Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

Hi - I had my 16 month old in day care 2 days a week over the summer and just started full time this week. Since Wed, they tell me he's been crying a lot and every time the lead teacher leaves the room (or a parent drops off OR another teacher comes in) he cries - hysterically. He has never been much of a crier. Recently he's been super attached to me and I can't even leave the room or walk away to do ANYTHING. I work full time so I want to spend all my the time I'm with him - with him.

I feel SUPER guilty and sad. And today they said he cried so hard he made himself throw up. So not like him. (Even though I've been told this is the age where they start having the separation anxiety and personality can definitely start changing to the toddler 'state of mind').

I don't know what to do. He needs to stay in day care because my and my hubs work full time and I"m hoping this passes. Not to mention he'll be moving the the toddler room in Sept (after next week) so there's that to look forward to

Any insights ladies?

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to give you It must be so hard for you, but hopefully inthe next week or so dc will be ok. Did the lead teacher have any advice for you?

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

The lead teacher is so sweet and nice. She's very young though. She was just saying that its probably just the transition from 1) being in a home day care throughout the year 2) then only being there part time and the other time at home with my husband 3) now he's going M-F starting at 7:30am

I don't think there is anything you can do but thought to post here to see if any others had similar experiences and could help. I am already a worrier (which I hate) so this is making my stomach turn even more.

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

It's so hard! We went through the same thing with my son and he's only in care 2-days a week. He started at 18-months. DH did the drop off and after 2 weeks was ready to pull him out (and I'm usually the more emotional one!). He would be whimpering when I picked him up - it was killing me. I told my boss that it was too much right now and I took 2-3 hours of vacation time every day he was there so that I could get home earlier and pick him up. I don't think this helped him, because they just need the time to adjust and feel safe, but it did help me feel better. At 5-days a week, you'll be surprised at how quickly he does adjust. It took DS about 2-months because he was only there the 2-days. Does he have a favorite doll or blanket? Or even something of yours - like a key chain or some silly thing that he can bring with him? DS takes his favorite cat. He doesn't touch it at home but every picture of him from those first few weeks has him holding the cat. This is a really hard time - also reach out to the staff, they were very helpful to me (I cried to the director a few times...). Best of luck.

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

thanks, I hope it passes soon. I have to travel in Sept for work, too. So at least by then would be great.

I will see if there is something I can send in with him. I"d just be worried it would disappear!

Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

My experience is that these phases come and go-- some weeks they cry hysterically when you leave, other times they're like "see ya". One of DS's teachers said that I should just leave-- he would be fine (and she did a lot of comforting of the kids), that part of what they do is test, test, test, and some of the crying is about that. I couldn't 'just leave'- it broke my heart- so I would do crazy long cuddles before I left him for the day, and if he was still upset after a certain amount of time, I would just go. I have seen kids stay upset like that for a few wks, max, then they kind of get over it. Although they usually still torture mom at drop off It may help to bring a favorite toy to daycare with him. Also, talk to the teacher- she should do what she can to distract him and to assure him that you will be back, and he will be ok.
I know this sucks, but hang in there!

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

So sorry!

It's hard to see your child so upset. When I first put DD in daycare she was 18 months old (she's 2 now), but she had been home with me prior to that. She cried the moment we pulled up in front of the building. Here are some things that helped:

* The daycare told us it would take anywhere from 2 weeks to sometimes up to 2 months for kids to fully adjust. So, you are still at that adjustment period.
* Don't linger - it confuses them and they think that you're going to stay.
* Have a kind of drop off routine that you do every day. For us, when I start getting DD out of her carseat we go over that she should be a good girl and that she's going to play and have fun. As we're walking into the building, I tell her "I love you so so much" and then ask her "how much do I love you?" and she'll answer "so much." We then walk to the classroom together and we both say "good morning" and she walks right in by herself and when she turns I blow a kiss and leave. This is our every day drop off routine.
* I send her in with her favorite stuffed animal because it's comforting. It was a huge help in those early days of dropping her off. Now, she comes in with it and she'll leave it in her bag.

Hang in there. I know it's tough right now and you feel guilty, but it WILL get better.

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

thanks girls...this makes me feel a little better. I often get 'stuck' in this state of mind and forget that with kids everything changes and they change so much, so fast.

I'll find a toy of his to send with him next week. and get a real routine for drop off

thanks again for posting on this.

Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

They all go through phases of separation anxiety when they are toddlers. My DS cried for 3 weeks when he first started daycare. It was heartbreaking, but he adjusted and tells me he is in love with his daycare teacher now and wants to marry her!!

He did the same thing when he was watched at home by my mom. There were weeks when he would be hysterical when I left for work, and then there would be weeks when he would be hysterical when I came to pick him up.

Their attachments change so much week to week and month to month.

I know it is hard to see, but he will be fine!!

Message edited 8/24/2012 11:52:17 AM.

Re: Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

My DD did the same thing when she transitioned into the toddler room and it took her 2 months to be ok with it. She has been home for 2 months (my DH is a teacher and I am an administrator) so I am not looking forward to her going back in a week. I just went back on Monday and since then she has had a few toileting accidents (she's potty trained), cries when I leave, and is super attached when I get home. It all depends on the child but it will be ok eventually. It may take a couple of weeks or months(like off your child) My advise is to give a hug and kiss and leave. Don't ever "sneak" out. I know it's torture but if you make sure you say goodbye your child won't be anxious about seeing you one minute and you disappearing the next. Eventually, your child will be confident that you are only leaving for a while but be back soon. Maybe send in a family picture or a comforting blanket while she is there? As she makes "friends" in the toddler room, she may "want" to go and play with her friends. It will soon become a routine for you and although you may never be "happy" about leaving your child, it will be routine. I know exactly how you feel!

Day Care Transition, so sad and guilty

My DD did the same thing and was in daycare part time. He will get use to it. I know it's so hard on you and I'm so sorry for that. I remember I use to use to cry myself leaving the room. Eventually they adjust and end up loving it. Now I have to convince my DD to leave because she is having so much fun. Lol

They go through so many phases. Stay strong and like another poster said....don't linger to long at drop off. Always kiss and hug good bye, let him know you'll be back and leave. He will eventually grow to love it.

Take care!