BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

DS is 6 1/2 months old and has never been a great sleeper. But over the past 3 weeks it seems he's gotten a lot worse with waking up and not going back to sleep. He's only giving me two-three initial hours (he goes down at 7pm and is sometimes already awake by 9 or 10pm) where as he used to give me anywhere between 5-7 hours. It's not teething, which we originally thought, but I'm at a loss. Most of the time now he'll only be calmed by nursing, and once he's done and I put him back in the crib, he will wake screaming again within the next half and hour to an hour later. This will go on all night until he completely wakes up - which can be anywhere between 5 am and 7 am.

I've been so absolutely exhausted lately that I've been putting him in bed with me and letting him nurse there, fall asleep and nurse again when he wakes up crying. I don't want to continue that because I'm afraid of the habit it'll cause, and I'm not planning on nursing him forever, but I'm at a loss as to what else to do.

I've read so many books, I do what is suggested. We have a bedtime routine of a bath, stories and nursing. He's put down mostly awake and puts himself to sleep. There are times I am able to just rub his belly when he's in the crib and shush him back to sleep when he wakes crying, but those times are not often. We don't do CIO partly because it doesn't work for us as a family and partly because the couple of times we've tried he's vomited from the tandrum.

Last night he got up at 10 and didn't go back to sleep until 1 am. Woke up almost every hour on the hour until 6am, even with him sleeping beside me.

I'm growing delirious from lack of sleep. I have a handicapped mother I also take care of and there is simply no time to rest during the day between her and DS (not that the rest would be much anyway). DH tries to get DS to go back to sleep at night but in the end it always comes down to me.

A little background: DH and I live in a one bedroom apartment and we currently share a bedroom with DS. DS got my trait of being a very light sleeper, so we have a loud sound machine going in there in an effort to help drown out sounds from the rest of the house. We live with four other people who also apparently never sleep, so there are always doors banging and stomping coming from upstairs. There is a lot of noise to contend with unfortunately. I have no idea if that has anything to do with him constantly waking up.

We are debating moving the bed into the living room and letting DS have the bedroom, which I'm so afraid may not even work now. I'm scared that I'm somehow ruining my child (yes, first time mommy fears at their best). We were hoping to be in a new house by mid summer, but that looks like it's going to be pushed back to when DS will be pushing 1 years old.

My ped. basically told me that DS will never sleep through the night as long as we are all in the same room.

So I guess my question is to the BTDT Mom's who also share/d a room with their DC - how did you manage to get them to sleep if you had an issue like me? I don't even care at this point if he sleeps completely through the night, I'll go back to the two-three wakes ups if it means I won't have to do the hourly ones. Is it hopeless? Have I managed to mess everything up? I am so full of self doubt now all the time.

Message edited 5/20/2013 7:19:37 AM.

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

Im sorry that i dont have any great advice but just wanted to say how sorry i am your going through his. I went through this for a month with my dd but she was getting sick then got sick and then once we put her in her crib when she felt better and she was in her room she was fine. Between being sick and outgrowing her bassinet she just needed to be in her crib
But ill never forget how i felt that month. I felt like a zombie and it was horrible.
You have not managed to mess everything up. Your child is not damag.. i know people that have the space yet keep a portable crib in their room to keep child with them. I also have friends that allow and enjoy having their child sleep in the bed with them.
I do not know why he keeps getting up even when hes with you. Is he gassy at all? Does he take a binky? Does he have a lovey? Is there anything else that soothes him? Is he too hot? Too cold?

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

Thank you for the kind words. I wouldn't mind him sleeping with me if he actually slept.

He has a lovie ( and loves his lovie ), wont take a pacifier, the room stays between 70-72 degrees and if I find he's sweating, I take off the sleep sack ( again, he's like me and sweats constantly ). He only likes to be soothed by nursing, which was fine at 2 wake ups a night... But hourly is just a little much I think. Maybe I'm wrong.

As far as gas, he's been gassy since birth. I've cut out a lot of food I eat but even that, along with gas drops, doesn't seem to help. :(

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

I am probably not the best person to answer bc DD1 still sleeps in our bed and she is almost 2. It started the same way as you - I would put DD in the bed to nurse and I would fall asleep with her in the bed. She didn't STTN until she turned 1. I would try putting him to bed later - 7 seems too early to me. Maybe he will be more tired then and sleep longer.

What about putting the crib in the living room? Maybe also feed him more solid food and get him fuller?

Wish I had good advice for you, but know that this will eventually pass. GL.

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

I went thru all that with my twins. It is brutal.

We had a co-sleeper attached to the bed and at some point one of them ended up moving into the bed with us. One of my girls is an awesome sleeper. I put her down at 8 and she sleeps till 7-8am. She is also the better eater. I nursed them both until 10 months old, although I did supplement with formula. I found the better sleeper was also the one who preferred to bottle feed (be it by formula or by pumped milk) She was a faster eater/nurser. The one who preferred to nurse ate more often, less amounts. She is still smaller and eats less volume, more frequently. Have you noticed any difference if you feed him a pumped bottle vs nursing?

Both my girls had reflux and were on medicine. Their gastro dr had me putting cereal in their bottles to make it thicker so that it weighed the food down. Maybe you can talk to the pediatrician about that.

Does he do better when he is more upright? Like swinging or in a vibrating seat? My sister used to strap her babies in their infant car seats to sleep sometimes.

One of my babies still sleeps with me every night and she is 2. They both are scream pukers so I know why you don't want to let him just CIO. I think you might do better when he is eating heavier meals. Especially during a growth spurt, when your production hasn't caught up to it yet.

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

The later bedtime didnt work. He was waking up earlier in the morning (between four thirty and 5 am for the day). Least now I get usually between five thirty and six (it makes a difference for me).

We can't move the crib out because we have cats and they're left in the living room. They will make their bed DS' crib and that wouldn't be good. Plus he's a light sleeper. We'd have to go to bed with him at 7 to get him to sleep in the living room.

Also he has three solid meals a day, lol.

See why I'm at a loss? I'm sorry. I feel like I have an answer for everything. We will just have to get through this I guess and deal with the consequences after. Or move the bed out here and hope he gets used to sleeping on his own.

ETA:

Sorry I posted this before seeing the next reply.

I used to supplement each nursing session with formula after, and that worked for a little while (he was around a month and a half-2 months) but it was quickly outgrown. Then I went to giving him a big bottle of formula before bedtime thinking that would help, but I got the same results, didn't sleep any longer and was still up multiple times to nurse/be soothed.

I thought once we went to solids it would get better. He has 3 solid meals a day, fruit and cereal in the morning and night, and either a yogurt or veggie for lunch.

I've done nursing every four hours, I've done nursing every two hours... I've supplemented, and even tried cereal in the bottle. He used to even sleep in his car carrier! But he's almost outgrown that, so it's not really an option anymore.

Also to be noted: he doesn't really care for the swing, because that would have been an easy answer lol.

Message edited 5/20/2013 9:28:37 AM.

Re: BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

I think the room definitely needs to be cooler if he is a sweater, and there is no need for a sleep sack. That is really only to keep them warm.

Have you considered CIO? It's not for everyone but if you can move your bed into the living room, doing CIO at the same time might work for you.

He is definitely old enough to be giving you a more consistent stretch of sleeping.

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

He vomits with CIO. I mean, I don't run to his side at the first sound of him crying, and sometimes within a few minutes he puts himself back to sleep - but he'll be up and crying again within a half hour usually after.

I agree that he could be giving longer stretches, and he was. I'm starting to wonder if he's getting separation anxiety or something along those lines...

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

With everything you said, I would guess hunger isn't really the issue. It definitely could be seperation anxiety at that age or just wanting to be soothed by you. DD is 12 months and I still nurse her most nights. She's gone through lots of phases with sleep, some worse than others of course. I know she can STTN but I still feed her when she wakes and doesn't get back to sleep within 5-10 minutes.

How long has he been doing this? I found if I usually waited out the worst phases they usually only lasted about a week. If I was in your situation, I would probably try throwing your mattress on the floor of you living room to see what happens. It's worth a try. DD always wakes when we have to share a room during vacations. Maybe look online for ideas on how to help soundproof the room. Things like hanging quilts on the walls can help absorb sounds. I would definitely not call things hopeless or say you've messed anything up! He's still so young. I think all the babies we hear about on this board that STTN every night from a young age make us think our LOs aren't the norm and we must be doing something wrong when I really don't think that's the case.

Re: BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

My personal opinion, which may not be too popular here, is to wait it out. Cosleep (safely), so that your LO can nurse on demand without you having to wake you (side lie position). I am currently experiencing this and am delirious with lack of sleep but this is the best option given so little.
I'm anti cio
Giving formula didn't make an iota of a difference, and I've read that food doesnt make a difference either.
Babies aren't wired to sttn. Many do but if they don't, there's nothing wrong with them. i have one twin that sttn, and one who wakes 3 times a night. They eat and nap the same during the day. Its a personality thing.
This is a relatively short period in your lives, I'd suggest waiting it out.

Re: BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

We had the Same issue in our one bedroom. We ended up taking dc out of the crib and putting him to sleep in our bed. Then when dh and I went to bed, he slept next to dc and I slept in the living room. Not ideal but it worked! I think dc wanted to sleep in our bed all along

He saw us sleeping in that bed, he wanted out go his crib

Message edited 5/20/2013 10:37:01 AM.

Re: BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

Re: BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

Re: BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

First off I want to thank every one for their replies. I spoke with DH and we are probably going to stick with what we are doing, which is putting him in the crib and moving him midmorning to the bed when he becomes inconsolable.

I just want to everyone to know that I don't expect him to STTN! Sorry if that's the impression that I gave. I know it would be a wonderful thing if he did, but I'm totally okay with him waking up - my issue was now that he was waking up almost every hour when he was sleeping better before. I didn't understand why something like this was starting to happen is all. But yes, sometimes it's overwhelming to hear how everyone's baby sleeps from 7 to 7 without waking up and it does sometimes make me question what I'm doing wrong, if anything.

Plus having the ped. tell me that it's basically a hopeless endeavor made me feel even worse.

I am happy to know that there are other mom's out there like me, and that putting the baby in the bed with us so we can all have a better nights sleep isn't such a horrible thing. I know this is a phase and even if he ends up sleeping with us until he's 3, it's not forever. Sometimes the sleep deprivation gets to me and I cry out looking for help.

You've all been wonderful, and I feel better about the decision DH and I have come to. It's what will work for us for now.

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

Stick with it!

By the way we had a Snuggle Nest for AJ to sleep with us so she was there safely. Plus she learned it was 'her space' and we had ours. Put it in the middle of us. In our QUEEN! LOL tight but worth it since we all slept better!

Good Luck!

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

Xelindrya your 100% right!!! Do what works for you.
My dd didn't go into her crib until 7-7.5 months old and everyone and I mean EVERYONE told me what a problem it was going to be. Shes too used to sleeping next to you (in a bassinet in our bedroom next to my side of the bed)... And ya know what not a problem at all. She went right into her crib and has loved every second of it ever since. Got way better sleep in it.
Do I still have nights where she wakes up, ABSOLUTELY! Do I have nights where she does STTN? ABSOLUTELY! It is what it is.

Im sorry your peds said that you because its absolute BS! Just like adults are different, children are different. I grew up in a 2 bedroom apartment but have 2 older brothers so they had their own room. I never did until they went off to college and I slept in a crib next to my mother and then I had my toddler bed NEXT TO my mother because of the lack of space. I sttn. My mother said I wasn't a bad sleeper at all.

My brother on the other hand who had his own room used to stand in his crib and cry for HOURS. NOTHING made him stop until my mother would go in and soothe him.
So I think your peds is an a$$ for telling you that!
My friend lets her 1.5 year old sleep in her bed, always has. She sttn with no issues.

Message edited 5/20/2013 3:12:09 PM.

BTDTMs who share a bedroom with DC (long)

I did not put DS in his crib until 9 or 10 months. I might have been later. He was in the PnP in our room. the late move was partially due to the heat in the summer and not having AC in hsi room and partially because I like having him close.

I have a kis that will fall asleep anywhere (i have posted pics of that) but we do have stretches where he has issues. HE didn't start to STTN regualrly until 6-7 months. I have done CIO a few times. Each episode of not sleeping usually happened before soemthing big....crawling, walking, teeth.

Hang in there. Chances are you will be able to go back to the old pattern or maybe an even better one.

The only thing I made sure to do is not do feeding unless I really felt like DS was hungry. I realized he had different cries....I just didn't him waking and getting a bottle because he expected it.

It sucks to have to deal with the sleepless nights but I promise it does end!!!