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Message edited 5/8/2006 3:16:18 PM.

Re: Need some advice...

Re: Need some advice...

I think you can still go out with him - and see where it takes you. If you like him enough then eventually you be able to deal with him having kids. Also - make sure that he even wants more kids - if they are important to you - becuase he may have the attitude "Been there/done that" - because if that is the case then you shouldn't even pursue it if you def. want children.

Why didn't I just turn around and tell you this? LOL!

Re: Need some advice...

how old r u? how old is he? how old r the kids? do they live with him? all of these come in to play.. i wouldnt worry just yet but itsa good idea that u r taking it into consideration cause when u eventually get serious with a guy with kids its a package deal..better to kno what ur willing to get into b4 it gets too far

Re: Need some advice...

that's tough. how old are the kids? is their mother remarried?

I would continue to see him. But I would have my reservations. Not so much the kids that would bother me, as much as the baby's mama drama.

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by muchinluvmichi

how old r u? how old is he? how old r the kids? do they live with him? all of these come in to play.. i wouldnt worry just yet but itsa good idea that u r taking it into consideration cause when u eventually get serious with a guy with kids its a package deal..better to kno what ur willing to get into b4 it gets too far

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by Shopaholic921

Posted by muchinluvmichi

how old r u? how old is he? how old r the kids? do they live with him? all of these come in to play.. i wouldnt worry just yet but itsa good idea that u r taking it into consideration cause when u eventually get serious with a guy with kids its a package deal..better to kno what ur willing to get into b4 it gets too far

I think she's eating lunch, so I'll answer for her...

She will be 28 at the end of November. He will be 40 in a week or 2. His daughter is 11, and his son is 8. They live with their mother, but he see's them every weekend.

Re: Need some advice...

Re: Need some advice...

I think she should date him and see if he's open to having more children.

If so, then she would determine if she is comfortable with the idea of dating a man with kids ages 8 and 11.

If so, and it is goign well for a while- she should get to know him and maybe his family as a "friend" to see if she is comfortable with these kids.

Message edited 11/1/2005 1:22:53 PM.

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by Janice

Posted by Shopaholic921

Posted by muchinluvmichi

how old r u? how old is he? how old r the kids? do they live with him? all of these come in to play.. i wouldnt worry just yet but itsa good idea that u r taking it into consideration cause when u eventually get serious with a guy with kids its a package deal..better to kno what ur willing to get into b4 it gets too far

I think she's eating lunch, so I'll answer for her...

She will be 28 at the end of November. He will be 40 in a week or 2. His daughter is 11, and his son is 8. They live with their mother, but he see's them every weekend.

thanks. is the mom remarried?

Re: Need some advice...

my 2 cents...
I think u should still hang out with him and see what happens but don't stop talking to other guys and continue to date other guys. I wouldn't go "exclusive" with this guy for a while, until you at least see what else is out there on match! you have only been on there for a week!

Re: Need some advice...

Message edited 11/1/2005 1:29:12 PM.

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by Shopaholic921

Posted by Janice

Posted by Shopaholic921

Posted by muchinluvmichi

how old r u? how old is he? how old r the kids? do they live with him? all of these come in to play.. i wouldnt worry just yet but itsa good idea that u r taking it into consideration cause when u eventually get serious with a guy with kids its a package deal..better to kno what ur willing to get into b4 it gets too far

I think she's eating lunch, so I'll answer for her...

She will be 28 at the end of November. He will be 40 in a week or 2. His daughter is 11, and his son is 8. They live with their mother, but he see's them every weekend.

thanks. is the mom remarried?

nope, but I think she has a bf. she didn't get into specifics yet because it was only the first date ya know?

Re: Need some advice...

good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: Need some advice...

I would still see him, keep it light. I would still have my feelers out for other possible guys. Keep your options open. The fact that it has been 3 years since divorce is a good sign.

I am selfish though....I would want to know what he pays out in child support.

Would you ever have him on the weekends, or are kids always included?

Is he able to move away, or do you always have to be tied down to NY?

Re: Need some advice...

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by LBG30

Posted by Janice

I would still see him, keep it light. I would still have my feelers out for other possible guys. Keep your options open. The fact that it has been 3 years since divorce is a good sign.

I am selfish though....I Would want to know what he pays out in child support.

Would you ever have him on the weekends, or are kids always included?

Is he able to move away, or do you always have to be tied down to NY?

I know-there is a lot that has to be talked about but I figure the first date was weird to bring it all up.
I would not want to move out of NY anyway. I would not want to be away from my family and friends-I am a true New Yorker -lol
He did bring up last night if it bothered me that he has kids. I told him that it does not bother me but it's just different with him than with other guys cause this was never an issue in the past.
I think I am going to meet another guy from match this weekend-so we will see what happens. I am def. keeping my options open and still going to meet other people.
Thanks everyone for all your advice!!

Re: Need some advice...

Noelle, I met my husband on Match, so I am going to give you my take on this.

When I started on Match, I decided I was going to enter my "ideal" choice. I realized no one is perfect and you can't really know anyone from an internet profile, but if I were given the choice at the beginning, I would prefer someone like me, never been married with no children. I love kids and I have nothing against divorced people, but starting out, I wanted to see who was out there that met that criteria first. If I didn't meet anyone I liked, then I would open up my search for guys that were divorced, and perhaps with children.

The way I saw it was that if I met a person through mutual friends or something that was divorced with kids and liked him, I wouldn't eliminate him, but starting out on Match, my ideal was single, no kids. As it turned out, my DH met my criteria and I didn't have to open up my search. I don't know if that helps you at all, but it worked for me

Your situation is different than the typical match date too, since you guys already knew each other before you met on a date. I think if you like him, give it some time, but realize the children will always be part of your relationship (and the ex-wife might be as well.) I know several people who married men who were divorced with kids and while I would say most are happy, it does come with its own set of challenges. Good luck

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by Shopaholic921

Posted by LBG30

Posted by Janice

I would still see him, keep it light. I would still have my feelers out for other possible guys. Keep your options open. The fact that it has been 3 years since divorce is a good sign.

I am selfish though....I Would want to know what he pays out in child support.

Would you ever have him on the weekends, or are kids always included?

Is he able to move away, or do you always have to be tied down to NY?

I know-there is a lot that has to be talked about but I figure the first date was weird to bring it all up.
I would not want to move out of NY anyway. I would not want to be away from my family and friends-I am a true New Yorker -lol
He did bring up last night if it bothered me that he has kids. I told him that it does not bother me but it's just different with him than with other guys cause this was never an issue in the past.
I think I am going to meet another guy from match this weekend-so we will see what happens. I am def. keeping my options open and still going to meet other people.
Thanks everyone for all your advice!!

lol, you're a player Noellie

Re: Need some advice...

I dated a guy who was 13 yrs my senior and had 2 kids already. It was OK at first and he wanted to have more kids with me. But the age difference really started to come in to play because I was only in my mid-20's and I wanted to go out to bars and have fun still - he didn't want any part of that. Also, once the mother of his children found out we were dating she was relentless and horrible and somehow got my phone # and called me non-stop at night some nights (In all fairness she was bi polar and not taking her meds...but still).
For us, the age difference really started to come in to play and I cared a lot about him, but it wasn't going to work out.
BUT that's not to say it wont work out for you.

Re: Need some advice...

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by dpli

Noelle, I met my husband on Match, so I am going to give you my take on this.

When I started on Match, I decided I was going to enter my "ideal" choice. I realized no one is perfect and you can't really know anyone from an internet profile, but if I were given the choice at the beginning, I would prefer someone like me, never been married with no children. I love kids and I have nothing against divorced people, but starting out, I wanted to see who was out there that met that criteria first. If I didn't meet anyone I liked, then I would open up my search for guys that were divorced, and perhaps with children.

The way I saw it was that if I met a person through mutual friends or something that was divorced with kids and liked him, I wouldn't eliminate him, but starting out on Match, my ideal was single, no kids. As it turned out, my DH met my criteria and I didn't have to open up my search. I don't know if that helps you at all, but it worked for me

Your situation is different than the typical match date too, since you guys already knew each other before you met on a date. I think if you like him, give it some time, but realize the children will always be part of your relationship (and the ex-wife might be as well.) I know several people who married men who were divorced with kids and while I would say most are happy, it does come with its own set of challenges. Good luck

Re: Need some advice...

Noelle --- I met DH on match.com too. I kissed a few (i.e., many) frogs before I found my prince, but I knew he was out there somewhere. The first guy I dated had 4 kids -- and custody!! We were the same age and had a lot in common, but when he told me he could picture me at home taking care of the kids...I realized I wanted out.

But that was a very different situation than yours.

I agree with those who say -- keep it light, and keep your options open. I met someone the night before I met DH and thought HE was Mr. Right -- dated them both for a few weeks til I decided that DH was the real Mr. Right. I never would have met DH had I not kept my options open. SOmetimes you need time to work out your feelings...

Good luck!!

Message edited 11/1/2005 4:29:26 PM.

Re: Need some advice...

Posted by karacg

Noelle --- I met DH on match.com too. I kissed a few (i.e., many) frogs before I found my prince, but I knew he was out there somewhere. The first guy I dated had 4 kids -- and custody!! We were the same age and had a lot in common, but when he told me he could picture me at home taking care of the kids...I realized I wanted out.

But that was a very different situation than yours.

I agree with those who say -- keep it light, and keep your options open. I met someone the night before I met DH and thought HE was Mr. Right -- dated them both for a few weeks til I decided that DH was the real Mr. Right. I never would have met DH had I not kept my options open. SOmetimes you need time to work out your feelings...

Good luck!!