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can someone proofread my email

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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY

Member since 2/07

17374 total posts

Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE

can someone proofread my email

i'm replying to a gentleman whose employer put too much money in his 401k in 2007. we corrected it in feb 2008. his employer made the mistake, not us. if he has any other questions he needs to speak with HR. how does my email sound?

TIA!


Mr. XXX:

I have done research into the reason(s) behind the negative deferrals to your account in the first quarter of 2008. From my research, I have found that your employer made an excess Payroll contribution to your account for 2007 which was identified and brought to our attention on 2/07/2008, at which time we were instructed to correct it by Ms. YYY. Since the corrections were made in 2008, your statement can not be corrected because the information on it is accurate to reflect the transactions that took place during that time.

Soon after your initial phone call on 4/29/2008 inquiring into the matter, contact was made with Ms. YYY on 5/05/2008 to inform her that you were looking into the matter. If you have further questions into the matter, please contact Ms. YYY.

Thank you,

LLL

Posted 5/13/08 4:14 PM
 
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: can someone proofread my email

Posted by libby2595

After your April 29th phone call inquiring into the matter, we contacted Ms. YYY on May 5th to inform her that you were looking into the matter. If you have further questions into the matter, please contact Ms. YYY.

Thank you,

LLL



The rest is fine.

Posted 5/13/08 4:21 PM
 

MarathonKnitter
HAPPY

Member since 2/07

17374 total posts

Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE

Re: can someone proofread my email

thank you so much. i knew that paragraph sounded a little "off"

sending now Chat Icon

Posted 5/13/08 4:23 PM
 

joenick
Us

Member since 6/06

9370 total posts

Name:
Valerie...aka...Do Me A Favor?

Re: can someone proofread my email

The second paragraph has too many "matters".

How about:

After your initial phone inquiry on 4/29/08, Ms. YYY was contacted on 5/05/08 to notify her of your situation. If you have further questions, please contact Ms. YYY.

Posted 5/13/08 4:24 PM
 

Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st

Member since 5/05

15287 total posts

Name:

Re: can someone proofread my email

How does this sound?

Mr. XXX:

I have researched the reason(s) behind the negative deferrals to your account in the first quarter of 2008.

I found that your employer made an excess Payroll contribution to your account in 2007. This was identified and brought to our attention on 2/07/2008. At that time we were instructed to correct it by Ms. YYY. Since the corrections were made in 2008, your statement can not be changed because the information on it is accurate and reflects the transactions that took place during that time.

After your initial inquiryon 4/29/2008, we contacted Ms. YYY to inform her that you were looking into the matter. If you have further questions into the matter, please contact Ms. YYY.

Thank you,

LLL

Posted 5/13/08 4:26 PM
 
 

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