Bar Mitzvah Gift Etiquette

DH and I have been invited to our first Bar Mitzvah, but we won't be able to attend. The invitation stated "in lieu of gifts please consider donating to your favorite charity". Do I respond "no" with a monetary gift enclosed or make a donation to a charity and state that on the response card?

I should mention this is for my boss' son so I truly want to do what's proper.

Thanks!

Re: Bar Mitzvah Gift Etiquette

if the family requested a donation,
i would check off no and on the card write a short note saying "thank you for inviting us to celebrate with your family. Unfortuantely, we will not be able to attend. In honor of David becoming a Bar Mitzvah, we have made a donation to xxxxx in his name."

If you don't have a favorite charity, you could donate to their rabbi's and cantor's discretionary funds or another Temple fund in the boy's honor.

Re: Bar Mitzvah Gift Etiquette

Re: Bar Mitzvah Gift Etiquette

I would respond not attending.

Pick a charity and send it to celebrate his Bar Mitzvah. You don't have to do this but a gift in multiples of 18 is considered Chai' (sp) or good luck. If you can get a card from the charity stating that a donation has been made in (insert name) honor put it in the response. If not a separate card can be mailed directly from the charity to him.

The amount of the donation is not necessary to put on the card. In fact, it's probably not in good taste IMO.

I really like that he is doing that.

Re: Bar Mitzvah Gift Etiquette

you're welcome!

if you want to donate to jewish charities,here are some suggestions:

Mazon (feeds the hungry)
JNF (jewish national fund-- plants trees in israel)
Hadassah (jewish women's zionist organization and hospital in jerusalem)
URJ camps (summer camps affiiliated with the Union for Reform Judaism)
HUC-JIR soup kitchen (hebrew union college-jewish institute of religion runs a soup kitchen out of their NYC campus)

Re: Bar Mitzvah Gift Etiquette