breastfeeding - a vent / confession

okay, so for the umpteenth time, i was walked in on just now while pumping...

why aren't workplaces more sensitive to the needs of breastfeeding mothers?!


but that's not what this post is really about. usually i would just laugh it off and continue pumping.

but i guess that, over 4 months in, i am getting tired of Bfing. i am tired of pumping all the time. i am tired - literally - and just want to sleep through the night for once. i want to stop thinking about what i'm eating... and i want to stop being so hungry ALL the @#$%^ time! i'm tired of worrying about ds getting enough... and lately, i'm tired of worrying that he will refuse to nurse.

i feel totally, completely guilty for feeling this way and i keep on going because i still feel like breastmilk is the best nutrition for him... but i'm starting to cave, i'm just not sure that it's worth my sanity at this point...

thanks for letting me vent

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I don't have advice to give, because it is a personal choice that you have to make. Breastmilk is best for your baby, but if it is wearing you down physically and mentally, then you need to do what you need to do. If you choose to supplement or even switch to formula completely, dc wiill be fine, and at least you were able to give breastmilk thus far.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

i agree with above. you're doing great and its normal to feel this way - this was part of why i decided to wean when i did. As for sleeping at night, maybe consider only supplementing the night bottle - it may help him sleep longer and allow you to get some uninterrupted sleep so you're rested and it wont feel so bad?

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I completely understand how you are feeling.

Ive been exclusively pumping now for 3.5 months - and at times it is annoying - especially cleaning the pump, accessories while caring for my newborn, 2 year old and household chores....etc....

Hang in there - you are almost there - just remember how much money you are saving in formula - i also try to make one year my goal - so im almost 4 months down already....

I know some days i want to give up but overall i know its the best thing i can give my child right now since i know i have the milk. Overall - its a personal choice - i try and make breastfeeding my priority and the chores come second - its just put things into perspective for me at least for the moment.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I have only been BF for 5.5 weeks and i am already almost ready to give up! I can't take it! My son is the slowest eater (he was finally able to latch on his own last week without the nipple gaurd so I am hoping this will speed him up) and he also cluster feeds in the evenings to the point where i cry every other night because I am unable to move. I hate breastfeeding. There is no great bonding going on for me and I really think that I would be able to bond and enjoy my son much more if i were just giving him formual.

That all being said, I am trying really really hard to keep with it. It is the best nutrition for your child but I believe for many people it is also a huge sacrafice. I would just set a goal for yourself like one more month and then after that if you want to stop you should. i think a happy healthy mommy is very important too! If I make it to the point you are at I will have no problem throwing in the towel!

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I don't blame you. It's so much work. I am so sick of pumping too, not being able to have more freedom and just being completely worn down. I constantly worry about my milk. You have made it this far and that's a wonderful gift you have given to him. Be proud. I really commend you for pumping under those conditions at work!

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I am with you all the way. I EBF. I pump bottles once or twice a day to get DS used to it for when I go back to work. BFing is hard and very time consuming. Its harder when you go places or party's and you have to leave to go BF and feel like you are missing out. But a positive is the bonding experience that you are having with your baby that no one else can. I know a year feels like forever away but think about your baby looking into your eyes and looking its mommy. Thats what keeps me going. Not the money saved (that does help) but I feel like its our time. They grow up so fast so just enjoy every minute you have. Good luck.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I feel like this all the time. DD is 3 1/2 months and I'm EXHAUSTED all the time. I'm cranky and I snap at DH. But right now, I have no other choice. DD refuses to take a bottle and I'm sick of hearing her cry when DH tries to feed her. She got to the point where she would start crying at the sight of the bottle or just when DH would hold her. What keeps me going is how fast time goes and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. She's not going to BF forever. And I just think that this year will be the hardest, kind of how they say your first year of marriage is...lol

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

My only advice for you is this...if it isn't for you. Give it up. Don't get to a point where you are miserable, enjoy your baby and if that means giving up the BF'ing. Just do it. You have done a great job thus far, and given your baby the best start available.

Good Luck!!!

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I have been supplementing say day one because DD didn't latch at first and we had to see a LC for a while. Now she one year and one week old and we still BF 4 times a day and she gets a bottle.

I found supplementing to be the best for me as far as letting me live and not feel tied down. It didn't deplete my supply and helped me feel balanced.

But I will also say that if it isn't for you or it is making you miserable, stop. Your baby needs a happy mommy.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

okay, so i just pumped again, and i store the milk in this little fridge in the psych ER, where they keep the soda/sandwiches for the patients. i keep it in a container and then put the contained in a ziplock baggie.

there's this male nurse in there today who KEEPS on focusing on the milk whenever i go in there.

i want to be like WHAT THE HE!! ARE YOU LOOKING AT??????

i have to laugh... i'm just having a very bad day with this

tomorrow is another day. i am sleep deprived and tired of this @#$&% ER and i just need to get out and get some fresh air.

THANKS SO MUCH to all of you for all the support. it means so much to know that i can come on here and complain and have people willing to listen. i truly appreciate it

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

there are times when i feel its a bit much - i have to pump when i get to work at 7ish, then at lunch at 11, then during a resource at 1:30 and after school at 3:30 - so i feel u on the pumping thing. but i keep doing it b/c i know its best for him and a smaller sacrifice for me.. however, if u are this drained and don't want to go on...don't - you've given ur child this much thus far, so don't sweat it. it doesn't make you any less of a mother and if anything, it may give u the peace of mind that u need to be more giving (in a different way)

good luck with whichever way u choose

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I just want to say I am jealous .
I was going to BF my DS for 3 months, then I found myself buying a pump before going back to work (which wasn't my plan). Luckily there was a handicap bathroom I could lock and no one interrupted me but I was always stared at by one man at the same times every day going in and coming out with what looked like a lunch bag. I still wonder if he knew what I was doing. I also had to where double pads for fear I would leak during a meeting. After 10 months I got sick and needed antibiotics and my DS weaned off pretty quickly with no hassle. My supply went down and I was ok with it, since he also got his first tooth that week . All I kept thinking was I may never BF again. So I just want to say everything has its ups and downs but BFing is just one of the most beautiful things women can do besides birth. BTW I never knew how much formula was but I learned quickly and was very happy he could start cows milk soon thereafter.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

a happy mom is best for the baby!

you have to do what is right for you. 4 months is a great achievement in itself and you have nothing to feel sorry about.

i know how you feel about the food! I am almost 3 months in and its TOUGH. I try to eat whatever - outside of alcohol - and just take vitamins and not obsess about food. I find its easier that way.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I understand your frustration. My boss keeps trying to get into our women's single stall bathroom at work while I pump. But he's a man!!!!!! Thing is, he has a men's room single stall bathroom right next door. They are clearly marked men and women.

If you are at the breaking point, then I think you need to start figuring out how to wean. If mommy isn't happy, then baby will not be happy.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

Posted by waterspout4

If you are at the breaking point, then I think you need to start figuring out how to wean. If mommy isn't happy, then baby will not be happy.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

DD stopped BFing at 5 weeks. I planned to go for a year.

I was extremely upset at first.

I pumped for a week and then I went to formula.

DD has had 2 colds, each lasting a day and a half, since she was born. No viruses, no fevers, no hospital visits, nothing. She is happy and healthy. And so am I.

You have to do what works for you. If it is too much, start to wean. At first you may feel sad but soon you will appreciate the time you have to spend in other ways with DD.

Personally, I felt like we started bonding when she went on the bottle. I didn't feel any bonding while she was BFing. When I give her a bottle, we can see each other and we look at each other. It can also be a very special experience.

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

I only pumped 3 times a day at most, and I hated it. Do what YOU need to do for your health & happiness, it will only make for a better mommy for your baby

Re: breastfeeding - a vent / confession

We must have worked in the same hospital

It gets much easier soon. After I hit 6 months it became better. That's when solids came into play and I pumped less. After 1 year (if you choose to) it's a breeze. The pump is building dust. When those teeth started coming in I was so glad I stuck with it...

I do miss being able to drink a large cappuccino with a PB & J sandwich and a diet coke...but only because I'm not supposed to.

Whatever you decide, be proud of yourself!