Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

So, as many of you may already know, we had our first ultrasound on Thursday and we were able to hear and see 3 heartbeats. RE told us about the "vanishing twin syndrome" which basically means that they might not all be there when we go back in 2 1/2 weeks.

After plenty of research DH and I found out that the "vanishing twin syndrome" is normal and it happens more often than not (apparently) during a pregnancy of multiples.One of the fetuses in a multiple pregnancy spontaneously aborts, usually during the first trimester; the fetal tissue is absorbed by the other twin, the placenta, or the mother, thus giving the appearance that the twin "vanished."

Ok, so that said....... if we are blessed with all 3 sticking after the first trimester, we are so worried about the health risk on the babies. Please don't get me wrong......We have absolutely no problem having 3 babies. Thankfully we have the family support. My mom (who is retired) told me that she has no problem moving in with us to help me during the first year. My mom is divorced and lives in another country. She actually did that when my daughter was born (14 years ago) and she was a great help. My mother in law is retired and very involved in this, as so is my sister-in law (who is a stayed at home mom of two teenagers) and already told me she will be here to help. Thankfully we all get along. Of course, lets not forget that I have a 14 year old daughter who might help a little here and there and a wonderful DH who is very hands on.

We feel blessed, elated, nervous, apprehensive, .....O M G! so many emotions. We were having problems conceiving for 1 1/2 year and now we are so blessed.

We have done so much research in the past couple of days. But we are so worried about the possible health risks to the babies and myself. We will be meeting with two multiples high risk doctor for a consults as well. There are 4 doctors in DH's family and 6 sets of twins. We are overwhelmed with information. Of course there is not wrong or right answer here. There is also no guaranteed of anything either. In fact when I had my daughter I was 25 and a stick. I actually went into pre-term labor at 7 1/2 months, but doctors were able to stop my labor. I ended up having my daughter via c-section at 8 1/2 months and she was 8 lbs and 21 1/2 inches. That is another worry I have. I am a small framed. I am 5' 1" (and that is pushing it) and weight 110lbs...can my body handle it?

I am so sorry if this is too long. and if you have read this far....I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have not had time to think about anything but my babies.

I was wondering, what would you do if you were faced with this situation? How would you feel? Would you be worried about the health risks as well? So much to think about?

On the other hand, I am also thinking....how will I feel if I only see / hear two heartbeats when I go back?

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

FMing you..

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

I am sure I would feel scared and nervous like you. Scared to lose a baby, scared about the health of all three, all those feelings

Many prayers for your babies and you, I hope they are all healthy

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

Im a worrier by nature and im sure I would be really scared also. More and more I relaize though how strong and amazing the female body is so am sure that no matter what you and your Lo's will be fine - whether it is 2 or 3. Good luck!

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

I don't really have any BTDT advice. No one ever said anything to me when we found out we were having twins that there was a possibility of one vanishing.

What I will say is through this whole pregnancy I have felt a little more on edge. And every time I feel myself getting overwhelmed I take a step a back and say "really, whatever happens is out of my control and I am grateful for anything and everything I am given." I'm not quite a religious person but to a degree I do feel like some things are just meant to happen a specific way and it's not really up to us to decide.

It sounds like you have an amazing support system which will be your savior during this entire journey you are about to embark on. Use them!!

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

aw that is hard. . I think that I would be completely worried about the health risks but don't know what that would mean in terms of my actions or emotional reactions. . I think no matter what happens you will have conflicting emotions. . . or mix of relief, sadness, anxiety etc. . I think the best thing is to just be as informed as you can be, get some medical advice (possibly from more than one person) and keep thinking about what is best for you and your LOs!

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

I would be just as nervous as you are right now!

First things first...it sounds like you've got a GREAT support system in place...what a blessing!

I will tell you that my 1/2 sister is exactly 14 years older than me (I'm a twin)...she was SUCH A HUGE HELP to my mom when my brother and I were babies, and guess what-she's my BEST FRIEND!

As for your health concerns-I think its great that you're meeting with 2 different doctors. I'm sure you and your DH will entrust one of them with the care of you and your babies. Definitely make sure to voice ALL of your concerns, hopefully your mind will be put at ease..

JMO-if you have THAT many doctors in your family, in addition to the OB that will be treating you..maybe it's best to sticking to advice from YOUR doc? I too would be confused being flooded with so many opinions....and sometimes too much info can work against you and turn you into a paniced mama to be!

Hope all is great with you and your LO's.

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

My brother had triplets 24 years ago. They were born at 26 weeks and 2 made it. Back then things weren't as sophisticated so I am sure today they would all be fine. His wife was also a stick and 4'11". They ended up with no health problems in the end. The mom doesn't really think about the third one because she was so happy to have one, let alone 2!

My other brother also had twins an carried to 38 weeks with no problems. She was also petite.

Let your doctors do the worrying for you as far as the pregnancy and you worry about the rest!

Congrats!

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

First off... for you. I know how stressful this can be.Secondly STOP reading and researching stuff online it will make you nuts....What ever will be will be thats the way I looked at things. The Drs are going to tell you things and give you statics of what can happen and dont let it get to you. It is very overwhelming but you will get thru it. I had a great high risk OB in Great Neck that I loved. I was told that bc of my weight..being heavy..and my age....I was 40...that I should reduce down to twins bc it would be safer for me and the babies. The Drs told me I would most likely get GD and high blood pressure and go into preterm labor....well I didnt reduce....I never got GD or High bloodpressure and in fact went the full 36 weeks and had 3 healthy babies born at 5.5 5.4 and 4.2. They are now 18 months and I thank GOD every day they are healthy and none of them have issues...I am sorry this is long but I am trying to prove a point...DoNot let the stats get to you. They gave me 30% chance the IVF would even work...well it did and on the first try...So keep your chin up, keep thinking positive thoughts and things will work out fine. FM if you have any questions. And to the other ladies on here I am sorry this was so long.....

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

I honestly dont know how anyone pregnant with 3 (or 2) WOULDN'T worry about the health risks. i worry enough about being pregnant with 1, so with multiples it would be my #1 concern. thats why fertility treatment is such a risk and many doctors are very cautious with how many follies they'll trigger and do IUI with, especially on the first cycle. its a very controversial issue. many REs dont consider multiple gestations the ideal outcome. the goal is to get you pregnant with the least risk possible, and obviously the more babies the higher the risk.

when i went in for my first u/s we saw one heartbeat and one empty sac. i was sad, but the response from my RE was, "this is a good thing." of course as thankful as i was for the one strong heartbeat, it didnt feel that way to me at the time. im still totally jealous when i see girls post that they are preg with two. i just figure we did IVF and the embryos put back in were hand selected so it makes me a little sad that one of the two "perfect" ones, mustve been chromosomally abnormal since all it produced was a blighted ovum. makes me wonder how many of my 8 "perfect" frosties are like that too.

anyway the point is, its normal to be completely terrified and excited at the same time. if you lose one or two, its perfectly normal to be upset about the ones that were lost. however, after going through infertility, just you get to go home with at least one. and if it ends up being 2 or 3, be grateful for whatever you get!!

Message edited 1/22/2011 2:16:28 PM.

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

I am going to tell you what my DH and I ahve talked aabout.

First NO ONE can tell you what to do. You need to decided with the doctors.

But my experience might help you.

My DH and I decided to TTC. I am NOT young (39). We decided 2 things.

1. NOTHING is more important than my helath and me. If faced with impossable decisions, we will ALWAYS pick my health and my life over a fetus. Dont take this statement I say next as crass or unfeeling, or horrible...but the fact is I cant be replaced. He cant get another me. My health and well being trump everything.

2. We also decided that if I will have every test I can have. If the baby is found to have ANY problems, we wont keep the pregnancy. For US, its not the right choice.

So I hope what we are talking about gives you some insight into how oher people are making decisions.

I hope that you get what you want. I want you to have the best pregnancy and healthy babies!!!!

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

First, congratulations on your pregnancy!!!!!! You have FM!

Re: Opinion needed...---- sorry for the lenght

If this helps any... I have a friend who had triplets... all were born healthy and fine. the mother is healthy... and now the triplets are about 3 years old.... so it can absolutely work out with no issues.

I say this because some people share all the bad aspects... but there are also some good stories out there.