Another Joke - for BabyCote

Menopause Jewelry



My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,

bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be

able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it

turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a

big f*cking red mark on his forehead.



Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb a**.

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

of ALL DAYS
I needed that ring for DH today

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

more more more!!

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

OMG - my mom's CONSTANT email forwards have never been so popular!!! I'm going to look through deleted emails!

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Thought for the day

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it.
Piss on it and walk away.

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Idle Thoughts of a Wandering Mind
~~~
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
~~~
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
~~~
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
~~~
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
~~~
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
~~~
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
~~~
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
~~~
Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.
~~~
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
~~~
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
~~~
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
~~~
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
~~~
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
~~~
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
~~~
How can there be self-help "groups"?
~~~
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
~~~
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
~~~
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no
secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe
box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to
open or ask her about.




For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
totaling $95,000.


He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she
said, " my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.

She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?"




"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."


A Prayer.......

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

Never Argue with a Woman!
>
>
> One morning the husband returns after several hours
> of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not
> familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the
> boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and
> reads her book.
>
>
> Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up
> alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.
> What are you doing?"
>
>
> "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't
> that obvious?")
>
>
> "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs
> her.
>
>
> "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm
> reading."
>
> "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
> you could start any moment. I'll have to take you in and
> write you up."
>
>
> "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
> assault,"says the woman.
>
>
> "But I haven't even touched you," says the game
> warden.
>
> "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For
> all I know you could start at any moment."
>
>
> "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
>
> MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
> It's likely she can also think!

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

x 2!

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

I'm more than happy to put you on my mom's email rotation list - I get these things on a daily basis - a lot of them I just delete without even reading

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote

it's just tonight that I needed these. It's been a long day

thanks!

Re: Another Joke - for BabyCote