Can I vent for a sec?

First - sorry so long.
Second - don't quote since I will probably delete in fear of lurkers.

My SIL invited us to her house for dinner last night. So I asked what I could bring. She said just bring a dessert since we have dinner covered. I said great.

So my BIL is allergic to nuts. So for him I made brownies which I know he has had before and doesn’t have to worry about the allergy. And for everyone else I made apple cinnamon muffins. My BIL goes over to the dessert table and asks me what kind of muffins they are. So I said "apple cinnamon but I didn’t check the box to see if you can have them. So instead I made you your favorite brownies."

And what does my mother in law say? "How dare you not think to check ingredients, you deserve to die"

I was so taken back by the comment (which I've heard her say to others before as a supposed "joke") that I thought I was going to burst out in tears. The whole room goes quite, I look at her and say "I don't think that comment is appropriate to say to someone, especially not someone who is about to give you your first grandchild". Her response "oh, I was just kidding and you know that". Long pause. Then she says "well how about I say 'I am going to kill you'" I didn't even grant that with a response, just rolled my eyes. No one said anything except my SIL who says "oh you know she's just kidding".

I told DH on the way home that no one deserves to be spoken to like that. And obviously no one found the joke even remotely funny since after the comment was made the room went quiet and no one said a word. And I told DH I refuse to allow our children be a witness to the cruel and inappropriate comments made towards their parents. And if she cant control the diarrhea of the mouth now I don’t have faith that when the children are here it will be any different.

And I have to say I have been pretty balanced this whole pregnancy. I don’t cry at the drop of a hat and I am pretty much in control of my emotions. So I do not feel I am over reacting.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

OMG! I'm sorry for you
What a thing to say!
It sounds like everyone around the table was very embarrassed!!! Your DH needs to talk with his mother!

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

You are absolutely right for feeling the way that you do and for reacting the way that you did.

I say nip that in the bud with her from now to avoid potential problems in the future.

Good luck!!

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

what was DH's response to what you said?

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

wow. just wow.

who SAYS that to ANYONE - pregnant or not???

i am sorry you have to deal with her - and i think you are entirely right to tell your DH that you will not tolerate being spoken to that way. if he and his family want to tolerate it that's THEIR choice.

if she wants to be in your child's life she's going to have to learn to act like a human being!!

and i don't understand how "you deserve to die" or "i am going to kill you" could ever possibly be interpreted as a joke? how is that funny?



is this typical behavior for her?

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

I would have told her that I don't know she is kidding, and no one is supposed to 'kid' like that. I would have then gotten my coat, and walked out the door and left.

That was totally unappropriate. You made brownies for your BIL, and that was very sweet of you to think of him.

You handled it very well, I would have left.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

It does sound like she was being sarcastic- but what an incredib;y unfunny sracastic comment. It makes me uncomfortable to read it.
Eww.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

I thought you handled that VERY well. I would have went off on her...

BTW, what did your Dh say? Was he silent too?

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

Yes, DH went silent.

And on the drive home I brought it up. And I said to him "The comment your mother made was super inappropriate and truly hurt my feelings. And I don't want this to come across as a threat but I can't take the chance of your mom all of a sudden learning manners and respect. And the next crack at me will not be taken so lightly and you will be visiting your parents solo and will not be allowed to bring the baby with you."

He apologized and I really feel bad for him. He obviously can't control the words that fly out of his mothers mouth but just because she has no morals doesn't mean I should fall victim.

What a stinky situation.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

I think he still needs to speak to his mother. That really was uncalled for.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

Posted by sunflowerjesss

Yes, DH went silent.

And on the drive home I brought it up. And I said to him "The comment your mother made was super inappropriate and truly hurt my feelings. And I don't want this to come across as a threat but I can't take the chance of your mom all of a sudden learning manners and respect. And the next crack at me will not be taken so lightly and you will be visiting your parents solo and will not be allowed to bring the baby with you."

He apologized and I really feel bad for him. He obviously can't control the words that fly out of his mothers mouth but just because she has no morals doesn't mean I should fall victim.

What a stinky situation.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

What a strange way to make a joke. She clearly has an off sense of humor. I would let her know that you don't find those type of comments "funny."

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

ITA with OPs. I would have to have DH say something to her. That is not right at all!

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

That was my response...She had NO right to say that! I'm so sorry

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

whoa. I would let her know in no uncertain terms that she will not see her grandchild if she continues to treat you that way.

That's awful, that had to make everyone uncomfortable.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

Your MIL has an *ahem* interesting sense of humor. You handled yourself very well IMO. It may have been clear that she was joking b/c what kind of psycho says that and means it, but her humor is not so funny or appropriate. I feel bad for your DH since he really can't help what she says, but he totally does need to back you up here. Maybe just a simple "mom, you are not as funny as you think you are, so maybe tone it down a bit."

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

Thanks everyone for the hugs and support.

I can't believe someone so evil and crude gave me one of the best gifts of a lifetime, my husband.

*sigh* hopefully one day this lady will wake up and realize she isn't funny and the only way she is remotely tolerable is if she doesn't speak at all.

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

yeah.....um......my mouth literally dropped.

Am I aloud to say this? Well i am saying it anyway.......she should be taken out back and shot. Okay that's not nice either. Okay, I don't mean that. Sorry.

But come on........grow up. Who says that? Who talks like that?

I don't know what to say except ITA with you!!!!

Re: Can I vent for a sec?

Wow- that is a very strong comment and not really funny. It's weird. It does sound like everyone was embarrassed for her.