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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
DD#1 is a hugger. She is the type of child that wants to be everyone's friend. She will even hug a child who comes over to her and shoves her. I have mixed feelings. When we go to the playground or in preschool - she is getting shoved around by most of the other kids b/c she is much smaller than they are. She doesn't cry she just gets up and either walks away or ignores it. I am glad she isn't shoving or hitting other children but she IS a hugger. It is her way of saying hi and be my friend.
Unfortunately, it is becoming an issue. It seems to be okay that kids hit and shove her and their parents don't say anything (it happens in preschool but also DD gets shoved a lot at the playground - She will be 2.5 at christmas time) - additionally on occasion she has gotten shoved or hit hard for hugging someone and the hitter/shover was not reprimanded but she was told it b.c she hugged them and they didn't want to be hugged. In general she is just a very happy child who wants to be everyone's friend.
It was mentioned in preschool today (and in the past) that most children do not want to be touched and that she has to stop hugging. I have tried to talk to her about not hugging people and only to hug mommy, daddy, Maddie, grandma and grandpa - she gets very clingy when I try to talk to her about it. I was told to tell her to not hug her friends either. It is hard b.c then she goes to the playground and other children hug her and she sees mommy hugging her friends so it is sending mixed messages.
What have others done? Any suggestions. I want to help her but I don't want to make her self conscience or uncomfortable around other children if you KWIM?
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Posted 11/12/09 3:01 PM  |
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LeShellem
A new beginning
Member since 2/07 3600 total posts
Name:
LeShelle
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Instead of telling her she cant hug, can you teach her to ask the person if she can give a hug. If they say no, then she can't hug, but if they say yes, she can.
Such a shame, that hugging is an issue. 
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| Posted 11/12/09 3:04 PM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
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Theresa
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
I have no advice but I just wanted to say I think it's really sad that she gets reprimanded for hugging and someone who hits or pushes does not. Yes, I understand not everyone likes to be hugged/touched but hitting/pushing and not correcting that behavior seems like a horrible way for them to handle it. I'm sorry....your DD seems like such a sweet little girl. 
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| Posted 11/12/09 3:04 PM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Posted by Reese1106
I have no advice but I just wanted to say I think it's really sad that she gets reprimanded for hugging and someone who hits or pushes does not. Yes, I understand not everyone likes to be hugged/touched but hitting/pushing and not correcting that behavior seems like a horrible way for them to handle it. I'm sorry....your DD seems like such a sweet little girl.
i could not agree more... i am so sorry that hugging is an issue christine!!!
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| Posted 11/12/09 3:06 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
I understand your frustration - I happen to have a 4 year old who HATES to be hugged, even by her best friend. She won't shove or hit though, she just screams NOOOOOOOOOO, whines and runs away  For a while there, I would tell her she wasn't being nice, but by the same token, I want her to grow to respect her own space and not feel forced to have physical contact with anyone, if even a friend.
I would try to find a way to explain to her that not everyone likes to be hugged, and that maybe she should ask nicely before she hugs. But, also, that if anyone shoves/hit/pushes, that it is unacceptable, and to immediately tell a teacher, or say VERY loudly, DON'T HIT/PUSH/SHOVE me.
This is what I taught Alex to do when she came home with stories of a bully in class. I've witnessed her on the playground and now, even if a stranger pushes her, she yells very loudly at them to stop, which always seems to garner the attention of their parents 
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| Posted 11/12/09 3:08 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Oh, the irony.
please for the love of god, don't let your beautiful baby girl hug my DD.
I'm sorry, I dont mean to make light, but really the hitting/shoving that goes on gets ignored by the parents, but you have to tell your Dd not to hug a child.
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| Posted 11/12/09 3:23 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
I think it's terrible that they're not addressing the hitters/shovers.
My DD is a hitter/shover. These two little girls in day care always try to hug her (they're sisters) and not only does she not like being hugged, she doesn't like them.  I ALWAYS reprimand her and tell her to do nice and not to hit M & N. Sometime she gets a swing in before I can see because they tend to run up to her and double-team her as soon as she walks in while I'm hanging up her stuff...
To be honest, I never even thought that they needed to be taught not to hug. I suppose teaching her to ask first is nice, but I also think the hitters REALLY need to be addressed.
Hugging is sometimes appropriate. Hitting never is.
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| Posted 11/12/09 3:36 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
She has a very good vocab and says a lot of things but I don't think she really is up to saying Can I hug you? I have tried to get her to say that and she just doesn't. She is very advanced in someways but not so much in others. I think this falls into one of the not so much - as I said I think that this is her way of saying I want to be your friend.
The worst is when I tried to talk to her about it recently she just says Sorry mommy, sorry mommy like she is in trouble
Message edited 11/12/2009 4:27:34 PM.
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| Posted 11/12/09 4:24 PM |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Posted by Lillykat
The worst is when I tried to talk to her about it recently she just says Sorry mommy, sorry mommy like she is in trouble
Oh god...that is terrible and makes me so sad! Honestly, I wouldn't make an issue out of it. I think she'll learn for herself if kids don't want to be hugged.
This is my fear for my 2 year old because she is the same way. She also tries to kiss kids. It's so sweet for us as her parents but is crushing when you see another child look at her like she's crazy.
I'm a teacher and I hug my kids all the time. However, recently, a student kissed me on the cheek. It was the cutest, most endearing thing, but obviously not the most appropriate. I told him to save his kisses for his mommy. Can you ask her day care/pre school teachers to use that phrase maybe?
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| Posted 11/12/09 4:40 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Posted by mosh913
Posted by Lillykat
The worst is when I tried to talk to her about it recently she just says Sorry mommy, sorry mommy like she is in trouble
Oh god...that is terrible and makes me so sad! Honestly, I wouldn't make an issue out of it. I think she'll learn for herself if kids don't want to be hugged.
This is my fear for my 2 year old because she is the same way. She also tries to kiss kids. It's so sweet for us as her parents but is crushing when you see another child look at her like she's crazy.
I'm a teacher and I hug my kids all the time. However, recently, a student kissed me on the cheek. It was the cutest, most endearing thing, but obviously not the most appropriate. I told him to save his kisses for his mommy. Can you ask her day care/pre school teachers to use that phrase maybe?
The problem is that I was told I need to address it.
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| Posted 11/12/09 4:48 PM |
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imyself
Member since 10/06 2938 total posts
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me
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
My ds is a hugger, hitter and a shover. I never know what he is going to do. I do reprimand him for the hitting and shoving. If the person being hugged does not like it I tell him "honey so and so does not like to be hugged". He is starting to learn his one cousin will toss him if he hugs him. It has been a slow process but he is learning who likes it and who doesn't.
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| Posted 11/12/09 4:51 PM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Posted by Lillykat
DD#1 is a hugger. She is the type of child that wants to be everyone's friend. She will even hug a child who comes over to her and shoves her. I have mixed feelings. When we go to the playground or in preschool - she is getting shoved around by most of the other kids b/c she is much smaller than they are. She doesn't cry she just gets up and either walks away or ignores it. I am glad she isn't shoving or hitting other children but she IS a hugger. It is her way of saying hi and be my friend.
Unfortunately, it is becoming an issue. It seems to be okay that kids hit and shove her and their parents don't say anything (it happens in preschool but also DD gets shoved a lot at the playground - She will be 2.5 at christmas time) - additionally on occasion she has gotten shoved or hit hard for hugging someone and the hitter/shover was not reprimanded but she was told it b.c she hugged them and they didn't want to be hugged. In general she is just a very happy child who wants to be everyone's friend.
It was mentioned in preschool today (and in the past) that most children do not want to be touched and that she has to stop hugging. I have tried to talk to her about not hugging people and only to hug mommy, daddy, Maddie, grandma and grandpa - she gets very clingy when I try to talk to her about it. I was told to tell her to not hug her friends either. It is hard b.c then she goes to the playground and other children hug her and she sees mommy hugging her friends so it is sending mixed messages.
What have others done? Any suggestions. I want to help her but I don't want to make her self conscience or uncomfortable around other children if you KWIM?
OMG It's like you are talking about my DD. DD is also very sweet and friendly and she likes to hug . She will go up and hug kids at the playground , even the ones who just 2 minutes ago shoved her and told her to go away bc she is a "baby" DD doesn't go to daycare or preschool yet so I haven't dealt with people telling me to tell her NOT to hug other kids , but if I do I will be very mad. BC as I mentioned DD gets shoved or is told to " go away" sometimes , and NOT once have a heard or seen a parent say or do anything about it to their kids . It's so sad . I just try to teach DD not to hug strangers.
It makes me so sad and breaks my heart that we have to correct our kids bc they are TOO SWEET AND TOO FRIENDLY
Message edited 11/12/2009 5:20:31 PM.
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| Posted 11/12/09 5:19 PM |
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Excessive explanation at this age goes in one ear and out the other. Instead I would make a rule - you ONLY hug: (mommy, daddy, family, etc, teachers) and maybe some friends who don't mind being hugged.
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| Posted 11/12/09 5:38 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Excessive explanation at this age goes in one ear and out the other. Instead I would make a rule - you ONLY hug: (mommy, daddy, family, etc, teachers) and maybe some friends who don't mind being hugged.
That is what I'm trying to do - but I think she thinks hugging is bad b/c when I say it she says I'm sorry mommy. The problem is that she hugs then she gets pushed and I hear the excuse for the shoving or hitting was well she hugged the child and he/she didn't want to be hugged.
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| Posted 11/13/09 8:19 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Can we talk hugging and 2 year olds....
Can you suggest an alternate behavior.. like "no hugs give High-5's" I know this sounds silly but this way she still feels like she is being affectionate.
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| Posted 11/13/09 9:09 AM |
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