Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

What 4 animals do you see after sex???
FM for the answer

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

If you had a donkey and I had a rooster, and your donkey ate the legs off of my rooster what would you have??

FM for answer

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser with his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that she would put all of his money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

When they finished the ceremony, just before they closed the casket, his wife came over with a box and put it in the casket. They closed it and rolled him away.

Her friend says "Girl I know you didnt put ALL of that money in there with him!"

The wife replied " Look I am a christian woman. I cant go back on my word. I promised him that I wa going to put that money in the casket with him."

"You mean to tell me that it's ALL in there with him???"

"I sure did! I got it all together, put it in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it!!!"

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Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.


Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

hahahahahahhaha that was good!

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life! between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said,

"Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said,"Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.

" She said, "Aye,he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.

Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored

A man was walking down a beach and saw a bottle floating in the surf. He thought to himself, "Oh, message in a bottle." He took out the cork and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "Thank you for releasing me. Now you may have 3 wishes - however, I'm a special genie. I love my mother-in-law, so anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will receive double."

The man first asked for a million dollar house on the beach. Poof! A gorgeous house appeared. Just then - POOF! - a house twice as big appeared next door and his mother-in-law was waving at him from the window.

He hurried inside to avoid her. As he was admiring his new house, he turned to the genie and said, "For my second wish, put $10 million on that table."

Poof! There was so much money, it was falling off the table. Then POOF!! Next door, the money was flying out the windows - his mother-in-law got $20 million.

He was getting frustrated by this time and turned to the genie, "OK, let me get this straight. Whatever I wish for, my mother-in-law gets double."

The genie said, "Yes, I'm the mother-in-law genie, and that's the way it works."

After scratching his head and thinking a bit, he suddenly turns to the genie and says, "OK, for my third wish, beat me half to death!"

Re: Dirty Jokes here...Im bored