Baby Blues

I'm not sure if I should post here or on Relationships.

Just some background on me. I spent most of my time on this site in either TTC or Infertility.
DH and I started TTC in 2012. After many IUIs, one fresh IVF and 2 FETs, I got my BFP this past summer of 2016 (almost 4 years after starting TTC). To say we were happy is an understatement. I had some infertility PTSD during the pregnancy (scared to annouce it, scared I'd miscarry, etc), but other than that, the pregnancy was awesome and easy. DH and I have a great relationship- we are so in love and are each other's best friends. We've been together for 10+ years. I think the infertility made our bond even stronger and those 9 months of pregnancy were the best 9 months I had in a long time. Finally, the TTC journey was behind us and we had something to look forward to. Cuddling together and feeling the baby kick was amazing and is a memory I'll never forget.

Last month I gave birth to my DD. My delivery was long and rough- not at all easy like my pregnancy. But my DD is beautiful and healthy. She's also colic which I know is normal for babies but at times (especially the trying times), I really miss my alone time with DH. What I really miss is the pregnancy because I felt like we were a family of 3 except the baby was in my womb and not screaming. I feel so guilty that I have these feelings like did we do the right thing by pursuing TTC? And I feel guilty because we went through so much to get pg. I really didn't think I'd feel this way about parenting when we were TTC ..I could understand if my pregnancy was an accident or happened right away, but how can I feel blue after what I've been through for 4 years? Can anyone relate? Is this normal?

Baby Blues

You are totally normal. It is a huge, huge adjustment having a baby. There is no way to prepare for it at all. I remember when my DD 1 was born, one day I thought to myself OMG I just want to lay on the couch and not feed a baby or change a diaper today!!! And you just can't. You hafta do it even when you don't wanna do it. The beginning is extra hard bc there is a lot of work and little reward plus you are friggen exhausted. I promise it will get better and when the fog clears you will love being a mom. Hormones are also crazy right now. It may help to talk to your OB.

I have 2 DDs and they are the best thing in the absolute world. Of course some days I joke that I dont wanna "mother" LOL and some days Im amazing and some days I just suck but I love them to death and would do anything for them.

Baby Blues

PS You mentioned you miss alone time with your DH. It is really hard to adjust priorities when a new baby is in the picture. Now you both have that child to focus on. Make time for yourself and as a couple when you can. My DH and I are honestly the worst at it but it is so important to still do date nite, or try and spend time with just each other even if it is only a few minutes a day.

Re: Baby Blues

What you are feeling is 100% normal and also due to hormones. Your hormones are all over the place after you have a baby, it's like PMS times 100.
Add to that a HUGE HUGE lifestyle change and a screaming baby and no sleep- and it's a recipe for disaster.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way!
It gets better.
You get into a routine. You adjust.

But the beginning is just awful. I would cry so much. I missed my job, I missed my friends, I missed being just DH and I, I missed coming and going as I pleased.
I felt like all I did was make bottles, wash bottles, feed bottles, change diapers, repeat. All in a formula stained t shirt.

It gets better.. I promise.

Message edited 5/30/2017 12:37:55 PM.

Re: Baby Blues

What you're going through is completely normal, and nothing AT ALL to feel guilty about! The first two to three months with a newborn is a rough, isolating, sleep-depriving, existential mess even if you have an "easy baby." Your hormones are adjusting, and you are likely bleeding and/or physically recovering from labor/c-section at the one month mark. I have an almost-4-year-old and another on the way, and am trying to remind myself that the tough period in the beginning is only a short while. You will one day sleep well again!

My baby was colicky for several weeks, and we discovered she had a milk protein allergy and would scream after I consumed dairy and fed her. I had to avoid dairy for about eight months while breastfeeding and we supplemented with a gentle formula. She's been consuming dairy herself since she was about 15 months old without a problem. It's worth looking into if this is a possibility!

I realized also in the beginning that the more sleep deprived I was, the more I felt depressed. My husband started taking care of the baby between 9pm and midnight so I could sleep straight through those hours, and it helped a lot.

Re: Baby Blues

It is a huge huge life change and adjustment. I mourned the loss of my old life, me and dh, carefree, doing as we wish. It's really hard to deal with this new change, despite wanting a child. It doesn't make you a bad person. The blues, PPD, resentment, guilt, etc, all of those don't discriminate just because you struggled for years ttc, so don't feel bad that you're feeling like this, it's pretty normal. I just wish I sought help after I had DD, I really wasn't myself for over a year.

Re: Baby Blues

It's totally normal and it will get better. I promise you will love being a mommy!

The beginning is exhausting and you're adjusting to/accepting a new lifestyle. One day your baby will sleep, one day this will be your new "norm" and you won't even remember what life was like pre-baby.

Until then, there's no reason to suffer. I'm not sure when exactly you gave birth, but you should talk to your OB at your 6-week appt if that's soon. Also, don't be afraid to ask for help even if that means a 2-hour nap in the middle of the day. You'll feel rejuvenated just to have some "me" time.

Re: Baby Blues

Re: Baby Blues

First off hugs. This is all very normal. In fact I see a therapist for anxiety in general but made worse since having children. It's actually more common for people who struggled to conceive to have post partum. Id def suggest talking to someone. There are a lot of great resources who specialize in it.

You can still have your one on one time with dh. Maybe after the baby goes to sleep. Sit outside now that it's nice, have some wine. Catch up. My aunt gave me great advice when I had my first dd. Get dinner and try not to talk about the baby, share pictures etc. it's hard not to talk about them but it does help.

Re: Baby Blues

So normal and I promise it will get better.

My story was a bit different, I was with DH for 2 years before we got married and then we got pregnant 2 months after our wedding. If anything, we did it fast. I was so excited to have a child with him though and had told him on Date #2 that I had baby fever. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and trying to get pregnant right away was always our plan.

Once DS was here, I truly thought we made a mistake, I thought we rushed it and didn't have enough time just the two of us. In the beginning after we brought him home, we were just roommates with 1 joint goal, to do whatever we needed for DS. There was no time for us as a couple and it killed me. I truly wondered why I had baby fever for so long and often thought we made a big mistake.

I can't say when the switch flipped but slowly, our son grew out of newborn stage and we were able to find ourselves and our relationship again. Right now, it's all about baby, not about you and your husband. But it won't always be that way - I promise.

Re: Baby Blues

I felt the same way! Going from no kids to having kids is the hardest. Having my second Dc was much easier on my emotions. although some of those feelings came back with #2, like I was messing up our perfect family of 3. But those feeling disappeared a lot faster and now I'm praying for #3 soon lol

Baby Blues

Normal. So, so normal. There were days I used to literally put my coat on and walk out the door the second DH came home. I wouldn't even say hi. I needed to leave. Sometimes I wondered if I should just walk into oncoming traffic. I honestly think I have PTSD from pregnancy/the newborn stage. I felt lied to. Like I was going to give birth and be in "bliss." I was in hell and I felt so alone because no one tells you that.

It DOES get better. I promise. But, you will never be the "old you" again. That can be hard to wrap your head around, but you'll get used to it. Really, you will.

So many hugs to you. We've all been there. It's HARD and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Baby Blues

So normal! Don't feel bad! I had PPD... bad. I too struggled to get pregnant. Once I got pregnant I was so excited. My world came crashing down when I found out I was having twins. So depressed I actually thought about having an abortion and I am so anti abortion it's not even funny. I eventually got used to the idea and was excited. So excited. Then they were born. I cried for 2 weeks straight around the clock. I hated them. Absolutely hated them. I as scary as this is understood why some mothers kill their kids... I thought about putting them up for adoption or leaving them at the hospital. It was bad. I miss my time along with DH too sometimes but then I come home and see my family and my life feels so perfect and complete. Definitely get a sitter and go out. If you are breastfeeding and not pumping much- formula never killed anyone! Make sure you get out, pack her up and head out, fresh air. I live like I did before go shopping etc- just toss them in and go. It gets easier and better. I promise. Some days you have to do you and get out. It's normal and don't feel guilty. I take a day off every now and then and it truly makes me a better mom. When I was on leave I booked myself a spa day, turned off my phone and DH stayed with them. Now I take time when I can and just have me time, and there's nothing wrong with getting alone time! Your sanity is more important, remember if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your baby!

Message edited 5/30/2017 10:46:08 PM.

Baby Blues

I felt the same way when my 1st was born. It's a huge adjustment going from just you and dh to having a newborn to take care of around the clock, especially one with colic, like my dd had. I was beyond exhausted and pretty much had to hold her for like 2 months straight, taking turns with my dh when he was available. I remember crying a lot and wondering if I made the right decision to have a baby. BUT after about maybe 2 months or so, things got a lot better. All of a sudden she was looking around, interacting with me a little, smiling. It made it all feel worth it. She slowly started to cry less, and smile and sleep more. Once I stopped feeling so sleep deprived and started being able to really enjoy and have fun with dd, the blues went away and I couldn't even try to imagine my life without her. Just hang in there, and try to take care of yourself as best as you possibly can. Grab a nap whenever you can, because sleep makes such a huge difference in your outlook. And try to enjoy these moments, as hard as they may be. Because before you know it, your dd will be over her colic, and sleeping better, and you'll have time with your dh again ( not as much as you did pre-baby, but there will be time for each other, and more and more as your dd gets older). And before you know it, this little person who pretty much just cries all the time will bring so much joy and love into your life.

Re: Baby Blues

Hang in there mama

Echoing everyone above, this stage is so hard but you get through it. Don't be shy in asking for help. Someone above suggested having a block where your DH takes over - this worked for me too. Making sure you can get some rest will help immensely.

Re: Baby Blues

Totally normal and Ok to feel how you are feeling. You are not alone in this. I just had DD#2, 5 month ago, took us 3 years with treatments and all you name it. My DD#1 is 6 so we got so used to the 3 of us and her being so independent so with a newborn it was a HUGE adjustment and starting all over again. I also felt guilty because all my time was with the baby. Now that she is out of the newborn stage it is so much better we are able to go out and enjoy life!.

If you have help don't turn it away go out and enjoy a date night with hubby, don't feel guilty about leaving the baby, even if its going to target!
Another thing is GO OUT, a big contributor was being trapped at home now that its nice go for walks, takes showers and do your hair ...trust me it will make you feel better.

Hang in there mama!