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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
a little background to the story: last month my mother took a vacation with her friends to niagra falls and into canada. she is presently looking into going to miami for thanksgiving. oh, she recently sold her car because she was given a newer one (i don't know who, how, or why... and i don't want to know)
so, last weekend, i went to my mother's. while i was there, she colored my hair. she was washing the equipment, when she mentioned how money was tight. she said that she had a bill due ($200) immediately. somehow, she snuck in asking me to lend her the money.
our relationship is a text-book dysfunctional one, but i'm trying to be nice and keep my distance. i told her that my roommate was a little late in the rent and that when i had it i would lend it to her (i had $8.33 in my checking account).
she said, "well, just give it me from all the money you're saving."
i didn't want it to become a fight, becaue the morning was going so well. so i pretended i didn't hear her... running water, and all.
i just couldn't believe that she would expect this from me just a half hour after she gave me and tommy the trinkets she bought us on her trip to canada.
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Posted 8/13/09 10:40 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
I would not give her the money.
But I would make a point to tell her that she really should look into her expense patterns and not spend money she does not have (apparently!) on souvenirs for you and DS. I would say that the thought was nice but in the future not to put herself in a situation where she needs to ask for money after doing such purchases.
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| Posted 8/13/09 10:44 AM |
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irishbaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/08 582 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Ahhhh the Grift... as I like to call it when my Mother starts in.
Yeah - easier said then done, but I wouldn't give her a red cent. Tell you are short yourself and need XYZ for DC.
And do not feel guilty, she needs to stand on her own two feet and be a grown up. If that means not going on vacay because she can't affford it then so be it.
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| Posted 8/13/09 10:51 AM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Posted by irishbaby
Yeah - easier said then done, but I wouldn't give her a red cent. Tell you are short yourself and need XYZ for DC.
Agreed. And stop mentioning how well you're doing with your savings plan.
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| Posted 8/13/09 10:54 AM |
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CellarDweller
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 1562 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
I agree – do not give her a thing.
Just because you have been successful in changing your spending and have been able to accumulate savings does not mean you’re obligated to lend money to people who choose not to save.
From what I’ve read, you’ve worked hard to get your finances in order (actually, it was your post about some of your success that inspired me to get the Total Money Makeover and start it myself!). Don’t let someone else’s bad behavior ruin that for you.
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:02 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
You're enabling her manipulative behavior if you give her any money right now. I wouldn't give her a dime.
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:07 AM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Posted by Jenn627
Posted by irishbaby
Yeah - easier said then done, but I wouldn't give her a red cent. Tell you are short yourself and need XYZ for DC.
Agreed. And stop mentioning how well you're doing with your savings plan.
I cant stress how important this is.
In my experience with my mother, the less she knows, the better.
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:13 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Posted by Kara
You're enabling her manipulative behavior if you give her any money right now. I wouldn't give her a dime.
ITA. I know she's your mom but that's not "mom" behavior in my book. If she sold her car & took a trip, she should have money.
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:26 AM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Posted by Jenn627
Posted by irishbaby
Yeah - easier said then done, but I wouldn't give her a red cent. Tell you are short yourself and need XYZ for DC.
Agreed. And stop mentioning how well you're doing with your savings plan.
agreed a thousand times over!
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:36 AM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
**head bowed down and kicking the dirt**
i promise not to mention my finances to my mother who seems to want a free ride off of my hard work.
lesson learned.
i love this place when you guys dish the tough love  i love you guys
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:49 AM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Agreed. And she might question you about your finances if you don't talk to her about it. What usually works for me is "The only person I talk about finances with is my husband."
She can only take advantage of you if you let her. 
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| Posted 8/13/09 11:55 AM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Money and families RARELY mix well
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| Posted 8/13/09 1:44 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post
Posted by libby2595
**head bowed down and kicking the dirt**
i promise not to mention my finances to my mother who seems to want a free ride off of my hard work.
lesson learned.
i love this place when you guys dish the tough love i love you guys
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| Posted 8/13/09 3:50 PM |
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