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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Aggressive Behavior
I am so happy I found a computer to log on to...I'm at class today but...
DH dropped Lucas off at daycare this morning a little later than usual and the regular teacher pulled him aside to tell him that, ever since we returned from vacation, Lucas has been waking from his nap screaming (like he's scared) and has been "aggressive" with the other kids.
My first reaction was OMG! But "aggressive" in this situation means that when a child takes a toy from him he grabs it back and if a child is playing with a toy that he wants he will push them and grab the toy. No hitting other than the pushing and otherwise no hitting other children.
She asked us to work with Lucas and if I had been there the conversation would not have ended like that.
Here's my concern:
This sounds like a sharing issue - something that for the most part is very normal. Also sounds like an issue that needs to be dealt with when it happens..not after. We don't have any other children for Lucas to share with at home so I'm not quite sure the we can really "work" on it at home. We can try to play with him and show him sharing but with all due respect we are his parents so the dynamics are very different.
I think that I need to speak to the teacher to understand exactly what she sees, maybe go and observe, and ask her to explain to me how they handle it so we can maybe use the same words to reinforce the importance. But other than that...what can I do?
Also...if DH had not gone in later today I feel like she would not have said anything to us...no notes - if this has been going on since we got back - 2 weeks 
What do you all think? What can I do without making this a huge event...because I really don't feel like it is. Maybe I am wrong.
How could coming back from Disney make his behavior change? Do you think that the fact that he was bitten when we returned could have contributed to some of this?
Thanks!
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Posted 10/3/08 9:27 AM  |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Ang - I have no advice - but when I got back from Italy - Jack was a little DEVIL! For about two weeks. Hitting, punching, throwing tantrums. I don't know what it is about vacations - maybe since we take them out of their daily routines - they feel a little out of control?
Sorry for the big run-on - I'm getting ready to leave the house but I wanted to respond! 
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| Posted 10/3/08 9:32 AM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
I think it was maybe just a coincidence that it happened after Disney
I think it has something to do with the age. DS is 16 months and at daycare I see himself grab toys from others and push kids away.
When I saw it I said "Stop--Be nIce and share"--and I told the teacher she has full permission to say the same thing to him
I dont know if she does. I think it is something that they go through and maybe you should tell the teachers that they need to say something when it happens---this way he will learn. They are not going to learn it at home when they are the only kid there
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| Posted 10/3/08 9:40 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Thank you both for responding. I really appreciate that you took the time out to try to help knowing how this would upset me. It's hard to get news when you can't be there to receive it in person and ask questions.
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| Posted 10/3/08 8:26 PM |
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aja
my princess
Member since 10/05 2936 total posts
Name:
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
as for the two week comment she made .....sometimes I do that as a teacher I don't necessarily tell the parent everytime the child does something but if it continues I will say something especially if it something that can be dealt with in class
I think it's just a stage and totally nornal at this age...for them sharing means letting someone hold it for a second and then getting it back
the screaming I think could be a combination of things...two year molars? and just being used to spending so much time with you on vacation
I'm sure it will pass...maybe she felt the need to say something when she saw your dh...
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| Posted 10/3/08 8:33 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
First off,
Secondly, I know Lucas, I don't see how he could be aggressive? And I agree with you, what if DH hadn't brought Lucas in later? And why did it take 2 weeks to hear about this issue (unless they were hoping it would resolve itself?)
I do know when we got back from Capitva, Christopher had a really hard time adjusting to going to my cousin's house everyday, he cried and screamed like a banshee whenever we left him. Maybe he misses you guys and is acting out?
ETA: So THAT's why you didn't email me back today 
Message edited 10/3/2008 8:38:31 PM.
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| Posted 10/3/08 8:38 PM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Posted by Ang-Rich
Thank you both for responding. I really appreciate that you took the time out to try to help knowing how this would upset me. It's hard to get news when you can't be there to receive it in person and ask questions.
I agree--when DH gets info I get nutz!! Lucas is such a loving boy--dont worry too much. I think its a phase of them exerting their independance and all
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| Posted 10/3/08 8:41 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Posted by KateDevine
ETA: So THAT's why you didn't email me back today
Sorry - I was in class all day...but would have preferred to have chatted with you instead!
The teacher I spoke with this afternoon was really helpful and told me what she says to the kids in these situations so Rich and I will use the language as well. But overall she felt "aggressive" was the wrong word to be used.
When the kids are playing and all happy and excited, Lucas hugs them and laughs...not all kdis want to be hugged. But also when they are playing with toys Lucas will walk right up and take what he wants...even if that means taking it away from other kids. But the teacher explained that this was very normal and they would work on sharing with him and the others. Made me feel better - I was envisioning him knocking kids out based on what the other teacher told Rich.
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| Posted 10/3/08 8:45 PM |
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msrsfeb
LIF Adult
Member since 2/06 1277 total posts
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
i really think a lot of it is the age. My Ds is definitely more aggressive then my daughter and we are running into the same problems right now. he is constantly harrassing her~
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| Posted 10/3/08 8:47 PM |
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Ugh, Ang - your daycare stories make me want to 
What the hell are they doing over there? They don't know how to teach a toddler??? 
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| Posted 10/4/08 11:37 AM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
DD is 11 months and she'll waddle right over to another baby and rip whatever they have in their hand.  She is so rough. Her teachers say that right now we can't do anything about it but I hope that she changes in the next few months otherwise they'll be having the same converstaion with me! 
Let us know what happens!
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| Posted 10/4/08 12:08 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Posted by Ang-Rich
She asked us to work with Lucas and if I had been there the conversation would not have ended like that.
Here's my concern:
This sounds like a sharing issue - something that for the most part is very normal. Also sounds like an issue that needs to be dealt with when it happens..not after.
Please don't take this the wrong way but I completely disagree with you...
Any kinda "incident" should be addressed when it happens, but I always think the parents should address it at home as well.
Children (all ages) need to have that follow through, so they can understand what is and isn't acceptable.
This is totally age appropriate but needs to be addressed regardless. Its just pushing now, but you don't want it to turn into hitting or biting.
I think you should speak with the teacher and get on the same page, and then go home and speak to Lucas, everyday as these things happen.
I know he is young, but our children UNDERSTAND US, they UNDERSTAND CONSISTENCY.
Its as simple as saying "Lucas did you take the puzzle from Billy? Did you push Billy? Did that make Billy sad??? Its not nice to make our friends sad. Mommy needs you to be a good sharer and nice to your friends..."
Whether it be daycare, preschool or grade school. Parents and teachers HAVE to be on the same page, and our children HAVE to see that.
HTH and if you wanna chat more send me a FM
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| Posted 10/4/08 8:54 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Aggressive Behavior
Honestly? None of this behavior sound out of the ordinary to me and I think the fact he is in daycare brings more attention to it as for the welfare of all the kids KWIM?
i wish I had advice, but I wanted to say dont be too hard on yourself, Lucas or anyone here. He's a good boy and I wouldnt worry. I bet it resolves itself fast!
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| Posted 10/4/08 8:58 PM |
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