Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

I have been home 5.5 months now and love being with DS and feel so thankful I can be home with him, but I'm still a hard time dealing with the fact I'm not making any money. I have always been pretty frugal and have no problems buying things I need for DS or DH, but when it comes to stuff for me, I just won't buy stuff (like clothes, new bag etc). I feel like I can't justify it. Its not like its anything expensive and we can't afford it, but its more like on principal. Perhaps I feel I don't deserve it because I'm not bringing in a paycheck. Does anyone else struggle with this??

Message edited 7/8/2008 4:26:36 PM.

Re: Do any SAHMs stuggle with this?

Maybe you can find even a part time job if that would make you feel better about yourself ?

I never really struggled with it, and still dont
because Ive almost always made even some pocket change for the duration that Ive been a SAHM. Ive always had a small job here or there. I need it to keep myself productve and challenged.

and also, when I did work, I made a decent salary and was a really great saver. plus i saved many years before getting married. (brought up old school )

try not to be hard on yourself. the job you are doing at home, is the hardest job on earth!

sorry I rambled

Re: Do any SAHMs stuggle with this?

I work PT and feel that way.. i dont mind spending money on my dd but have alot of trouble spending on myself and dh. Im trying to figure out a way to save for a house, but doesnt seem to be working. I work about 22 hours a week and the paychecks are spent before i get them. Now baby #2 coming and not going to be able to work as much im really worrying.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

yes I do! I NEVER had a problem before the kids, but now it seems that I am always spending $ on them, so when it come to buying stuff for myself, I find myself saying "mmm, I dont really need that!" which is a HUGE breakthro, and maybe a good thing!

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

I do... i cant justify buying myself expensive things anymore... we dont stuggle, but we certainly dont bring in the same salary as we used to.

the money that i do have i spend on DS... i am now working PT at a daycare (DS is with me) but the money i do bring home, i still cant justify spending on myself.

i now shop in Target/Walmart & Dollar Tree, if i am to get myself something... i even feel guilty if i spend $20 on a shirt...

But i would NOT trade it in for the world... to be able to spend my days with DS.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Yes, that's why I started my own business of making announcements, invitations and holiday cards. I don't make a killing but it give me some gas money.

I also tutor and teach piano.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Well i do work PT from home for extra cash and babysit...BUT...I do this because we need the extra right now for me to stay home...

I don't feel guilty though...I buy what I need, as does DH. We don't live an extravagant life, thats for sure....but DH constantly reminds me that I have a hard job and he loves that I am staying home. We wouldn't have it any other way! We make cuts where necessary but I still buy the occasional shirt for myself or treat myself to a very rare pedicure, lol. It keeps me sane

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

HAHAHA!! Yes I do. I HATE not bringing in money but more, I HATE not having any regular me time. I've started making time, but it tends to be late at night after the kids have gone to bed. And if I go out alone, it's to run errands.

I've accepted the fact that my JOB is to care for my kids. That salary is truly priceless both for the kids and for me (and for DH).

Yes, I want things, new things for myself, but I prefer the joy in watching my daughters' eyes light up when I've made a new set of clips for her or when she pops on a new outfit and says "I look stunning".

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Nope. For most of our relationship I made substantially less than DH. The whole time we've lived together I made a lot less. When I first moved in with him I had stopped working for my last semester of grad school to write my master's thesis - a full business plan that had to be ready to submit to a VC firm. Then shortly before graduation I got a job I loved in the non-profit sector making less than I'd made coming out of undergraduate school. Meanwhile he was shooting up the ranks at a hedge fund.

We always looked at all of our money as joint. He never made a point then or now of saying he was paying for more of the bills than I was.

If it makes you feel any better, he tells me that I should consider what we are saving on daycare as my "salary". I'd like to add in what professional chefs, cleaners, what we save not using a laundry service, etc make but why push the issue.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Yes and no.... DH has always been about the fact that his money is "our" money. We save very richly (and live modestly) and we are not overly extravagent people. I buy my kids what they need, and I am watchful of what I spend. I also have worked PT for the last 4 years - just 1 day a week, but the money I make on a hourly basis is very good, and that money helps to pay for groceries, my son's pre-K tuition, etc. They day I work is DH's day off, so we do sacriffice a little fmaily time together, but my kids benefit by getting daddy all day to themselves.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

I am definitely!! I've been home since April and was happy when we were at least getting the disability check! i feel so guilty i'm not working (although it was DH idea for me to stay home)....i think it's just that i have been working since i was 12 and now feel like i have to ask before i spend even a $1.00!! i don't want DH to feel i am home partying and splurging while he is out brining home the bacon!!

Message edited 7/8/2008 6:16:33 PM.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Yes I was the same way, which I think is why it took me a while to really love staying home with DD, even though it is what i wanted. Now I babysit for a friend 2x a week, and i do a little work from home, its not much but atleast its spending $ for extra things. I will say I just started doing these things, but before that it was when DD was about 6 mths did i finally get used to staying home and not working. HTH, you are not alone

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Yes and no. Have I cut way back on spending on myself? Absolutely. But do I do it because I feel I don't "deserve" it or can't "justify" it due to not working? Not at all.

Before we had DS, all my salary went to savings or the occasional one-time purchase like furniture, month to month we lived entirely on DH's paycheck. Nowadays, I'm not earning any money but I still like to try and save as aggressively as I can. So I rarely treat myself to things these days, clip coupons, shop sales, sell on Ebay, researched/switched insurance companies to save a chunk, you name it. It's just in the name of practicality and being frugal, not tied to any self-worth or identity thing.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Right now, if DC were in full-time daycare, so that DW could work, we figured that at least the first $40k of her salary would be used just for taxes on her salary, and daycare. I think she's making a pretty good amount of "money" by avoiding a huge expense.

We've never been extravagant, but we also don't think about "my" money and "her" money. As a family, whatever "we" earn goes into the joint account, no matter who earns it. If we need something, we get it if we can afford it.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

nope. I am invaluable to DH. He hands over his check, then the money is mine. no guilt at all.

However, I want to do things with Josh and still live a somewhat normal life. I worry about touching our savings, so for that, I started watching a little boy.

Once I get pregnant again or leo gets a promotion, that will end.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

I am not a SAHM - I work FT but now that I have DS I dont shop like I used to and buy expensive things. I just cant justify it anymore.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Message edited 7/9/2008 9:56:06 AM.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

I've stayed home with DD for the last 19 months and I babysit twins 2 days a week. I bring in some money from that, but we need it for bills.

I don't remember the last thing I bought for myself. We don't have a dime left over at the end of the month. It would be nice to buy something that wasn't a necessity for once.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Honestly, NO WAY! The money DH makes is mine just as much as it is his - I am working too - at home, taking care of our son! The way I figure it - my "job" enables him to do his "job." Before having DS I made a lot of money and could stiill make a lot but, DH and I agreed that this was the situation we feel most happy about. Don't feel bad spending on yourself! You probably work just as hard as DH and if you weren't taking care of DC he would have to be paying someone else to! So, you are saving money in a way too!

What I feel worse about and what I struggle about is the money spent on education as well as the time and effort - I went to school for four years of college, three years of law school and another year to get an LLM! I worry that when I am ready to leave DS it will be too late and I will have wasted all this

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Yes, I hardly shop for myself anymore and when I do I feel guilty for spending money on myself.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Yes and no. I am getting used to not working.....some days though I wish I was, because I am starting to not recognize me or who I used to be and what I loved to do.

I handle all of the finances, so my husband does not mind what I buy, but I often also feel I can't justify spending on me, when my DH works so hard and barely spends on him.

After we move, I am hoping to at some point at least get a PT job, close to the new home.

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

Re: Do any SAHMs struggle with this?

I am a SAHM , and I hate not bringing in money . So I started selling Avon. It brings in some $$ and makes me feel better. It really is easy and it makes you feel better i know it has for me.

Message edited 7/9/2008 12:25:40 PM.