ARRRGGGHHH! UPDATED 11/10

I need to get this out...


I am so pizzed right now at my DH. He NEVER watches College football and the F'ing Rutgers game is on and he is ALL into it. God forbid I speak to him while it is on. Oh yeah, and he HAD to watch survivor tonight, so he has been parked in front of the TV for 3 hours and I feel like a single mother tonight.
I cooked dinner, cleaned up, took care of our DD (feed, changed her and put her to bed) and oh yeah, I WORKED TODAY ALSO, same as he did!!! Sometimes he pisses me off with this cr@p. One day I am not going to do anything for him, just take care of myself and the baby, maybe he would wash a dish or his own underwear if I did.
Its not like it is the Mets (his favorite team) in the playoffs, he NEVER watches college football and did not go to Rutgers or Louisville. I don't get it.

He usually helps out, but the past two weeks he has had this "entitlement" attitude because He had to work late the past two weeks. HEELLLOOOO! I work P/T and when I come home I work too! You know, I feel as if I am unappreciated and I am ****** off! I do EVERYTHING in the house, I do 95% of everything concerning our DD and I worked four days this week instead of three. I had two complicated closings today and all I wanted was 30 minutes to myself. BUT NO, I had to put DD to bed and wash dinner dishes instead . I am so mad!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Message edited 11/10/2006 7:54:27 AM.

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Posted by MelTodd604

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Happens to all of us at one time or another.

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See I would shut the game off, and tell him just how you feel, if he shows he doesn't care well I think I would stay somewhere else for the night, thats not right that he is doing that to you, you work just as hard as he does, being a mother is a full time job!


Vent away!

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Thanks ladies, well I am off to bed.

I guess if he gets lonley he can snuggle with his TV.

Thanks for letting me vent, I feel a lot better.

Message edited 11/9/2006 10:52:47 PM.

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Posted by MelTodd604

See I would shut the game off, and tell him just how you feel, if he shows he doesn't care well I think I would stay somewhere else for the night, thats not right that he is doing that to you, you work just as hard as he does, being a mother is a full time job!


Vent away!

Message edited 11/9/2006 10:59:22 PM.

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Message edited 11/9/2006 11:04:58 PM.

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DH is always saying how lucky I am because he doesn't watch football. Wouldn't you know it he's parked in front of the plasma watching the game with his red "R" (he bought it because his name is Rich) hat on. I called him a poser

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Posted by mommy2bellabean

Posted by dandr10199

I tried this and he turned it back on. Being a mom is a full time job AND I work out side of the home too. I understand he is stressed with work, yadda yadda yadda. I am stressed too! He does not get it.

I have a pretty great DH and I have these moments too...they just don't realize that it is all soooo hard sometimes. Maybe he needs a good kick in the azz

Re: ARRRGGGHHH! UPDATED 11/10

UPDATE: He apologized this morning before he left for work. Then, he asked me to do his laundry because he has no clean socks or underwear. I am tempted to be a b!tch and not do it, even though I am home today just to prove a point. I guess that is immature and I should take the high road, but I feel that my point will not get across if I do his laundry.
I will probably end up doing it since he did apologize. I don't know, I am still upset about last night.


What would you do?

Re: ARRRGGGHHH! UPDATED 11/10

It supposed to be a nice day today. I would go out & enjoy it w/ your daughter. And if you get to them you get to them. If not he can do them when he gets home. It's not to difficult a task.

Re: ARRRGGGHHH! UPDATED 11/10

I wouldn't be vindictive, so if you have time, do his laundry, but at the same time, he needs to understand that you need "you" time just as much as he. So, this weekend or next, make plans with your friends, or make a hair, spa, nail appointment, whatever it is - take a good chunk of time, tell Dh today that you have these plans and that he'll have to take care of the little one in the meantime. DON'T BACK DOWN. My dh is wonderful, but at times he gets like this as well, and instead of getting angry, I try to understand that he needs his time, and as long as he's getting it, I'll have some too, a few days later

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Posted by nrthshgrl

Happens to all of us at one time or another.

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Men! I have the same thing with my DH. We send out laundry out (I do the baby's every week- but ours is too much and the machines in my building sux). He opens it and puts his stuff away when he feels like it, never considering my schedule. If its there in the evening- he syas something. Meanwhile a bag of his clean socks have been on the floor for a week already I also work full time and am a single mom at night since DH comes home after DD has gone to bed. Still he asks me to make him dinner a few nighst a week. When was the last time he made ME dinner?? Oh- I think it was when we were dating. My DH never cleans, although he sometimes puts things away and calls it cleaning. Hello- until you have scrubbed a toilet bowl, you have not cleaned.

If I were you, I would do what the PP posted said and do other chores, but the laundry. I'm sure there is plenty else to do. Let him do the laundry when he has his day off.

Re: ARRRGGGHHH! UPDATED 11/10

I agree - he could have put a load in while watching his game last night or he can do it when he gets home. I'm sure you have plenty of other things to get done today and may not get to it, and he should understand if you were too busy. Sometimes they need to remember how much we really do and they can't expect us to do it all.

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Thanks Ladies!

I did not post this, because I was too embarrassed to but last night this whole thing started over our Hawaii trip. After survivor was over he said "let look at flights" I said OK. Well, I put Grace to bed and he looked. He found a flight at a cheap price and booked it without talking to me first. I told him I had concerns about the trip that I wanted to discuss before he booked it. He said he was schocked that I was not doing cartwheels that he booked it. Then we argued. He turned on the TV again and put on the game. I stood in front of the TV and told him that the conversation was not over and that we needed to talk about how I felt that he just booked it with out consulting me about Grace' schedule and how it might affect (ME NOT HIM) if she is cranky for a 10 hour flight. He then said "I am not talking to you now. All I want to do is watch TV. I think I deserve that since I worked more hours than you and I make more $$ than you". Well, than I said "F you". Grace was in her room sleeping at this point.
After that I came on here and vented. DH watched the game. He apologized this AM.

So, now that the whole story is "out there", I feel better. I keep replaying what he said in my mind. I am soooooo pizzed off about it. I am having a hard time letting it go and if that is how he really feels about me AFTER we discussed me working P/T, then I don't know what more I can say. He was on board and thought that me spending time with Grace was more important to us than me working 12 hour days in NYC five days a week again (now I only work 24 hours a week- three 8 hour days),

My Dh is ususally very helpful and he is usually so sweet to Grace and I. I don't know why he got sooooo offended that I was not jumping for joy at the fact that he booked the trip or why he said what he did. We are doing OK financially and we keep our expenses low. W T F is his problem?? I am asking for honest advice here, do you think I am over reacting? Last night I wanted to tell him that I did not want anymore children with him. That is how pizzed I was. I mean, if me working 80 hour weeks is more important to him than me being a P/T SAHM, then I really don't know who I married anymore.

Any advice is apprecated

Message edited 11/10/2006 10:08:22 AM.

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Well, if my DH ever took the initiative to book plane tix and actually PLAN something I'd probably drop dead from shock - so is it possible that this was unusual behavior for him and he thought he was doing a good thing, taking care of it for you? I see your point about the babies schedule but if he thought was doing this great thing he may have felt defeated afterward. Definitely his comment was uncalled for but we sometimes say things we don't mean in anger. Maybe you can talk again later and confirm that he still is on board w/you working part time AND that he realizes you are not "off" those other 2 days/week - it's no walk in the park caring for a child alone all day and running a household...and might I add the money you are saving him in full time daycare...tell him his comments made you feel like less than his equal and that is just not fair good luck! Many men have no clue what we go through, mine included!!!

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Posted by LInative

Well, if my DH ever took the initiative to book plane tix and actually PLAN something I'd probably drop dead from shock - so is it possible that this was unusual behavior for him and he thought he was doing a good thing, taking care of it for you? I see your point about the babies schedule but if he thought was doing this great thing he may have felt defeated afterward. Definitely his comment was uncalled for but we sometimes say things we don't mean in anger. Maybe you can talk again later and confirm that he still is on board w/you working part time AND that he realizes you are not "off" those other 2 days/week - it's no walk in the park caring for a child alone all day and running a household...and might I add the money you are saving him in full time daycare...tell him his comments made you feel like less than his equal and that is just not fair good luck! Many men have no clue what we go through, mine included!!!

Message edited 11/10/2006 10:31:27 AM.

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grrrrrrrrrrrrr...I am mad FOR you...you should not be embarrassed, but FURIOUS. Um, you work PT and take care of your daughter FT, that doesn't mean days off and that certainly doesn't mean that he deserves to watch TV.

And don't even get me started on the make more $$ thing...that's bananas. As someone in a relationship that has made more money than my DH 95% of the time, he has NO right to throw that in your face. That shouldn't even be an issue, plain and simple. DH took 2 months off from work after my maternity leave ended and that meant ZERO dollars while he did that. I never thought once about it because he was taking care of our child and that was priceless. He knew and I knew it...

You have every right to be angry, and you need to talk to him about it. That behavior is unacceptable and I hope he didn't apologized because he doesn't have clean clothes...


I hope you guys can talk this out...

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oh dina

I understand your anger and frustration, you have every right to be hurt.

Only you know your DH and if this is out of the ordinary for him, maybe something else is going on. You guys need to have a long talk tonight and get everything on the table.

I think you should enjoy the day, you deserve it.... hey why not meet Tracy and I at the Christmas tree shop?

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Posted by -DonnaMarie-

I think you should enjoy the day, you deserve it.... hey why not meet Tracy and I at the Christmas tree shop?

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Posted by mommy2bellabean

grrrrrrrrrrrrr...I am mad FOR you...you should not be embarrassed, but FURIOUS. Um, you work PT and take care of your daughter FT, that doesn't mean days off and that certainly doesn't mean that he deserves to watch TV.

And don't even get me started on the make more $$ thing...that's bananas. As someone in a relationship that has made more money than my DH 95% of the time, he has NO right to throw that in your face. That shouldn't even be an issue, plain and simple. DH took 2 months off from work after my maternity leave ended and that meant ZERO dollars while he did that. I never thought once about it because he was taking care of our child and that was priceless. He knew and I knew it...

You have every right to be angry, and you need to talk to him about it. That behavior is unacceptable and I hope he didn't apologized because he doesn't have clean clothes...


I hope you guys can talk this out...

Message edited 11/10/2006 12:46:58 PM.

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Sorry you are going through this. My dh gets like this sometimes too. I am a fulltime working mom of 2 and I immediately start dinner and get things done when I come home from work as he is doing things on the computer. He is not "all" bad though as he always gives the kids baths and last night he even cleaned ALL the dishes as my son needed to be changed and everything was coming at me at once. He then thew in a load of laundry and gave the kids a bath and ran a shower.

P.S. He did all of this mostly because I told him he was basically on my sh*t list because he didn't take out the garbage again for the 2nd time this week and I dragged it out yesterday morning in my pjs.