Message edited 7/2/2012 8:42:59 AM.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

It's all totally normal. I can't speak for others on this board, but I can certainly tell you that when I'm out to dinner with DH, I don't look around at the happy familes and smile at their fortune. I grimace at my misfortune. You should post on here more often, we can definitely tell you that youre not alone

I'm not going to lie and say it gets easier. The deeper I get into IF treaments, for me, its getting harder. It strains me and DH's relationship. Its hard to concetrate at work. Maybe for others they can take it in stride, but I think it has to do with personality. IF is like dealing with loss, even if you've never had a miscarriage. You're dealing with the loss of your hopes and dreams. It's not an easy thing to contend with while keeping up with your life on top of dealing with all the crazy-inducing drugs, doctor's appointments, complications.

Your friend's comment was pretty insensitive, which is why I don't bother sharing my feelings about this stuff with anyone but girls on here. I've had my share of stupid comments as well and they don't help.

The only advice I can offer is practice a lot of self care. Go to therapy, exercise, eat right, continue being social (with people who are gentle)- don't stay home and wallow. It doesnt solve the problem, but it's better than hiding at home. Eventually you'll get through this, we all will

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

Message edited 7/2/2012 8:43:07 AM.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

somehow this topic came up with my boss, b/c i started going into our city office and taking random days off for testing which is not like me so she asked me if i was doing fertility treatments and said she'd be supportive of anything i do/ need. she also went through fertility treatments and it sounds like she had a difficult time with it. she said that when your "baby switch" is turned on, all you can see is babies,you do anything you need to do get your baby and nothing else in the world matters. i thnk my baby switch is about to be turned on as well, and that scares me b/c of everything you said.

i know this might not make you feel better, but i hope you know you are not alone.

i hope you have brighter days with more hopeful feelings for your future. if you can't talk to any of your friends or family, and talking here (even if it is through FM and not posted on the board), have you considered talking to a therapist?

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

Hi! Sorry you are going through this. You have every right to feel the way you do. What happened with the biopsy? I haven't been following your story, so I am not aware of your situation.

Btw- at the infertility clinic at Cornell it says that research found that the stress of infertility is equal to finding out you have AIDS or cancer. That is extreme stress. It consumes your entire life. Would someone tell a cancer patient you are overreacting?

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

Message edited 7/2/2012 8:43:21 AM.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

I'm so sorry about you and your husband's situation. I'm so glad he's healthy, though.

Last spring we found out DH had 0 sperm, too. He was put on Clomid and retested in the fall. Once they found 35 dead sperm; once they found 4 (that's it) living sperm. Our only chance to have his biological child was to do IVF. DH would go through a very invasive surgery to look for sperm, but, we bought donor sperm in case we needed it. And we were prepared to use it. We paid totally out of pocket for IVF and his surgery. It cost us more than we could afford. I did the injections. DH went through the very painful surgery. But they found sperm - they gave us hope. The eggs fertilized but fewer than half. Then slowly,we started to lose our embabies. At my transfer they told me all of our embryos were slowing down, but we transfered two anyway. Now, almost 2 weeks later DH still can only walk short distances b/c he's in so much pain. And I have a BFN. Two months of planning and it didn't work. We're devasted. Crushed. Heartbroken. We cry. A lot. But we won't cry forever. These were not meant to be our babies.

Why did I share my story? To tell you that you are NOT alone. I mourned all weekend. I barely even left our apt today. I am sad...really sad that I will never have my husband's biological child. I am angry we were given false hope and that this would work for us. I'm angry at the drs; the embryologist who picked the sperm; at every one who gets pregnant on their first try. I'm angry at the world right now.

But then I force myself to think - I am also lucky b/c we still have options. I'm lucky that in a few weeks we'll have another plan to bring us our baby.

So my advice for both of us - take some time to be sad, angry, whatever. Feel what you want to feel. When you're ready, go meet with your drs again and figure out what your plan will be. And most importantly, remember that you are not alone.

Message edited 2/19/2012 9:57:25 PM.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

I don't post much either -- but I love this thread. It really puts everything into perspective...

Thank you to everyone who shared.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

first

if u want me to be honest..how do i do it...with a lot of fake smiles ...i try to be nice and happy..but i allow myself the bad days..if i want to have a sad day i do..and if i cannot go to that 19th shower invite i do not and i dont care what anyone thinks bc unless u have walked in our shoes u do not have the closest idea

i cope by knowing i have dh..he is my rock..we want a child more than the air we breathe and we will never stop trying but i do take happiness in knowing there is nobody else i want to be on this journey with ...i dont think i could do it with anyone else..

will i ever have a child..i dont know..but i knoe we will never give up and when i see the pregnant woman or the family eating dinner does it sting.like a knife..but i always remember there is the glimmer fo hope that maybe one day that will be us

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

First of all, anyone who can say you are overreacting just doesn't know boo about anything about this!!


Honestly.. I think it's the small miracles and moments of hope along the way that keep me moving.. A monitoring appt... a potential match... it's the random moments of happiness along the way that are the moments I live for these days. It's too overwhelming to focus on the big picture, especially since this process has brought me "so close yet so far" on a number of occasions.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

Message edited 7/2/2012 8:43:33 AM.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

im not going to lie... its the hardest and worst thing ive ever had to go through.... i was at a shower yesterday for my cousins wife who is due the exact same day i was with my 3rd loss... i said in a thread on TTC that you become numb after a while and hat definitely applies to me... i rarely cry or get upset about it anymore...

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

You are strong too!! You have to be.. In "infertility world" being strong is a survival strategy!

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

Posted by PennyCat

You are strong too!! You have to be.. In "infertility world" being strong is a survival strategy!

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

It's a pain, a real genuine pain that no one who hasn't gone through it will ever understand. You mourn the loss of so many things while dealing with IF. Dreams and hopes included. Some days you can smile for real and be happy for others. Some days you fake a smile and being happy and some days you stay in bed and want to die and can't find a reason to get up and function. We get it. It sux. It isn't fair and if you have someone in your life that can't be supportive (even if they can't "understand") then I would say leave them out of the process. You need strength and compassion right now.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

Message edited 7/2/2012 8:43:52 AM.

Re: I know I don't post on here too much....

I just want to give you a what your friend said really stinks...I have not been going thru this as long as others but it really hurts to see others getting pregnant and you just cant...I hope that it will happen some day for us but if for some reason it cannot I at least have my best friend for life...the love we have for one another really puts this in perspective and I know he loves me no matter what