DD is asocial and does not like people

I've never met another child like my DD.

She is 3 yrs old and just does not like people.

She will not say hello to anyone except my immediate family.

Not the neighborhood pizza guy who we see every weekend, not our neighbors, not even extended family.

She cries if you try to say hello to her.

The pediatrician said to give it time and mayeb nursery school would be good for her.

So, now she is in nursery school. She seems to love it, but is still unfriendly to her teachers and other classmates.

When I talk to her at night, she talks about what fun she had.

But if we see her classmates at the playground, she will refuse to say hello.

She also does not cooperate in class. She wants to take part in the activities, but if you ask her to, she pouts and says no and then looks longingly on, and will warm up once it's too late.

Same at birthday parties. She won't participate.

You can see that she wants to so badly but just won't do it.

I'm at a loss. I don't know how to break her out of it.

I try to model good behavior and be friendly to everyone, but she will just glare and say "no".

Her teacher said to just ignore it and it will pass. She says to her "that's not how we talk to our friends and family", and asks her to be nice, and then walks away.

anyone else know a child like this?

I hate it because she is such a sweetheart with me. and so funny, and so just adorable, but shuts down for everyone else.

DD is asocial and does not like people

If this is the first time she is in a "school" setting I would give it time.

My DS is a social butterfly but he has been in daycare since 8 weeks, My nephew is the opposite cause he is only with other kids in limited doses.

Give it time....I am sure school will make a big difference.

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

I don't know, my DD is in daycare since 8 weeks old and LOVES it there, but it still takes her awhile to warm up each morning.
When I drop her off she is crabby and clingy to me and if one of her friends approaches she yells at them or whines.
When I go to pick her up she is running around having a blast with them.
If we see people out and about or at the park she is also quiet and stand offish.
Even with my parents- who she ADORES- at first she is quiet when she sees them. Won't talk, won't give a kiss.

I don't think it's an issue really- they sometimes just need time to warm up.

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

Like others have said she may need time to warn up to people. Is she developing normally in other areas? If so she may just be shy. If she has delays in other areas maybe have her evaluated to see if the behaviors fall within normal range. My dd is very friendly but she needs help with involving herself in play. She wants to play but doesn't really know how to say hey can I play too so sometimes the teacher will help her get involved. My dd is very shy so sometimes she needs a little push.

Message edited 11/18/2013 5:25:07 PM.

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

This is my oldest daughter (almost 4 now)
She was always so so so shy and hated when people would approach her. She hated being in crowds of people (even people she knew well) it was crippling to her. After a while I gave up on taking her anywhere. You could tell she wanted so badly to go and have fun with the other kids but just couldn't get herself to do it. The Ped said its a phase (it was a very loonnggg phase) and she will get better.
My youngest is a social butterfly, will talk to whoever wants to talk to her.

As my oldest was approaching 3.5 it was like a switch went off. She got SO much better. Out of nowhere went off and played with other kids, would say hello to those who said it to her, started to LOVE school etc. she was a completely different kid overnight . Now she loves to be around kids/adults and she's so much more happy about it. She looks forward to events and making friends .
It does take her some time to warm up but where it used to take her (not joking) 2 hours to let go of my hand and go play even if it was by herself, now takes her about 5min before she's off and running with others.

It was rough but she pulled through :)

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

I have a slow to warm up child. She will be 3 in Jan. I have to say, since starting nursery school in Sept she is getting much better. But some days/social events, I don't know what I'm going to get. She is extremely social with us and the people and kids she knows well—a real firecracker—but in big crowds, she can straight up ignore some extended family members (she's better in small groups). When strangers say hello, she used to give them a dirty look. I don't think she meant to be mean. She says it's her shy face. Now, she's getting better with that and will give a small smile. I tell her that she doesn't have to say hello if she doesn't want to, but she can at least smile. I'm glad because I was getting sick of people saying "oh, she hates me." She'd also tell me "I'm going to say hello next time," so I feel like she wants to be friendly and is not actually anti-social.

She is always clingy the first few minutes of school, but then warms up to her teachers and the kids. When school first started, she used to play a lot by herself and if kids came into her personal space, would go to hit. That seems to be ending, thank God. I called my doctor at one point and she wasn't too concerned about the social stuff but gave me some pointers for the hitting stuff. Now she talks up a storm to her teachers and gives them hugs.

Since school, she warms up a whole faster than she used to. I've also learned some tips for parties and such. Be early--not late. It's too overwhelming when there is a ton of people/kids. It's better if she warms up and then people are coming in. I made the mistake of being late to a gymboree-type class the other day and she spent the first 15 minutes clinging to me and not participating. Then she got into it. I always tell her "let yourself have fun" because when she does that, I feel like she is missing out. I know she wants to join in.

Like I said, I definitely see a change in her in just the past month alone, so I think it's a combination of her personality (a little shy by nature--so was I) and just a little bit of social immaturity.

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

Thank you! I feel so much better. Developmentally she is super smart. She recognized and can write almost all her letters.

It's just socially she gets so closed off and it comes off as mean.

Hopefully it will pass and I like the idea of getting places early to let her warm up.

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

You basically described me at that age.

Apparently, I refused to talk to anyone besides my parents or grandmother for a while. Good news is that I grew out of it around age 5, not really sure when it started.

She'll come around, don't worry

Re: DD is asocial and does not like people

I was lurking and saw your post and had to comment because this is EXACTLY my DS. He is such a character as around DH and I, and his grandparents, but ANYONE else he completely shuts down and barely speaks. So much so that his nursery school mentioned "selective mutism" to me. He finally started slowly speaking to them. It makes me so sad sometimes because he is such a funny little guy, and I wish others would see his personality. But then I remind myself that I was shy too, and it will pass.

DD is asocial and does not like people

It could be part of the age as well. DS 1 is very clingy and didn't socialize well with other kids - even though he's been in daycare since 11 weeks (he did socialize with his classmates but, it took him awhile each morning to warm up).

At 3 1/2 something clicked and he's now more social/friendly. My cousins DD was similar as well and clicked around the same age.

DD is asocial and does not like people

A friend of mine has a daughter who was just like this, she is now in her 20's and is outgoing etc. The one thing she said that stuck out in my mind is that she told her daughter that she didn't need to talk to people BUT she couldn't be rude. So if someone says hello, you say hello back, if someone gives you something, say Thank you...she said it helped her ease into awkward situations....But as other posters have said, I am SURE she will grow out of it!