Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

The president of my job child dies unexpectedly. I work with the president often but not daily and you I been around the president's wife so I know her but not close.

I helped out with making photographs and extra prints for the wake on a short notice since it just kinda happened. I showed up at the wake waiting on line then after hearing about their child's story and how incredible this young man was I was moved. Not crying but teary eyed. I start my way to the parents and then I hear something that just sets me off. I walk up and looked at the president's wife and see something that i wish never to see ever again and blurt. "saying i'm sorry really doesn't cut it, i wanted to tell you that your loved. that we are all here for you and that you and your husband are such beautiful people and your son was an amazing person even if i did not know him." grabbed her and hugged (HUGGED) her and she was then crying. Did the same thing to the dad (president) and he was crying. I walked away since it was so crowded and left and now i feel like i overstepped my boundaries by hugging them and using the term loved. I just felt so bad!

Did I make a huge boo boo?

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

No. I think you said something genuine & from your heart. It's horrible when a child dies

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

No I don't think you overstepped. It was an emotional time, they may not

even remember it

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

Of course not! You were overcome with emotion. I'm sure they appreciated your kind words.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

You did an amazing thing. Nobody wants to hear the same ol' thing when they are grieiving.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

Absolutely not. I think what you said was very touching and i am sure that they appreciated your kind words

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

Absolutely not - when my father passed away, I was so incredibly touched by people, who I didn't know all that well, who really reached out to me, because that's truly, truly what you need in a time of loss, not just empty, meaningless apologies. I try to do the same with anyone who has experienced a recent loss, whether I'm close with them or not, because that connection is something that really helps you get through the motions.

Don't feel bad at all

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

I dont think you messed up at all. You spoke honestly and from the heart and being told there are people that love them are there for them is probably the only small piece of comfort they have right now.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

Not at all. I think you were very sincere. There's nothing that anyone can say to make their child come back and make them feel better but you made a nice gesture

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

No, not at all. It sounds like you spoke from your heart.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

thank you so much, i really was like "poopin" myself last night thinking that i overstepped.

Thank you all!

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

I can only speak for myself that when something tragic has happened in my life - I'm actually quite touched by the outpouring of emotion and support - not the other way around. And I know people feel the way you do a lot because I could see it in my own experience - they are hesitant to speak from their heart and just let their emotions talk for them... but, when they do, it is actually really comforting to the people involved - at least it was for me, when I was the one on the receiving end of it. HTH!!

Message edited 7/25/2009 10:10:08 AM.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

reading your story make me choke up. i think you did a wonderful thing. it doesn't matter if you knew him or not, you saw the pain in their eyes and you acknowledged their grief in a very loving way. i think it was spontaneous and caring and you definitely did not mess up.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

Absolutely not. You spoke from the heart and showed them compassion at the most difficult time in their lives.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

You were very appropriate-you spoke from the heart and said beautiful things. There is nothing more awful than the death of a child.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

I think what you said was perfect and from the heart!!

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

No you did not overstep at all. That was a very sincere and emotional moment. They probably needed to hear the words that you said and that you are there for them. It was very touching.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

not in a mean way, but I am sure they didn't hear you word for word. They definitely heard your emotion and appreciated your kindness. You did the right thing all around!

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

You didn't overstep, you showed compassion and emotion and there is nothing wrong with that. I think what you said was touching.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

I don't think you overstepped at all. I think you were genuine and they will remember your kindness.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

I think if there was ever a time for emotion & an outpouring of support, it's at the funeral of a child. I can't even imagine the pain they felt.

I agree with everyone else - you spoke from your heart & I"m sure they appreciated. But no hugging at the company holiday party.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

I think it showed that you cared. That you were not just showing up to a funeral/wake to make the usual obligatory appearance.

I think they cried because they really loved what you said to them. It was warm and from your heart. I am sure they remembered their son at that very moment for who he was even more that it brought tears.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

Not at all, I think it was very nice actually

To be honest, during a wake, those closed to the deceased are in such a fog I highly doubt they will even remember what you said.

Re: Did I mess up? Long yes but need to know

No way. I'm sure they're are so sick of hearing "I'm sorry" and what you said sounded so genuine and shows them that you really care for them.