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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Am I overreacting?
Here's the scenario. DS didn't take a shower in a few days, so I told DH, who gets home from work 2.5 hours before me, to make sure DS takes a shower. I get home at 7:30 and we sit down to eat and I ask if he took a shower. DH says no, he was doing his homework. Which wasn't completely true. His homework was done before DH even got home, all he had left was 30 minutes of reading. So I'm not exactly sure where those other two hours went.
We finish dinner and DH and DS go watch the Rangers game while I clean up and do the dishes. I finish in the kitchen and ask DS to go take a shower. He starts whining that he's watching the game, as any kid would. I told him it was already his bedtime and I needed him to take a shower. DH says, come on it's the playoffs, he'll take a shower after the period.
I stormed out of the room. I think it was super disrespectful for DH to undermine me like that. This is not the first time he's done stuff like this. If he doesn't think something is a big deal, he never backs me up. He gets to look like the hero and my boys learn they don't have to listen to what mom says.
He thinks I'm completely overacting. In his mind the bottom line was DS took a shower so it shouldn't matter that he didn't do it when I told him to. DH also et him stay up until the end of the game, which is not something I would have allowed.
What say you?
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Posted 4/21/15 8:00 AM  |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Am I overreacting?
It's the big picture here for me. You have to be on the same team or the boys will learn how to play you against each other. It's bigger than just the shower. I always yell at dh that he doesn't get to just be the fun parent and I get the bad cop stuff.
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:12 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Am I overreacting?
I would have been mad too. My dd is only 2, but she already picks up on when dh tells me to let her do something I don't want her to do, and it drives me crazy.
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:17 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:19 AM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by nycgirl
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:33 AM |
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Jenn79
One more?
Member since 2/12 2410 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Totally not overreacting! I just had a huge convo with dh about this too. My dd is only 2 1/2, but she realized that she got whatever she wanted if she went to daddy after mommy says no! Drove me crazy! She even went so far to tell me she doesn't love me just so dh would put her to bed (bc I have rules for bedtime so she goes to bed at a decent hour!) dh will do what she wants and it will be 930 by the time she's finally sleeping. Dh is finally realizing it though and got much better at backing me up.
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:39 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Am I overreacting?
In my house that would have been overreacting but I have given up on fighting over stuff like that. If DS doesn't get a bath at night we will just have him jump in the shower in the AM. If that means DS has to get a up a few minutes early then so be it.
I just can't sweat the small stuff.
Also, I don't agree with you have to be a team or the ids will learn how to play you. They will learn that NO MATTER WHAT. Believe me. My DS is 3 and he already does.
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:53 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by alli3131
In my house that would have been overreacting but I have given up on fighting over stuff like that. If DS doesn't get a bath at night we will just have him jump in the shower in the AM. If that means DS has to get a up a few minutes early then so be it.
I just can't sweat the small stuff.
Also, I don't agree with you have to be a team or the ids will learn how to play you. They will learn that NO MATTER WHAT. Believe me. My DS is 3 and he already does.
See, I disagree with you. This isn't "small stuff" because it's NOT about a shower. It's about setting a precedent as parents and showing your kids that you're BOTH on the same page. As parents, it's VERY important that you present a united front, ESPECIALLY as kids get older.
Your son is way too little to even understand how to manipulate and try to pit you against your DH to try and get his way...........but he will. ALL kids do. I already see it with my 6 yr old DD. When DH or I tell her no or that she can't have something she immediately runs to the other one trying to see what she can get away with. She also will try to tell DH he's not the boss and mommy is in charge so she can get her way BUT we always remind her that DH and I are ALWAYS on the same page and whatever one of us says the other will back up. That's just how we handle things, we try to never undermine one another in front of the kids. I think it sends a very bad message.
OP - You weren't overreacting. The fact is, it's not just about a shower, it's about your DH undermining your authority with your kids. If you say it's time to turn off the tv and get showered your DH should have backed you up and encouraged your DS to get into the shower RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Period. What he's teaching your DS (unintentionally) is that it's okay to get your way and do what you want no matter what Mommy tells you. And don't be surprised if the next time you tell him to do something he doesn't run to Daddy to try and get out of it. Your DH was wrong and was sending the wrong message to your son.
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| Posted 4/21/15 9:10 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Am I overreacting?
You are not overreacting. I 100% agree with you about the message he is sending your son.
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| Posted 4/21/15 9:19 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Am I overreacting?
You are not over reacting. This is about being on the same team. While it might seem like a small issue, he is teaching your son to disregard you and that is not ok. Edit to say I am a huge hockey fan. I would have turned off the game. That is how big of a big picture issue this is for me.
Message edited 4/21/2015 9:41:38 AM.
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| Posted 4/21/15 9:40 AM |
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Pomegranate5
You are not overreacting. I 100% agree with you about the message he is sending your son.
Agreed. I hate it when dh doesn't side with me.
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| Posted 4/21/15 10:10 AM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Am I overreacting?
It's not overacting however I would let something like this slide. In the end watching the playoffs with dad is more important than a shower. These type of things don't happen all the time and it's making a memory.
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| Posted 4/21/15 11:18 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7634 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by MrsG823
Posted by nycgirl
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
I would have said they can't watch the game til DS gets a shower. At this point, the rule in our house is no relaxing (aka TV) until all chores are done (cleaning up after dinner, getting DS ready for bed).
Message edited 4/21/2015 11:49:22 AM.
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| Posted 4/21/15 11:47 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by alli3131
In my house that would have been overreacting but I have given up on fighting over stuff like that. If DS doesn't get a bath at night we will just have him jump in the shower in the AM. If that means DS has to get a up a few minutes early then so be it.
I just can't sweat the small stuff.
Also, I don't agree with you have to be a team or the ids will learn how to play you. They will learn that NO MATTER WHAT. Believe me. My DS is 3 and he already does.
See, I disagree with you. This isn't "small stuff" because it's NOT about a shower. It's about setting a precedent as parents and showing your kids that you're BOTH on the same page. As parents, it's VERY important that you present a united front, ESPECIALLY as kids get older.
Your son is way too little to even understand how to manipulate and try to pit you against your DH to try and get his way...........but he will. ALL kids do. I already see it with my 6 yr old DD. When DH or I tell her no or that she can't have something she immediately runs to the other one trying to see what she can get away with. She also will try to tell DH he's not the boss and mommy is in charge so she can get her way BUT we always remind her that DH and I are ALWAYS on the same page and whatever one of us says the other will back up. That's just how we handle things, we try to never undermine one another in front of the kids. I think it sends a very bad message.
OP - You weren't overreacting. The fact is, it's not just about a shower, it's about your DH undermining your authority with your kids. If you say it's time to turn off the tv and get showered your DH should have backed you up and encouraged your DS to get into the shower RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Period. What he's teaching your DS (unintentionally) is that it's okay to get your way and do what you want no matter what Mommy tells you. And don't be surprised if the next time you tell him to do something he doesn't run to Daddy to try and get out of it. Your DH was wrong and was sending the wrong message to your son.
believe me a 3 year old isn't too young to manipulate. It's just over a toy or candy that one parent says no too. He then goes to the other.
And like I said to us a shower wasn't a big deal and we do have a United front but to stomp off etc would be over reacting in my home. But we each run out homes and react as we do. I never said OP was wrong it just would have played out differently in my home.
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| Posted 4/21/15 12:04 PM |
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by mnmsoinlove
It's not overacting however I would let something like this slide. In the end watching the playoffs with dad is more important than a shower. These type of things don't happen all the time and it's making a memory.
ITA.
If this is that important, what dh would allow you to turn off the tv? Put yourself in their shoes for something that is very important to you. Would you want your dh to do that to you?
As long as they take the shower, I would let it go. As long as it doesnt turn into a regular thing, I would just speak to my dh after the fact and let him know why you were mad about it.
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| Posted 4/21/15 12:49 PM |
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by nycgirl
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
Your dh would agree to that? Would you like him to do that to you?
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| Posted 4/21/15 12:51 PM |
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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by nycgirl
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
Your dh would agree to that? Would you like him to do that to you?
That would have caused a huge blow out in my house. I can't treat my DH like a child.
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| Posted 4/21/15 1:03 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Am I overreacting?
You didn't overreact. But I have zero patience for any man (or woman) that doesn't take care of their kids, or put their needs first.
He had 2 HOURS to bathe their son and chose not to do it. It wasn't shower or playoff game, he had ample time to do both. He just decided to be lazy.
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| Posted 4/21/15 1:08 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Katareen
You didn't overreact. But I have zero patience for any man (or woman) that doesn't take care of their kids, or put their needs first.
He had 2 HOURS to bathe their son and chose not to do it. It wasn't shower or playoff game, he had ample time to do both. He just decided to be lazy.
ITA with you!!
I didn't get the sense that it was SO important to him that his son watch the game, it was just EASIER to let him stay up then stop what HE wanted to do and shower the kid.
$hit like that doesn't fly with me either. Neither DH or I get to just sit and relax at night until the kids are all taken care of and in bed for the night. It's just the way it goes, we have responsibilities that need to come BEFORE all the things we want to do for ourselves.
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| Posted 4/21/15 1:12 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Katareen
You didn't overreact. But I have zero patience for any man (or woman) that doesn't take care of their kids, or put their needs first.
He had 2 HOURS to bathe their son and chose not to do it. It wasn't shower or playoff game, he had ample time to do both. He just decided to be lazy.
This is a big part of it. The shower should have been done before I even got home. My ds is 8 years old and capable of washing himself, all DH needed to do was make sure he did it. But that didn't happen. And then he undermined me to top it all off. I'm glad most people don't think I overreacted. Because I'm still annoyed about it today.
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| Posted 4/21/15 1:37 PM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Not overreacting. It was 7:30 (which is late), that alone would have set me off. Plus everyone was chilling while you were doing dishes, I would have been annoyed too. Since dH gets home earlier than you, talk to him about what needs to be done before you get home. Talk about the things that benefit your DS. Like needing a set bedtime, DS is a little older and wouldn't be good to send him to school without showering for a few days. Good luck!
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| Posted 4/21/15 2:15 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by nycgirl
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
Bingo!
And DH and I would have had a talk about being on the same page.
sorry you had to deal with that!
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| Posted 4/21/15 3:15 PM |
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BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
It's the big picture here for me. You have to be on the same team or the boys will learn how to play you against each other. It's bigger than just the shower. I always yell at dh that he doesn't get to just be the fun parent and I get the bad cop stuff.
agree! I go through this all the time!
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| Posted 4/21/15 3:29 PM |
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by w8andsee
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by nycgirl
You are nicer than me.
I would have turned OFF the game for both of them & gotten my DH to give the kid a shower in the middle of the playoffs (actually the BEST time to do this so that next time, the kid gets a shower before you come home).
Your dh would agree to that? Would you like him to do that to you?
That would have caused a huge blow out in my house. I can't treat my DH like a child.
Yep my dh would never go for it either. He is not a child and yes, he made a mistake, it is not the end of the world.
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| Posted 4/21/15 6:41 PM |
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