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Bruno Covers ‘GQ’ Magazine July 2009
Sacha Baron Cohen hilariously takes the July 2009 cover of GQ magazine as his naked alter ego, gay Austrian fashion journalist Bruno. In the issue, Bruno answers your burning sartorial questions. Here’s a few LOL celebrity-related ones:
Dear Brüno, how can I get some “Efron hair”? Or at least some “Pattinson hair”? Ich vouldn’t bother getting a Zac Efron hairstyle right now, cos ich am about to change mine and he’s certain to copy me again. In terms of grooming, ze only thing he hasn’t copied me with ist getting his ballensack pierced— vell, he hadn’t had it done ze last time ich saw him.
Dear Brüno, what do you sleep in? In reality, ich sleep in a seaweed body wrap
under a Zac Posen Navy-Cut Nightshirt. In mein dreams, ich sleep naked in a giant reed basket drifting slowly down ze Nile, cradled in ze arms of Daniel Radcliffe.
Dear Brüno, is it okay to “manscape” down there? It’s more zan okay; it is most essential. Be careful if you do it yourself, though—yesterday ich tried to self-wax mein arschenhaller
und glued meinself to ze bed. Manscaping ist important, but not as crucial as getting regular anal bleaching. If Brüno didn’t get his schmutziger arschenhaller bleached twice a month, his shtinker vould resemble Dizzy Gillespie during a trumpet solo. In Austria anal bleaching ist considered so important zat it’s paid for by ze state. In fact, you cannot run for office if you don’t have a vhite arschwitz. Indeed, ex-chancellor Kurt Waldheim vas elected on ze back of a prishtine anus. Zere are added benefits to getting ze bleaching—on my last session, mein beautician, Klaus, found ze long-lost head of a David Beckham action figure up zere.
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