Am I just being a B----?

Trying to get some perspective here...

If someone asks to take your child somewhere for the day would you expect that person to pick up/drop off your child or would you assume that it's on you?

So my mother & my ex-h always do this.. and they live pretty far/out of the way). They request to take my son but then act like i'm so ungrateful because I don't want to run all over the place to accomadate them. They say they are doing ME a favor but really, it would be so much easier for me to drop him off at camp & go to work like i normally would. Yes, it's nice they are taking him but it's not helping me at all!

Anyway, the general concensus (among the 2 most annoying ppl in my life!) is that i'm a complete b!tch. Are they right??

Re: Am I just being a B----?

I think they should since they made the plans but to avoid a confrontation I voted alternate drop off/pick up even if it's a little inconvenient. Only for your mom though not ex-husband.

Message edited 8/3/2015 2:18:54 PM.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

I would say maybe they should pick up in the morning, and then you swing by after work to take them home. Sort of split it up. Its silly of them to expect you to take the extra time before work to drop them off, but I don't think picking them up at the end of the day would be that big of a deal.

Am I just being a B----?

I guess it depends on the scenario. Like, they want you to drop them off at their home and pick him up? I can understand that. I guess I'm not really following what they are expecting you to do, is it more than just dropping him off and picking him up?

ETA: If it's just drop off/pick up, I would probably alternate. I don't think that I would call it them doing you a favor though, I would call it what it is, a day they want to spend with your DC.

Message edited 8/3/2015 2:20:33 PM.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

If you already have arrangements for him for that day (like camp, etc) and they are offering you a second option, I'd let them know that you'd love for him to be with them, but you can't arrange transportation. You appreciate them taking your son, but understand if it doesn't work out because of that. I don't see how it's doing you a favor if it's a big, unnecessary inconvenience for you! But maybe I'm a B**** too.

If they are offering to take him to do something amazing that he would LOVE to do, I'd suck it up for his sake and drive him.

ETA - I would probably do the pick up/drop offs once in a while, especially if DS really loves being with them, but not all the time.

Message edited 8/3/2015 2:23:33 PM.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Not at all.

If YOU asked them to watch your child and specifically ask if they could also drop/pick up that's one thing.

Doesn't sound like this is the case at all. How and why do they think they are doing you a favor?

Single mom who works FT? Carry on with what works for you!

Message edited 8/3/2015 2:21:58 PM.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Posted by Pomegranate5

If you already have arrangements for him for that day (like camp, etc) and they are offering you a second option, I'd let them know that you'd love for him to be with them, but you can't arrange transportation. You appreciate them taking your son, but understand if it doesn't work out because of that. I don't see how it's doing you a favor if it's a big, unnecessary inconvenience for you! But maybe I'm a B**** too.

If they are offering to take him to do something amazing that he would LOVE to do, I'd suck it up for his sake and drive him.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Posted by jessnbrian

Posted by Pomegranate5

If you already have arrangements for him for that day (like camp, etc) and they are offering you a second option, I'd let them know that you'd love for him to be with them, but you can't arrange transportation. You appreciate them taking your son, but understand if it doesn't work out because of that. I don't see how it's doing you a favor if it's a big, unnecessary inconvenience for you! But maybe I'm a B**** too.

If they are offering to take him to do something amazing that he would LOVE to do, I'd suck it up for his sake and drive him.

This word for word.

Am I just being a B----?

I don't think it needs to be one way or the other.

My situations are very specific - my ILs don't have a car and my dad doesn't have a car, so if my kids are going to spend time with either of those grandparents, we drop off and pick up. My mom does have a car so it can go either way - sometimes she picks them up and drops them off again, sometimes I drop off and pick up. It ultimately falls on me to be more accommodating since it usually IS a favor, but my mom can occasionally be reasonable if I say something is very inconvenient for me.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Posted by MarathonKnitter



THIS!!

but... i'm the single vote for you're a B... because it looked funny

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Message edited 8/3/2015 2:29:50 PM.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

It depends upon the situation. T me if my kid is in camp, they are going to camp. It is expensive and already paid for. If they want to do something with ds pick a different day. If it is an all day event sometimes I drive my kids to meet my parents there, or they come to pick the kids up. It really depends upon the activity. I would use the same logic for the ex too. But if you drove the child there I would 100% expect them to drive the child home for you. At the end of the day, single mom gets to do what works for her.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

If they are asking to take him somewhere then I would expect that they would be picking him up. On the other hand, if I was asking them to take him somewhere or babysit or whatever, then I would drive him there.

Am I just being a B----?

I think if you are asking them to do you a favor and watch him for the day then it would be on your to drop him off at their house but if they want to do something with your son (when you do not need it to happen) then they should be coming and picking him up!

Re: Am I just being a B----?

If you already have childcare arraanged, no one is doing you any favors.

And while it's VERY nice that your Mom or whomever wants to take your child for the day to spend time with them, again, it's not doing YOU a favor. My BIL does this all the time. I SO appreciate and LOVE the fact that he wants to spend time w/ my boys ......but for him to take them for the day or weekend or whatever totally disrupts our normal 'down pat' routine -
So, while I'm grateful to him for spending his free time w/ my kids, he's not really helping me if it's just a regular day, it's usually more of an inconvenience for me to accommodate ...

While I DO think, you should try to accomodate them once in awhile so they can spend that time with your kid, and deal with the inconvenience on your end to drop off/pick up whatever - I don't think they should act as if they are doing you a favor.

Next time they offer, if it's a major PITA for you, just tell them, it's not a good day today.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Lets put this into perspective:

If my brother asked me to babysit his kid at MY house I would expect my brother to drop off and pick up.

If I called him and said I wanted to take said kid to the zoo tomorrow I would EXPECT that *I* am going to his house to pick up, take to zoo and DROP OFF.

No. You are NOT a B.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

I would drop him at camp as usual. This is not a favor if it makes your life more difficult.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Thanks for the opinions (& most are on my side so thank you for that! ) but this is what i deal with all the time...

It's not like they don't spend any time with him. My mom watches him every saturday so i can do some overtime & for that, i ALWAYS pick him up from her house. His dad picks him up from school 1 or 2 days a week but he throws a f^%#$@ temper tantrum if i don't bend over backwards for him.

I don't need their "favors" ugh

Thanks though... i really was prepared for mean responses lol

Re: Am I just being a B----?

Posted by skew

I think they should since they made the plans but to avoid a confrontation I voted alternate drop off/pick up even if it's a little inconvenient. Only for your mom though not ex-husband.

Am I just being a B----?

Totally NOT being a B. Its your childs father, so its NOT doing you a favor. Tell them if they would like to spend time with him during the week, then they will need to pick up and drop off for now on. If they can't then you are more than happy to drop him off at camp.

Re: Am I just being a B----?

I would pick up/drop off or do anything if it meant someone taking my kid for the day lol

If it's once a week I would suck it up and make them happy