Dealing with Incompetent Parent

My DH recently discovered that my FIL, who is 70, single, otherwise healthy and active, living independently in an apartment, has squandered his entire retirement money and life savings. Upon looking at his bank statements, a troubling pattern of random, irrational and inexplicable spending emerges, which is making us concerned about his mental health. Upon mentioning it though, he became furious and paranoid and has been pushing us away because he thinks we're trying to take over his finances. The thing is, we kinda do since he managed to blow through a large amount of money over several years. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else dealt with the financial misuse of a seemingly healthy parent? I don't think he would at all be willing to be evaluated or relinquish control.

Re: Dealing with Incompetent Parent

When you say squandered, do you mean living above his means, or do you mean he invested in highly speculative things, or gave his money to crazy people who call him or email him? For the first one, you should help him budget, for the second it is a different problem, where you might need to have a different discussion. He may just need to continue to work in order to support his lifestyle, which unfortunately, is becoming more common for elderly people. He may want to be retired, but his desires don't match with reality.

Edit, what was he spending his money on? Vacations, dating, or cash for gold schemes?

Message edited 2/22/2018 9:45:37 AM.

Dealing with Incompetent Parent

If you truly think it's a mental health issue and that he can no longer make good decisions for himself, you should talk to an attorney about seeking to become his guardian. It's a tough threshold to prove in court, but if there really seems to be a issue, that might be your best way to go. (You can become his guardian for financial decisions and/or for personal - medical and other life decisions. Can be one or both, depending on the need)

Dealing with Incompetent Parent

It's part living above his means but there are a lot of cash withdrawals, sometimes multiple times a day, that he cannot account for. We suspect it could be gambling. He doesn't date, as far as we know, but we are pretty close to him. He does not have any investments or seem to be submitting to scams.

Re: Dealing with Incompetent Parent

FIL has to be honest with himself about what he is doing with his money. Then he has to be honest with his son.
Until then, you really can't do anything.
He also needs to understand that when the money runs out, what is he going to do ? Are the two of you going to /willing to help him out ?

We controlled FIL's monies. His monthly income wasn't a lot, savings were not a whole lot either. He pissed away a large amount on a storage unit that he didn't need, buying a ton of crap that he didn't need, and falling for a few scams.
My dad controls his own money, although I have access to his bank statements and look at them regularly. He consults with me whenever he wants to change anything, or make a large purchase.

Re: Dealing with Incompetent Parent