Admitting to yourself that you are done...

..having kids.

I spent a good part of the evening trying to sort out the kids playroom. My DD was with me and she was piling up all the toys that she does not play with anymore and that DS does not play with. She put them in the "donate" pile. I cut the organizing short as I could feel myself tearing up and getting anxious looking at the donate pile..I honestly dont know if I will be able to donate them. The same thing happens when I try to sort through my kids clothes to donate or give to friends the ones they have outgrown. I just cannot seem to move on.

I had wanted a third but after 3 miscarriages I have more or less accepted that its not happening.

BUT I cannot seem to move on.

Advice?

Thanks

Re: Admitting to yourself that you are done...

DH and I have not officially decided but deep down I know we are done. I am going to be 39 and DH is 45. Had we been 10 years younger without a doubt I would have wanted two. But we had a scare at 20 weeks with my first daughter and I don't think I can go through that again. I just feel already there are so many risk factors against us. Sometimes I feel selfish for feeling that way. But I am so thankful that after a number of tests my DD was ok and I love her more than anything. I don't feel like my life is incomplete without another baby. Plus I have 2 nieces that I love like my own so I almost feel like I have 2 other daughters as well. I guess it comes down to being able to say the words out loud that you are done. I don't really feel like I offered advice but hoped I helped in that you are not alone.

Re: Admitting to yourself that you are done...

I have 16 month old triplet boys and I am done. It pains me on some level to know definitively that I will never have the classic experience of parenting one baby and also that I will never have a daughter. BUT we do not have the financial, emotional or physical (taking care of triplets is back-breaking!) resources for another, nor can we justify the expense of another ivf when we made out like gangbusters the first time!

What helps me is thinking of all the things we can do now that we are done having kids. I can go back to school, we can take a cruise next summer, go to Disney in a few years, buy a house...some major, some trivial, but all things to look forward to. I also remember all of the friends i met on the infertility journey who are still waiting, and I look at my beautiful family and it helps me appreciate what i have. For some of us it will always be a little bittersweet.

Message edited 10/25/2013 9:17:24 PM.

Re: Admitting to yourself that you are done...

I can't admit it bc I refuse to believe it. I am not done, DH says he is (we have 2 lil girls). I keep saying I can convince him otherwise, but in my heart I don't know if he'll ever change his mind. I BABY our youngest (17 months) so much. I just cannot imagine she's really my last. I know realistically 2 is a good number. We can travel more, afford to do more with and for them, and at least they have each other etc. But I will always regret not having a third.