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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Any suggestions?
As some of you may know, my younger brother is completely out of control since my dad left...
Drugs, drinking, stays out late, and is just a beast. (he is 16)The cops have paid quite a few visits to the house, in the past couple of months!
Right before I left.... a cop showed up at the front door @ 7am...my mom answered, and told the cop my brother was still asleep... the cop asked if he could go up to my brothers room and wake him up...and my mom said ok...
Well...apparently there is some drug dealing run away...and my brother knows where he is... so I guess they're just trying to get as much info as possible outta him...
When the officer was done questioning my brother...him and my mom spoke... my mom explained whats was going on, and the officer explained to my mom that he's been watching this group of friends from afar (I guess trying to find all out that he can) and told my mom...
a) my brother is messing with alot worse than pot
b) my brother is the ring leader....
My mom was kinda thrown off... because "hey if your watching from afar and witness that hes into more than pot....why the he!! arent ya doing anything about it?"
A few nights later... my mom gets up @ 2am... she goes to the kitchen to get a drink...and finds my brother, tripping out on the couch, hallucinating...the whole shabang.... she decides to go to his room... to see if she can find anything...well what she found was 5 other people in his room...all doped up on whatever....
(these people werent there @ midnight when she went to bed)
So there is no reasoning with these kids.... she calls the police....When the cop got there, he said..."these kids have rights too, there is nothing I can do...call there parents and have them pick them up" What I just dont undertand these kids were cleary under the influence of DRUGS!
My mom said...my brother dosent deny the things he does, and is just simply outta control... She finds herfelf not going to bed at night... just to stay up, and monitor him...I mean shes found thses these kids are high,and then throwing matches at eachother in er home...
she follows him best she can when he goes out... but that can only go so far...
When she tries and tells him no...he gets really violent....and just takes off anyway
These kids have rights- yes... BUT I didnt know there right was to break the law and do drugs?????
Anyone know any drug rehabs, military boot camps or any behavioral type programs???
Message edited 3/6/2006 8:31:06 AM.
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Posted 3/6/06 8:28 AM  |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Any suggestions?
Tell your mom to check out the Phoenix House. It's a year-long drug rehab that my 18 yr. old cousin just got out of. She was hardcore into drugs and didn't think she had a problem when my aunt put her in there last year. She has come such a LOOOOOONG way! She graduated high school while there, got herself cleaned up, dealt with a lot of her issues, etc. And I know it's paid for on a sliding scale based on your health insurance and your income, so it's affordable. Also, your mom should contact a social worker at your brother's school and ask for help. And as much as it might be hard for her, the more she can catch him in the act of doing this stuff, the more she needs to call the cops because she will then have documented proof if she ever needs to take him to court for a drug placement. Hang in there. I know first hand from my family how hard this kind of thing is.
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:34 AM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Any suggestions?
couldn't she say those kids were trespassing? she didn't invite them.
I would think if drugs were in the house, the cops would come....sad to know that is false.
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:38 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Any suggestions?
Also, if these kids are under 18, you can call the police and say they refuse to leave your house and you have reason to believe they are runaways. I had to do this with one of my cousin's friends and it worked. The girl wouldn't give me her name and she wouldn't leave my aunt's house (I was staying with ym cousins for a couple of weeks at the time). The cops came and got her name out of her and called her parents. Then the police took her home, but they also filled out a report stating that they were called to the house. That's the type of documentation that your mom needs.
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:40 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Any suggestions?
The cops may think they are doing her a favor. If they arrest him, and he is dealing, that would mean several years in jail. As much as she wants him cleaned up, jail is an absolutely awful place and he would never be the same. One of DH's friends got put in jail that young, was beat up and raped in jail all the time...
As much as I see your point, I don't think the cops can spend all their time going to the homes of every teenager who is drunk or doing drugs.
I would contact the school social worker, and it may boil down to tough love. Changing the locks and not letting him in if she feels he and his friends are a danger to her and her home.
Message edited 3/6/2006 9:43:52 AM.
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:42 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any suggestions?
It sounds like putting him into rehab is the only solution. I can't imagine what it would take for me to do this to my son but I'd rather see him alive & in rehab than in jail or worse.
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:54 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any suggestions?
He's too old for a PINS petition, I believe. Have your mom go talk to the school psychologist or social worker. They might have some suggestions or resources that your mom isn't aware of. As hard as it might be, your mom may have to eventually press charges against your brother if he does something illegal. Maybe the intervention of a judge would help. Also, she could have him committed to a hospital and they will do a 72 hour watch if she catches him hallucinating or completely high again. She just has to call the ambulance.
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| Posted 3/6/06 10:17 AM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Any suggestions?
Posted by shamrock12472
He's too old for a PINS petition, I believe. Have your mom go talk to the school psychologist or social worker. They might have some suggestions or resources that your mom isn't aware of. As hard as it might be, your mom may have to eventually press charges against your brother if he does something illegal. Maybe the intervention of a judge would help. Also, she could have him committed to a hospital and they will do a 72 hour watch if she catches him hallucinating or completely high again. She just has to call the ambulance.
Now the officer told my mom... there is no more pins... but when DH looked into it... he found that there was....and 16 was not too old...so I dunno..
My BIL is a counselor for behavorial teens in MD... so I talked to him... he told my mom to file a ECP (?) I dont remember what it stands for... BUT basically say he's hallucinated, bizarre behavior, and she has reason to believe he can harm himself (esp since she caught him and his friends throwing matches at eachother) Supposedly... you call the police...say you wanna file... the come and take him to the hospital in cuffs...where they do a drug screening and psysh analysis....
At least she'll have proof he's on drugs, and know whats going on... When I tried to look into this for my mom, I couldnt find it, my BIL said each state called it something different... but how could we figure out what its called here???
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| Posted 3/6/06 11:44 AM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Any suggestions?
Rach- the drug rehab sounds ideal... BUT how does she get him to GO.....
Tough love also sounds like an option...a difficult one.. but an option... but how the hell does she throw him out w/o getting CPS called on her???
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| Posted 3/6/06 11:45 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any suggestions?
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by shamrock12472
He's too old for a PINS petition, I believe. Have your mom go talk to the school psychologist or social worker. They might have some suggestions or resources that your mom isn't aware of. As hard as it might be, your mom may have to eventually press charges against your brother if he does something illegal. Maybe the intervention of a judge would help. Also, she could have him committed to a hospital and they will do a 72 hour watch if she catches him hallucinating or completely high again. She just has to call the ambulance.
Now the officer told my mom... there is no more pins... but when DH looked into it... he found that there was....and 16 was not too old...so I dunno..
My BIL is a counselor for behavorial teens in MD... so I talked to him... he told my mom to file a ECP (?) I dont remember what it stands for... BUT basically say he's hallucinated, bizarre behavior, and she has reason to believe he can harm himself (esp since she caught him and his friends throwing matches at eachother) Supposedly... you call the police...say you wanna file... the come and take him to the hospital in cuffs...where they do a drug screening and psysh analysis....
At least she'll have proof he's on drugs, and know whats going on... When I tried to look into this for my mom, I couldnt find it, my BIL said each state called it something different... but how could we figure out what its called here???
Call family court, a court clerk will be able to help you with what you are looking for.
I hope things start working out for your mom...
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| Posted 3/6/06 11:47 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any suggestions?
Posted by Princessmaris
Rach- the drug rehab sounds ideal... BUT how does she get him to GO.....
Tough love also sounds like an option...a difficult one.. but an option... but how the hell does she throw him out w/o getting CPS called on her???
She can't force him into rehab, unfortunately. If you can get him arrested, I know, that sounds horrible, he may get mandated by the court. If she's afraid of him, she might be able to file for a restraining order and then the court might force him to go.
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| Posted 3/6/06 11:49 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Any suggestions?
Sweetie, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that things are turning out this way.
Does your Dad know anything about what's going on?
Your family does NOT deserve this right now.
Many s and  s for your Dad's safe return and for the safety of your Mom and brother 
eta: the saddest part is that underneath it all, he's just a scared little boy. Its tough at ANY age to have a parent overseas...but 16 is such an influential age for a boy. I really feel for you guys. 
Message edited 3/6/2006 12:02:51 PM.
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| Posted 3/6/06 12:00 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Any suggestions?
I'm sorry, I don't have any suggestions Marissa. I just wanted to offer lots of
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| Posted 3/6/06 12:42 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Any suggestions?
Posted by Princessmaris
Rach- the drug rehab sounds ideal... BUT how does she get him to GO.....
Tough love also sounds like an option...a difficult one.. but an option... but how the hell does she throw him out w/o getting CPS called on her???
Once my aunt got her a bed in the house, she put my cousin in the back seat of her car with the child safety locks on (she picked her up from school). Told her they were taking a ride and dropped her off. They didn't tell her it was a year-long program until they were there. You do what you have to do to save your child. Your mom really needs to find someone to advise her on this. She may need to contact a social worker who deals with teens who abuse drugs or call a program like DAYTOP to ask what her next step should be.
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| Posted 3/6/06 2:34 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Any suggestions?
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by Princessmaris
Rach- the drug rehab sounds ideal... BUT how does she get him to GO.....
Tough love also sounds like an option...a difficult one.. but an option... but how the hell does she throw him out w/o getting CPS called on her???
Once my aunt got her a bed in the house, she put my cousin in the back seat of her car with the child safety locks on (she picked her up from school). Told her they were taking a ride and dropped her off. They didn't tell her it was a year-long program until they were there. You do what you have to do to save your child. Your mom really needs to find someone to advise her on this. She may need to contact a social worker who deals with teens who abuse drugs or call a program like DAYTOP to ask what her next step should be.
See my mom scared that if she gets him in the car, and he dosent know whats going on...he'll flip...grab the wheel, hurt her etc...
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| Posted 3/6/06 3:00 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22150 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any suggestions?
Posted by shamrock12472
Posted by Princessmaris
Rach- the drug rehab sounds ideal... BUT how does she get him to GO.....
Tough love also sounds like an option...a difficult one.. but an option... but how the hell does she throw him out w/o getting CPS called on her???
She can't force him into rehab, unfortunately. If you can get him arrested, I know, that sounds horrible, he may get mandated by the court. If she's afraid of him, she might be able to file for a restraining order and then the court might force him to go.
I was just going to say this. We've been having some issues with a close family member and this is sadly the only way. You can't force them, it must be by choice and often, they can leave whenever they'd like. 
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| Posted 3/6/06 7:51 PM |
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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
Name:
~Jess~
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Re: Any suggestions?
Princessmaris--
I have no suggestions but wanted to say that you and your family are in my prayers. My brother just turned 18 and is getting better but there is still such a long road ahead. He was a drug dealer, took drugs himself, suffered horribly at school, and we were scared that he could turn physical on us. We finally decided to do family counseling and he's doing much better now. He was actually diagnosed with having a chemical imbalance so with now aking medicine, he;s turning his life around.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to FM me.
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| Posted 3/6/06 8:04 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Any suggestions?
I actually know this is not true. You absolutely CAN make a teenager under 18 go to rehab against their will. My cousin had to be tricked into going. If they are a minor, the parents can absolutely get them there without their consent and if not, a judge can force them to. So there IS hope. It's not going to be easy, but you CAN make them go. I worked in a school full of these kids, and NONE of them were there by choice.
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| Posted 3/6/06 8:15 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Any suggestions?
My brother went through something like this when he was in high school. he was out of control and my parents had no idea how bad it was.....luckily, he realized how crazy and terrible it was getting and he asked to go into rehab.....so they checked him into a day program and it helped a lot.
my brother is now just finishing up his 10th year in the Marines and is engaged to be married.
i don't know what the answer for your brother it...but there is hope. this can be turned around and he's still young enough!
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| Posted 3/6/06 8:26 PM |
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meganNbobby
Our Family is Complete
Member since 5/05 2774 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: Any suggestions?
marssa,
my best friend is coming over tommorow night and she is a social worker, i will ask her if she knows the name of that file your mom can report with the plice so they can take him to the hospital by the police.
i'm so srry your family has to go through this...
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| Posted 3/6/06 8:44 PM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any suggestions?
i am so sorry that your family is going through this. i think rehap is a great suggestion. i also think that your mom should see a therapist or join a support group.
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| Posted 3/6/06 8:53 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Any suggestions?
Well my mom is already in therapy.... She herself has been suffering with depression for over a year now... (however has made a HUGE improvement in the past 6 months  )
Rach- I told my mom about Phoenix house...shes gonna try and get some info... Some of her concerns were... How much and what kinda drugs have to be in his system for them to hold him there??? Shes just worried they'll shrugg it off (the way the police often has) to just stupid teenage stuff!
Also- I know you are correct in she absolutely can make him go since he's a minor... its the physically driving him there that shes struggling with... As I said before... shes scared that he'll flip and do something crazy!
Thanks girls for all the support! Its def. been rough...I esp. feel bad for my mom, because shes trying so hard to get better for herself... I dont want my brother messing up her progress!
I thought of taking him for some while... (just to give her a break) I figured if I physically drive him back and forth to school (since I dont live in the area) Ill at least know that he went (although that dosent mean he went to class) and I also figured, my home being a ways away from his friends, he would be least likely to see them (since none of them drive and they get everywhere by foot) which means least likely to do the things he does...
However- Sadly I dont trust him...and am a little fearful he'll snap one night...with RJ in the house... I just cant do it...
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:18 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Any suggestions?
HUGS
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:18 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Any suggestions?
marissa, you def do NOT want your son to be around someone who could possibly become violent.  i applaud you for trying to help your brother though. you're a good sister.
i hope everything works out!!
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| Posted 3/6/06 9:22 PM |
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