Am I being unreasonable?

Message edited 10/25/2012 5:36:31 PM.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Honestly... yes I think you're being unreasonble.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Bearcat

Honestly... yes I think you're being unreasonble.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I think a lot of men, especially older generations, aren't that comfortable around babies. I could see my dad doing something like this and I would know not to be at all insulted. He still barely holds DD and she's 18 months. He's very nervous with babies/small kids. If he had to change her diaper for some reason I think he'd lose it. So FIL coming a month after the babies arrive wouldn't phase me. He IS coming, obviously he cares. I think in many cases women get much more involved and excited about the birth of babies. Many men seem to just feel out of place and useless.

I would be more annoyed with the other situation mentioned. That sounds like something that could be better worked out but it's out of your hands.

Am I being unreasonable?

i think its unreasonable to think that they should both be there.
They both have obligations as well that they need to attend to, whether you may like the way they are being handled, or not. That, like you sid, is a different post. However, they both live abroad and its not that easy to just drop your life there and come here for however long of a trip. They might miss the birth, that's ok - they will have the rest of their lives to spend time with your children. Take the time they are not there to recooperate from the csection so that you feel great by the time they come. You'll also have learned a bit more about your twins by then and how they like things done so that when they do arrive, youwill be better able to let them know how to help you do things for them.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I really don't know....Your MIL seems like she is planning to be there before the birth. She would probably come on a moments notice if they come earlier than the Csection date. As for your FIL, I honestly don't know.

My parents live in Alaska and I'm hoping they are able to be here for the birth but I'm not going to be upset if it doesn't happen. My mom has her own issues and if there is a way they will be here. I just hope my dad can take some time off and be able to stay longer then the normal week.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Message edited 10/25/2012 5:36:45 PM.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

i understand why you want them both there, but i think it is not necessary and i understand why he would say he would wait. MIL has the mothering instincts, i am sure she is nurturing etc and looks fwd to helping you and the baby out...men dont always have that, esp older men. my dad lives out of state and already said he wont be able to make it in when the baby is born but he will plan a trip a month later to meet the baby.
i can understand why...what good is he going to be at the hospital? hes not going to be that helpful when i am home with a newborn the first few weeks. i dont hold it against him, i can understand his viewpoint and dont expect him to make a trip in just to be there when the baby is born esp since he wont be in the delivery room with me or anything...why should he sit around a hospital waiting all day? i can skype with him from the hospital and when he is able to he will come up to meet his grandchild.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Honestly, I'd look at it like it's your FIL's loss - not yours. At least your MIL is going to be there and FIL is making the effort, even if it's after the babies are born. I'd respect their decision since maybe you don't know the full story.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Message edited 10/25/2012 5:37:02 PM.

Am I being unreasonable?

Honestly I think I would be a little upset if they couldnt be here for the birth because it is such an exciting time and moment for the family.. I know I would want my parents there from the moment I go into labor so that selfish part of me says yes I would be a little hurt.. But, I do know that for people out of state it is harder to just pick up and leave so I wouldn't be surprised since I know everyone has their own lives going on so I couldn't really blame them although it prob would sting a little... :(

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Honestly, I do think you're being a little unreasonable. Instead, I'd focus on the fact that he'll be here in January and you'll have time to share with him then.

I'm due November 1 and my dad booked himself a ticket to come up (from Florida!) in December. He feels the baby will be a little bigger and sturdier by then, and that way he'll just stay through Christmas. (Coming up before Nov. 1 and staying through the holidays would be way too much NY time for my dad). I get there are dads out there that wouldn't miss their daughter having a baby for anything, I just don't have one like that.

Honestly, it never occurred to me to be disappointed. I know my dad loves me and is excited for this grandchild in his own way. But, unlike the way it is with my mom, me and my baby are not the center of his universe. And that's just the way it is. I'm okay with that and will appreciate the time he does spend with the baby in December.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I hate to use the work unreasonable because everyone is entitled to their feelings regardless of how someone else in the same situation would react.

That being said, I understand where you are coming from. My family does not live on Long Island. When I had my first child they were here the day after the birth only because it was an emergency and baby and I almost died.

This time, I am hoping for much less drama. My parents will be in Florida, and will not be here for the actual birth. They said they will come when I need them. For me, I will need them when I get home, and DH goes back to work. I too am having twins, and the extra hands will be a great help.

I think it is to hard for out of staters to be here for an actual birth, especially when they are so unpredictable. I think the time afterwards is more valuable. This comes from experience of having a child, and really being glad that my parents could be there for me when I was actually home and needed support.

I have tons of support from DH family for the actual birth (his Aunt will even help with delivery). Any time you get with family and baby will be special!

Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't worry about it. Its his loss not yours. Its had when parents live far away.

Mine live in FL and I would have loved to have my mom there for the birth but I went into labor 3 weeks early and they drove up the day DS was born. I actually kind of liked having it just be me and DH for that first day. His parents came late the day DS was born to give us some time to settle in.

Am I being unreasonable?

I don't think you need them here nor will want them all here at the very beginning. But neither my parents nor my ILs have been a part of my birth experiences. Sorry you're disappointed.

Am I being unreasonable?

I wish even one of my ILs cared enough to be there when our baby is born but I know neither do and it is what it is. Although, that being said I have never had the best realtionship with them so it's not much of a let down. I understand that you are disappointed because you have a much better relationship with them than I do with mine and they have said one thing all along and now are doing another. I say as much as it upsets you try to be happy that MIL will be here and that FIL will be along shortly after. My ILs haven't even asked when we would want then to come visit or voice an opinion about visiting AT ALL.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by cateyemm

I totally hear you. Your point makes sense, I really do think it does. But our families are insanely close. I have a feeling once BIL and our cousins find out he won't be here, they will be angry as well.

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks everyone!!

Re: Am I being unreasonable?