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A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Since people said that thread was helpful, lets try it again.
no particular issues need to be brought up - lets simply share what do we do if one parent is implementing a procedure or a rule that the other does not agree with.
Interrupt the parent?
Go against the parent?
Or follow through, then discuss with the parent when the child is asleep or not privy to the discussion, and make a plan for the future?
We do the latter. We have had to do this with 3 kids (my SD's as well as Cailen) and its the best approach. United front not only makes things consistent for the kids, but it keeps parents from being angry and resentful of each other.
Please share tips, information, thoughts on this. If you give an example, we will promise not to judge the example or even comment on it, unless we agree....
Can we play nice? If not, I will march over and implement my time out procedure on you. And it won't be purtee... 
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Posted 9/18/08 10:08 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
of course no parent should go against the other--I think the other post turned ugly and there were circumstances to it that people fought over..I think everyone already said that going against each other was not a good idea.
edited to add...Im defiant..I won't sit in the corner...lol
edited again to say--I mean the majority of the time united front---if there is a issue I dont agree with we do not battle it out in front of our kids.
Message edited 9/18/2008 10:26:08 AM.
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:10 AM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
I usually shot him a look. we will step away and speak privatly for a moment. When he sees things my way, we go back and lay down the law
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:11 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Or follow through, then discuss with the parent when the child is asleep or not privy to the discussion, and make a plan for the future?
this is what we will do
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:14 AM |
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Posted by Boobobunny
I usually shot him a look. we will step away and speak privatly for a moment. When he sees things my way, we go back and lay down the law
Ah, the "Look"
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:25 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Or follow through, then discuss with the parent when the child is asleep or not privy to the discussion, and make a plan for the future?
this is what we will do
This is what we do as well.
But, I have to say, we don't often disagree. Sometimes I think DH could be a little too hard on DS and yell at him and when that happens, I just say 'Miiiiike' and shoot him a look and it kind of brings him back to reality.
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:27 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
We very rarely have an issue...
But in general we use a catch phrase. It tells the other parent that something is "up" and that things may need to be reviewed.
Example: Ive already told the kids NO SNACKS b/c Im making dinner. Kids will go and ask him if they can have something. He'll say yes without realizing that Ive already said no. If I hear him I'll ask him to google a recipe for me which he knows means that I already said NO to eating for whatever reason....
We have different ones for different situations..but one could work just fine too.
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:45 AM |
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My4GirlsMyLife
My 4 girlies
Member since 2/08 9702 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Or follow through, then discuss with the parent when the child is asleep or not privy to the discussion, and make a plan for the future?
this is what we will do
same here !!
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| Posted 9/18/08 10:50 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Luckily, DW and I have similar ideas about rewards/punishment/consequences, etc. However, even if we always agree, we don't know what happened when the other wasn't around. When I come home from work, the first thing I do is ask DW how the day went, and if there is anything I should know about (things she promised DC, punishments, etc).
If one of us makes a decision on the fly, the other will always back them up. We'll discuss it after DC go to bed if we have an issue with it.
A while ago, DS would try asking one of us for something, then if that one said "No", he would try the other....("Let me go see what Mommy says...") after that didn't work, he stopped playing that....  
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| Posted 9/18/08 11:12 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Best thing to do is to have a sit down & discuss what you both agree is the way to handle disagreements. Then follow it. That's the ideal world.
The real world. Death glare, followed by a discussion after they are asleep. Works most of the time.
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| Posted 9/18/08 11:29 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
simple: my way or the highway
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| Posted 9/18/08 11:48 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: A drama free discussion on Mommy vs. Daddy issues
Posted by lipglossjunky73
United front not only makes things consistent for the kids, but it keeps parents from being angry and resentful of each other.
GREAT THREAD LIZA!!!!!
100% TOTALLY AGREE with you Liza. Even if I do not 100% agree with DH at the time...I talk to him AFTER Grace is in bed and we adjust the next day. Like your story, Liza with the strawberries.
As a child my brother and I KNEW my mom would cave and pined her against my dad to get what we wanted.
They divorced after 25 years of marriage. For many reasons, but my dad DID mention that my mom NEVER backed him up with my brother and I and ALWAYS made him out to be the "bad guy". I don't always agree with my dad, but on this one I do b/c I know that is what we did as kids. some food for thought...my dad told me that he never felt like my mom was his "partner" in the sense of co-parenting. It was mom lets us do whatever even if Dad says NO and we learned it at a very early age...I remember being 3 yrs old and manipulating the situation to get what i want.
Gracie tries this at age 2 and it does not fly in my house. My DH has told me many times that he really appreciates how I back him up in front of Grace and we discuss it later if I slightly disagree. DH is more of a softee than I am with Grace, but certain things like whining, hitting, biting he puts her in time out without a warning. I feel she should have a warning and be giving the chance to correct her behavior and he feels differently. So we agreed that hitting & biting = NO warning, direct timeout. Whining, asking one of us after the other says no = warning (and she will usually stop the behavior then).
That is what works for us. HTH
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| Posted 9/18/08 12:00 PM |
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