And the other reason I hate my new job.... advice please

I work at a lawfirm with about 14 attorneys- 6 of whcih are partners in their 40's-60's. The associates range in age from 26-34.

So when I started working at my firm, there was a young, single, female attorney working with us. My first day she sat me down, told me what it was like, invited me to lunch- and she really made me feel welcome. She told me all the associate attorneys eat lunch together every day at the same time. She always brought her lunch, so she wouldn't go out with everyone when they would buy lunch- but since they always ate at the same time, she would just join them. About a month after I started, she left.

Well since then I am one of two female attorneys- and the other one is in her 50's and a partner. I am also the only married female attorney and the only mother.

Well not ONCE since I started has anyone gotten me when they go out and get lunch. I have told them I rarely bring lunch so when they all go out to buy lunch together to let me know. Well they never have. They also never tell me when they are eating- and its not always at the same time anymore= so I have to keep walking by the conference room to see if they are eating.

To make matters worse, my office is at the other end of the floor, right by the partners- and is separated by 2 empty offices from all the other associates. So its not like I am even around when they are making plans.

What would you do? Should I just give up? Should I just accept that I am not making any friends here and I shouldn't force myself upon these people, cause frankly, that is how I feel. Or should I keep joining them when I see them eating. I am not made to feel unwelcome once I am there- I am just not invited in the first place.

I swear, its the BS of jr. high all over again

Re: And the other reason I hate my new job.... advice please

First, here are some

Being the new person can really be tough. And I HATE to say this, but I don't think men are as tuned into inviting the new person to lunch or making the new person fit in as women are. I'm sure that they don't mean to exclude you on purpose.

I think that friendships (including work "friendships) can sometimes take time to build. I would make it a point to try to become friendly with the associates, other than lunch. If there is one that you feel most comfortable with, if you have to pass by their office (even though I know you are far away!) just stop by for a minute or 2 and make small talk. Or if you have a case with one of them, try to make some small talk. Hopefully, then it will become more natural that they invite you to lunch. Also, maybe if you don't have lunch with them for a few days, they will notice and finally remember to tell you when they are grabbing lunch!

I am sure things will be better soon

Message edited 8/2/2007 7:14:51 PM.

Re: And the other reason I hate my new job.... advice please

I would just join them when you see them eating. it may not dawn on them to get you.

if you look at it from their perspective, maybe they think it would be silly to stop by to get you or something.

I say go and plop yourself down when they are in there... networking is important.

Re: And the other reason I hate my new job.... advice please

It's hard being the newbie - as much as I love my new job, it was definitely a transition for the first 3 months, and I felt so alienated. I didn't quite know how to approach them, they didn't quite know how to approach me.

I agree with the others - start with small talk - it makes all the difference in the world. Even if it's just 5 minutes a day, make a point to stop in the office of the ones you like best, and chat it up - find something in common.

After a couple of weeks of chatting, pick the one you like best, and stop by, maybe around 11am, and ask, hey, what's going on for lunch? You have to remember - men are clueless - they don't have the mental stamina to play high school games, it's more of what we, as women, interpret, and I'll tell ya, just like hubby responds by saying "you give me to much credit" when I ask him what he's thinking, the same goes for these guys.

So, unfortunately, for you, in an environment of men, you have to be a touch more proactive.

Hang in there