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Message edited 5/20/2008 12:24:06 PM.

Re: ? about family members

Common genetics don't make common interests.... people can't force friendships just because they share a last name, or some DNA. Take what you have as it is, and don't try and force anything more. I believe that you have the right idea, and the only thing I can suggest is to try and convey this to them in whatever method seems to get through to them.

Re: ? about family members

thanks to all that gave me feedback.

Message edited 5/20/2008 12:33:22 PM.

Re: ? about family members

anyone else? TIA!

Re: ? about family members

I can't speak to this exact situation, but a friendship I had ended about 4 or so months ago because I just felt like we weren't in the same place anymore and lacked any common interests. I also became offended by some of this person's behavior... but that doesn't seem to be an issue w/ your particular situation. I understand that you can't just go up and say "look, we have nothing in common, just deal" but you can say to this person exactly what you said to us about still wanting to embrace the unique relationship you do have. And I think maybe if you two just go grab a cup of coffee to discuss this it'll be another way of getting to spend time together but not being fake. I would think it would be better to be honest and talk about this face-to-face than to avoid it because this family member can be imagining all sorts of reasons for you not being close when all he/she has is your silence and avoidance to go on, you know?

I hope this helps....it might seem uncomfortable to have to show this person what relationship you have and why you feel it works, but this will probably make you guys stronger in general, or at least make the family member more appreciative of what you already have rather than pushing for more (which makes you uneasy)

Re: ? about family members

i certainly do---with one of my sisters. long story short, we didn't grow up together as she is from my dad's first marriage (lots of drama there with her mom). didn't get back into contact with her and her twin sister until they were in their early 20's and i was a teenager.

while my other sister -- her twin -- and i are very close...i just never was able to get close to her. she has a 180 degree different personality than her twin....and was always very stand offish to my family.....and while we tried to get close to her; she always seemed to keep us at arm's length and was just pleasant and polite to us. later she did try and bridge the gap a little when she had her own children, but i just never really felt 'close' to her. you could tell she was 'forcing it'. sometimes i feel bad, especially cause i'm so close to the other sister....but now i realize that we might have similiar DNA, but it doesn't mean you can make someone be close to you.

Re: ? about family members

thx!

Message edited 5/20/2008 12:36:56 PM.