DH Vent

Ok, I truely love my DH and he is a great husband. I'm the primary steady income in our relationship. My DH is a union carpenter and if any knows how that goes, its feast or famine (ie some great months, some crappy months). I always feel I'm the one that's telling him to go find work, not the other way around. I also control the finances so I know how tight we are, etc. It's just sometimes I read on these boards how some girls DH's take charge (whether is jobs, vacations, money, home repairs). I'm truely jealous of the girls sometimes. I know my way is to take charge. I'm a born leader while my DH is a born follower (hence his most sucessful career was in the military where they told him when, where and what to do). It just gets so frustrating. Maybe its cause I got AF today, but I cried this AM about this. Can anyone relate?

Re: DH Vent

Funny....I don't recall writing the above post, but I could have

I know the feeling. No advice just

Re: DH Vent

don't feel bad. My Dh is kind of the same. He's a little on the lazy side and while i can't come down on him b/c I often 'embrace my laziness...' I sometimes wish he was more like my father... who doesn't NEED to be asked to do something.. just takes charge of things.

my sister married a man like that. I can't help but feel envious.

with all this said, I love my DH with all my heart... he makes up in other areas for what he lacks in the 'go getter' department. It's a compromise.

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I know how you feel! I have to do the same with my DH. I get VERY jealous of hearing about how wonderful the DH's on here are. How much they do, etc. But I keep telling myself, no one is perfect and this is the internet! You never know who's telling the truth or making it up? Not everyone, but I KNOW some for sure that aren't telling it like it is.

My DH is a great man, but he has a lot of faults as well. Some that are SOOOOO irritating. He doesn't ever do anything on his own. I always seem to have to push him to do anything.

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You see I feel the total opposite. I am in control of finances in our house and I am the one who pays the bills, plans parties, vacations, buys gifts etc. Yes, there are times I wish he would take over, but for the most part I'm happy Im in charge We both bring in steady income but his is a bit higher...he just hands over the money, I handle it, and he has access to it all at any time. Everything is always taken care of and he never asks questions...if anything he'll ask me if he gave me enough Love him

Re: DH Vent

Posted by MST9106

You see I feel the total opposite. I am in control of finances in our house and I am the one who pays the bills, plans parties, vacations, buys gifts etc. Yes, there are times I wish he would take over, but for the most part I'm happy Im in charge We both bring in steady income but his is a bit higher...he just hands over the money, I handle it, and he has access to it all at any time. Everything is always taken care of and he never asks questions...if anything he'll ask me if he gave me enough Love him

Message edited 2/13/2008 11:06:35 AM.

Re: DH Vent

Posted by kerrycec03

Posted by MST9106

You see I feel the total opposite. I am in control of finances in our house and I am the one who pays the bills, plans parties, vacations, buys gifts etc. Yes, there are times I wish he would take over, but for the most part I'm happy Im in charge We both bring in steady income but his is a bit higher...he just hands over the money, I handle it, and he has access to it all at any time. Everything is always taken care of and he never asks questions...if anything he'll ask me if he gave me enough Love him

see I wouldn't mind if he was making steady money and everything was getting taken care of, but it isn't. Hence my frustration (ie the OP).

Message edited 2/13/2008 11:10:46 AM.

Re: DH Vent

Posted by MST9106

Posted by kerrycec03

Posted by MST9106

You see I feel the total opposite. I am in control of finances in our house and I am the one who pays the bills, plans parties, vacations, buys gifts etc. Yes, there are times I wish he would take over, but for the most part I'm happy Im in charge We both bring in steady income but his is a bit higher...he just hands over the money, I handle it, and he has access to it all at any time. Everything is always taken care of and he never asks questions...if anything he'll ask me if he gave me enough Love him

see I wouldn't mind if he was making steady money and everything was getting taken care of, but it isn't. Hence my frustration (ie the OP).

I understand...I misunderstood your original frustration. Well, of course you have every right to be frustrated...what about suggesting that he gets some side jobs or something that would generate a little extra income when times are rough....

Re: DH Vent

I think most of us have been in your position before at some point in our lives in one way or another. I know I have. My dh lost his job last year (bc he got hurt) and while he casually looked for a new job, I think he was waiting for one to come to him. He was out of work for 6 months. While I was working 3 jobs to make up for it. He took some work here and there, but he didn't stay. He let the little things get to him, and left--none of them on good terms. There were days I would come home in between jobs just and he sat there playing his XBOX all day/night. It was a continuous battle asking him if he looked for a new job. I literally threw jobs in his face. Some days he sat with the paper, and on the computer looking while other days he'd tell me he looked and I knew it was BS. He looked out the window more than he looked for a job.
He got so depressed he didn't care if he worked or not and of course it put a stress on EVERYTHING and I got so frustrated. I would look at everyone around me and wonder why couldn't he be like them--set in their careers and not losing their job over something stupid. I would tell him he needs to swallow his pride and take anything to help him get back on his feet bc I couldn't do it alone anymore. And little income is better than no income.

I feel your pain. I truely do. Sometimes I thought he didn't care if he worked. Do you feel that way with your dh?

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I think there is a lazy bug going around affecting men this winter. My DH is fine with work & works his butt off but he has been SO lazy with doing stuff around the house. I'm working & I started started school two nights a week & ya think he'd load the effing dishwasher instead of leaving the sink full? Nope
We had the oil burner guy coming to service today you think he'd move his crap in his "woodshop" out of the way so the guy could get to it? nope, I had to do that this morning.
Luckily we don't make much garbage because in the last few months it only gets put out on the curb about once a week & that's usually when I do it.
I could go on & on and its not really like my DH to be this way....but I hear lots of other women complaining too!

Message edited 2/13/2008 12:18:44 PM.

Re: DH Vent

Re: DH Vent

When does the work usually pick up for him? I know there's certain times of the year that are better than others...

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I know this ALLLLLLL too well

We just have it in different situations. DH was off yesterday and guess what got done around here? Zippo! But he was kind enough to take the laundry OUT of the dryer and plop it all in the couch and it is still sitting there

I hate having to be "in charge" of everything

Re: DH Vent

i hear you. my dad, brother, FIL and BIL are all union carpenters.... it is feast or famine. hang in there! also, i would try to keep track of his hours, unless your job provides the health insurance because i know the LI local now makes you have 1400 hours a year to keep your insurance active.

also, anytime he is out of work, he can apply for unemployment... hope you know that. also, side jobs perhaps?

Re: DH Vent

Posted by donegal419

i hear you. my dad, brother, FIL and BIL are all union carpenters.... it is feast or famine. hang in there! also, i would try to keep track of his hours, unless your job provides the health insurance because i know the LI local now makes you have 1400 hours a year to keep your insurance active.

also, anytime he is out of work, he can apply for unemployment... hope you know that. also, side jobs perhaps?