Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

My DH goes away every July to a music festival with his brother and their friends. It is in CT and he is away for 4 days.

It was always a "guy" trip ---- when we first started dating I knew it wasn't something I would go on, because it's when the guys get away and do something without the woman.

Granted, at that time, my husband was the only one who had a significant other, they were all single.

Now my BIL has a girlfriend of 2 years, and she came on the trip last year. My DH thought it was a little messed up because it was a "guy" thing but they were attached at the hip, newly dating, so whatever.

Now she is going again this year, and I really don't have any desire to go. I still feel like it is a guy thing, and to be honest I don't really want to leave Emily for 4 days.

My BIL's gf keeps bugging me about it. She is older then me, in her 40s, has 3 teenage kids, and keeps telling me that it's "healthy" to get away from your kids for a while and that I "need" to leave Emily for 4 days.

Personally, I am not saying that it is bad to leave your teenage kids for 4 days --- that is fine, but she is just so selfish in so many ways. She and my BIL put themselves first, and their relationship first, and the kids are like an afterthought.

In my life, my daughter comes first. I've never left her overnight before. I wouldn't want to do it for the first time for 4 days. Plus if I am going to leave my daughter for 4 days I'd rather do it when I know I'm going to be able to sleep at a hotel in a nice comfy bed somewhere and not sleeping on the hard floor in a tent. It just isn't appealing to me.

Yet I've said again and again that I don't want to do it, and I keep getting lectured about it every time we see/talk to them.

Am I crazy for not wanting to leave my DD for 4 days?

Is there something wrong with me as a person, that I don't want to take time to myself for 4 days, at least not in this way?

Maybe I am the wrong one here, I don't know.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

I don't think you're wrong at all! You have to do what makes you comfortable, and clearly 4 days in a tent without your daughter is not!

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

I wouldn't want to sleep in a tent for 4 days away from my dc either.

Yes, it is good to do things for yourself without your children. But "roughing it" for 4 days isn't my kind of vacation.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Nope, not selfish at all! I wouldn't go unless I were in a hotel! And I would want to bring my kids! Is this the CT Jazz Fest? I've gone before, but stayed at a resort or in a local hotel.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

nope, I am with you. I did enjoy camping when I was younger, but now, with a 7 month old son, if I am going to leave him for 4 days, I want to get 4 decent nights sleep in a comfy bed.

The other thing is for me, if I had someone willing to watch DS for 4 nights, I would want to go somewhere alone with DH, not spend it with a whole crowd of people. We get so little time alone, that I wouldn't want to waste the babysitting favor I would have to call in for that. I might feel differently when he is older, but right now, I wouldn't go on that type of trip either.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

SOooOOOOoo not wrong. I am totally with you. Next time she lectures you, tell her if you are going to go away for 4 days without DD, its to be pampered at a resort and reconnect with DH- NOT sleeping in a tent and hanging out with a bunch of people.

I'm sorry- but those kinds of *getaways* are so far off in the past for me..... Back then I needed to be drunk to enjoy it.

We went to Mexico for 4 days when DD was 7 months old. It BROKE my heart. I will say though- we DID enjoy ourselves immensely and it definitely recharged our marriage. BUT- we had booked it before DD was born. I probably would have never gone if we hadn't previously scheduled it.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

chmlengr - it is actually the Gathering of the Vibes --- it's a big "hippie" type festival. We went to some years ago when we were dating. It's basically a big party for the long weekend. Maybe I am just acting older then my age, but I don't really enjoy partying that much anymore. My BIL and his GF are all about partying, and do it way too often (daily) IMO when they have 3 teenage children living with them.

It is just stuff I dont want to be involved in anymore and they act like there is something wrong with that.

And yea...if it was a romantic weekend getaway with DH, that would be something different...

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

First and foremost......

You very well know you are NOT wrong.

I don't know why it is even an issue. You declined and that should've been the end of it.

You would be a bump on a log anyway. You'll be useless b/c you'll physically will be there but emotionally and mentally you'll be a wreck with out DD. In time you may feel different and would want to leave her home in good hands, but right now you are not ready and that should be a good enough excuse!!!!



The girlfriend's life is ALL together different than yours.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Posted by Stefanie

I wouldn't want to sleep in a tent for 4 days away from my dc either.

Yes, it is good to do things for yourself without your children. But "roughing it" for 4 days isn't my kind of vacation.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

I think you should take time with yourself and DH away without DD- but on YOUR terms... with something you BOTH want to do. If you don't think spending 4 nights in a tent is an idea of fun (and either do I) then tell her to mind her own business and that the discussion is over.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Posted by Stefanie

I wouldn't want to sleep in a tent for 4 days away from my dc either.

Yes, it is good to do things for yourself without your children. But "roughing it" for 4 days isn't my kind of vacation.

Message edited 7/7/2008 10:26:11 AM.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

I think it works for some people to go on trips away from their kids and they can relax and enjoy themselves but for others its just not something they are comfortable with so do whatever feels comfortable to you and be very firm to your bil's gf and tell her you are not going and the topic is not up for discussion THE END. Is she trying so hard to persuade you to go so you two can hang out or so she wont feel guilty about leaving her own kids?

To each their own and neither I nor my husband could leave our DD for an afternoon never mind 4days and I dont see anything wrong with that - what good would our alone time be if we were to spend the entire time miserable because we missed our daughter.

Tell her to put a sock in it and go with your instincts - you are a GREAT mom

Message edited 7/7/2008 10:49:47 AM.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

I don't think you are wrong at all - you know best what is good for you and your family. I wouldn't leave my DS alone for a day much less 4 days, and certainly not for camping!

JMO, but I would just have a firm response ready the next time it came up, like - I'm not discussing this with you again, I said I wasn't going and that's it.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Hey if your going to leave Emily for a few days it should at least be to go somewhere you want to go....so no I don't think your being ridiculous at all.

On a different note maybe try to have her stay overnight somewhere so you and DH can have a night to yourselves...try it you may like it

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

There's one thing I agree with her on - you need a break once in a while, and sometimes it IS good to put the emphasis on your marriage as a first priority. I always say the best gift I think I can give to my daughter is the model of a healthy, loving, prioritized marriage

BUT, that time should be on YOUR terms, not demanded of you from someone else. Personally I think a camping trip is a PERFECT family trip. To go alone with DH, I would do something a little more romantic

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Posted by Stefanie

I wouldn't want to sleep in a tent for 4 days away from my dc either.

Yes, it is good to do things for yourself without your children. But "roughing it" for 4 days isn't my kind of vacation.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Honestly, I agree with her to an extent. I DO think its important, for me, to get some time alone with DH. Its how we reconnect. so much of our lives are about Jordy and work. We don't get too much time to focus on us, and when we do, a dinner out a few times a month isn't enough.

last year we went to Vegas for 4 days. DD stayed with my mom. It was great! I really needed that kind of trip.

This year we are talking about going away again, just the two of us. The stronger our marriage, the better life DD would have.

However, I don't think the trip that you explained sounds like you two will get any romantic bonding time. It just doesn't sound like your thing. And that's fine.

If I was going to spend four days away from DD with my DH, it would be on OUR terms, not someone's girlfriend.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

You aren't being ridiculous at all. Don't let anyone tell you what to do. I'd make the same choices you are. A girlfriend of one of the guys in DH's group started going to their occasional weekend outings and all the other guys guys hate it.

I'd just say to this girl, I consider this a guys weekend and I'm giving DH his well deserved time with the guys. Hopefully that would at least end her bugging you.

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Hey Melissa! By BIL helps run the Gathering of the Vibes! I don't go though- it's not my cup of tea. I totally agree that if I'm leaving my kids it's got to be a vacation I WANT to take!!!

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

I would go about it a different way. I would say to her well it's not about me leaving Emily for 4 days it is more about intruding on my DH male bonding ritual. I'm sorry I can't be "that girl"

Re: Am I being ridiculous? parenting related at the bottom.

Posted by Stacey1403

I would go about it a different way. I would say to her well it's not about me leaving Emily for 4 days it is more about intruding on my DH male bonding ritual. I'm sorry I can't be "that girl"