciative!!

I know my kid will be way more spoiled than if I had never gone through this.. so hopefully that's not a bad thing!!


Ultimately, I hope infertility allows me to be a mom at all!!

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Appreciative is def what I meant...better was not the right word for it...

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

This is a really good question. DH and I struggled with IF for quite some time. We were married for 10 years before we had DS. I don’t think infertility has made me a better parent than someone who hasn’t dealt with it….not at all actually. However, I do believe that FOR MYSELF I am a better parent for having gone through it than I would have been if I had NOT gone through it. Does that make sense? Kind of like the saying that some people need to go through the storm to appreciate the rainbow. Everyone is thankful for their children no matter how they got pregnant…. but for ME…thankful doesn’t even begin to describe it because of how I got there.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Hi Ladies...

I am not a usual poster...but I try to send some fm's when I can help. I read this post and can't help but respond.

I had a long, hard and complicated journey. It was the MOST trying time of my life. I was forced to make decisions I would not wish on my worst enemies and have had more heartache than I ever could have imagined.

That being said, I am one of the "lucky" ones who actually got to be a mom. I can tell you that I am not a "better" parent because of it. I see people who do things that I would not have thought to do and I think they are doing a great job. I see people who, in my mind, do some very questionable things. I am the best mom that I can be, and that's what is important to me.

What I can tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that I appreciate that I am a mom every single day. There is really not a day that goes by that I don't think about my infertility experiences. I envy those people that can just get pregnant on their own and I feel for those that don't. I will never take for granted hearing my child call me mommy. It still seems like it's not real and it's been 2 years. Being a parent is what you make of it! Some days go better than others but at the end of it...I would not trade even one minute.

I wish you all the best of luck in your own journey...I hope to embark on it one more time myself...

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

I do think it helps me put things in perspective. Have g twins is hard work, but on my "bad" days, I can still appreciate them and what little miracles they are.
However, it also puts a lot of pressure on me. I, often, feel guilty if I complain about the tough days or how hard it is...like, I should always be blissful or something.

I think Jackie said it right...the experience changes you. It changes everyone in different ways, but that will have some effect on how you parent.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

i hope IF allows me to be a mom at all

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

I have definitely learned patience, which I think is something my kids will apreciate.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

before i had a baby i would've prob said yes. but once you do have a baby i have to say that the answer is no, IF won't make you a better parent. more appreciative maybe, but a better parent than someone who hasnt gone through IF?? no, absolutely not.

the way you parent and the way you conceive or birth really aren't as related as you feel they might be when you are going through it. in certain small areas maybe, like you may be slightly more patient. but again, going through IF you learn to have more patience to begin with. but that doesn't mean that when your child is throwing a tantrum you'll be perfectly cool and calm because you went through IF. as you go on to have a baby and go back to your non-IF-centered "normal life" the scars of IF take a back seat to parenting. so while they are still there, its not like you have time to stop and think before reacting to your child. theres no "hmmm it took me 18 months and IVF to conceive and then i almost died in childbirth... i think i won't yell at you for throwing your plate of food on the floor for the 20th time." it just doesn't work like that!!

but as far as appreciation goes, there is no doubt that someone who went through IF and loss and trauma can be (but isnt always) more appreciative of their kids.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

I think it'll make me see the sleepless nights and diaper changes in a very different way...and I think it'll make me a lot more sensitive and wounded when my kid ultimately tells me (somewhere around 13-15 ) they he/she hates me.

Message edited 3/13/2012 6:26:12 PM.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Honestly I feel that if I made it through IF then I can go through anything. I struggled with IF for 7 years, never getting pregnant till May of 2011 when finally on my 5th IVF got my BFP. I had a rough pregnancy, and my son was born 6 weeks early and spent 39 days in the NICU, due to pre-eclampsia. My DH and I had it in our mind, or I did at least, that if we struggled so much to get pregnant then the rest would be easy well it hasn't. Our son has some medical issues that we have to deal with and things have been tough. He came home on oxygen, has a cleft palate that will require surgery and other things that will be fixed with time.
I think IF has given me patience and a reminder that if I can survive IF then I can survive anything. Im not a better parent, Im a better person because I went through this. I realized that things are not always easy in life and that you have to have a positive attitude no matter how much sadness there is. Im a more patient, understanding mother. Im more sensitive, more appreciative for things in life and that I will teach my son.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Posted by bookworm

I think it'll make me see the sleepless nights and diaper changes in a very different way...and I think it'll make me a lot more sensitive and wounded when my kid ultimately tells me (somewhere around 13-15 ) they he/she hates me.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???

Yes, I think in some ways it does.

I have been thru many IF struggles and now that I have my DD I wouldn't say I think I am better than any other parent but I do think I am a better parent in general for my DD.

Having her has made me appreciate every day more than I ever did and she has given new meaning to my life. I am happier and more content than I have ever been and I think that those things make me a better parent, not better than anyone else, just better in general because I am in a good place myself.

The struggle in trying to have another baby and suffering a few losses has made me see what a true miracle my DD is. I feel like because she might be my only miracle I have to get it right and take it all in all the time. I never miss an opportunity to tell her how much I love her and spend time with her. I live and breathe my sweet Emerson and I am a happier person because of it.

I think my IF struggles and my DD herself have helped to shape me into a better parent and I am proud of the job I am doing with her. A happy parent is a good parent IMO and I appreciate what I have every single day.

Message edited 3/13/2012 8:51:55 PM.

Re: Do you think IF will make you a better parent???