Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

DD is 4.5 and DS is 2.5
We live in the city so no car.

Recently when my wife takes both kids out, DS is in a stroller and DD walks. Halfway to wherever they are going DD starts crying and sitting on the sidewalk saying she wants to sit in the stroller.

My mother picks up DD from school so she has to bring DS with her (in the stroller). After school, DD and DS goes to the park and plays. Afterwards she complains that she is too tired and wants to sit in the stroller. (of course DS refuses so a big fight happens)
Its not a big walk...about 6 streets.

My wife convinced me to get a new stroller, one of those where one kid can stand behind between the person pushing the stroller and the seat in front. (I GUARANTEE both kids will fight over who gets to stand vs who has to sit in front)

I ordered it, but part of me is thinking thats the wrong move. Thats enabling her behavior (tantrum).

My pops said that DD should be told "If you get too tired going to the park after school then we'll skip the park"
He said that its the stroller now, next time the tantrum will be "I dont want to go to school" then it will be "I want that toy" or "I want X or Y or Z"

DD already has a tantrum in the morning if she doesn't get the iPhone (I posted about this a few months ago).
Now that she is in "real" school and not preschool, we only have about 20 minutes to get her ready (since class starts at a specific time) and my wife doesn't want to deal with the crying so she just gives DD the iphone.

The other day she was on the floor crying because I wouldn't give her the phone, so I put her back into the bedroom and said "If you cry then you don't get anything and tonight no iPad"
My wife was upset, she's like "We have no time we're going to be late"
I said "Thats fine, I'll drop her off late but we can't give in all the time, shes just going to keep doing this"
But the wife won out and she gave the phone to DD

Message edited 10/12/2018 2:31:06 PM.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I could go either way on the stroller. I do think 4.5 is a bit old to use a stroller.

As for the phone, if thats the only thing that gets you out the door in the morning I agree with your wife. I let my DD watch tv and eat breakfast in the living room because I have to get ready and don’t need interruptions. 20 minutes a day of anything isn’t going to hurt anyone.

I will say if DH fought me on it and offered to take her to school I’d say “k, bye” and be out the door and wouldn’t care what he did or did not give her once I was gone.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I don't mind the phone I mind the tantrum.
Heck in the morning we usually let them eat breakfast in front of the tv.
If DD asked for the phone and we said no, and if she was ok with it, then I would have no problems giving her the phone next time or even a few minutes later.

I don't like the fact that she throws a tantrum then we give in, that is just re-enforcing the behavior.

My mother was out of town for awhile, so my wife and the kids stayed with my mother in law (so she could watch my son during the day).
And when my wife went home with DD they would pass by the 99 cent store and DD wanted to go in. They had to go in everyday or else DD would sit on the sidewalk and scream and cry.
I told my wife she has to not give in or else DD will always do that.

Isn't it the same thing when they are babies? If the moment they cry you rush over, they are just learning that the more they cry the more they get picked up.
Just like if you do Cry it out (which we did not =/ ) then they say if you go back into the room then you kind of ruin all the progress and you sort of have to start over.

Of course my mother said its ok. She said DD and DS are still young. When they get older we can explain it to them and they will understand.
Of course the behavior might be ingrained by then.

But...who knows.

Message edited 10/12/2018 2:49:36 PM.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

Would your DD be ok if she had a scooter? I see a lot of kids in the city who are about that age on them.

My 6.5 year old still asks for the stroller if there is a lot of walking so it’s a normal thing.

And I would give the phone in the morning as well. Anything that makes drop off easier and bearable.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

The issues with a scooter is:
1. We have to leave it outside the school the whole day since my wife goes to work directly from the school (can't bring the scooter home) / my mom can't carry the scooter to the school to pick DD up since she has to push the stroller

2. Hard to catch her if she scoots into the street or into someone if my mom is pushing the stroller

I don't mind giving her the stroller....in fact when the 4 of us go out, I'm the one who always says "I'm bringing a stroller for DD" and my wife is always like "DD is old enough to walk"
I don't mind the stroller, I don't like the tantrum and us giving into the tantrum.

=/

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

DS stopped using the stroller at that age and started using a scooter. If he got tired I pulled the scooter with him standing up on it, but I only have one DC, so it was easier. At that age they get tired and more after school and park, and time in the park is better than be at home watching tv for hours. So in that case, I don't see anything wrong with the new stroller.

The iPhone is a different story (added to what you said about the 99c store). If she is ready to go and have some minutes extra, I don't think there is nothing wrong playing with the phone. But if you are in a rush and she is not ready, and there is no time for it, and she cries and you give in, then I would say yes, that is enabling her behavior.

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I think it's a good idea to have the stroller option in the city. I don't think letting her ride or carrying her when she is tired is the same as giving in to a tantrum.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I think the stroller is a good idea. Maybe she is tired and that is whyshe is having a tantrum. Both of my boys were too tired to walk like that st the end of the day. Good luck :)

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

i actually like the stroller idea... from a different perspective.

i'm the slightly nervous mom and would rather have my kid close to me (in/on the stroller) than walking next to me... where someone can get too close to my child.

i would buy it for safety reasons more than any other reason.
i wouldn't see it as giving in to a tantrum.

as far as the tantrum at the end of the day... after school and after the park... i don't see it as an issue. how many adults don't we all know who get frustrated after a long day. i think she's just tired and is still too young to completely cope with the fact that she has the not-so-fun task of walking all the way home once she's burned off all her energy.

which brings me back to safety. i would rather have her on the stroller than having a tantrum on the street and refusing to move while i'm walking ahead with the smaller child.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I think the new stroller is a great idea! I would prefer that she is close by. You're right about worrying about her shooting too far. But they do fold up. They fit in the basket of the stroller.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I think the new stroller is a good idea. I honestly give you credit for lasting this long without. They still get tired at 4.5 and honestly, if you ever need to get out of a place in a hurry, you'll be glad you have it. I wouldn't look at it as enabling a tantrum, I think it's just good to have regardless.

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I think having a stroller that both can use at the same time is totally fine. It’ll come in handy, I don’t think it’s spoiling her with the stroller because there might be times when it’s actually literally too much walking for both kids. You don’t have to let her on it every day, she can still walk short distances, but I’d ahes sick or tired it’s a great option. But the phone thing is definitely encouraging brattiness so I wouldn’t give it to her at all if she whines. I tend to be very anti-phone for kids so that’s why I feel that way & I’m pretty strict about certain things.

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

Consistency is key and both of you must be on the same page. You are right and your wife is setting your DD up for failure. I know it is easier to give in to DD, and you dont want to be late, but honestly, I would get her a scooter. It will make going to the park more fun. I can see a 4 year old wanting to be in a stroller, but you are setting her up for failure by being push overs.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I have a 4.5 year old and I still use a stroller- especially when we are in the city. There is no way I would be able to have my daughter on a scooter while pushing a stroller. She would definitely either end up in the street or run someone over. Personally,I would get a double stroller over the sit/stand stroller. I watched my nieces fight and cry over the sit/stand stroller.
As for the iPhone and 99 cent store behavior, the tantrums are never going to stop if you give into her. You and your wife need to come up with a consistent plan that you can both keep in place. Children need clearly defined limits and expectations. Today she is crying over playing with an iPhone but you are setting her up for failure by allowing her to get her way when she throws a fit. You are teaching her when mommy and Daddy day “NO” I need to throw a fit to get whatever I want- trying in a 4.5 year old but picture that in 10 years if you keep reinforcing this behavior

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I'd keep the stroller. I have a 4.5 year old and we rarely use a stroller unless we know we will be walking a lot. I can see how at the end of a long day, she probably is tired and in that situation a tantrum is normal. Many days my son just wants to veg out in front of the TV to relax after a "long" day at daycare. Heck, I want to do the same thing after a day at work!

As for the iPhone, I think it all depends on the situation. I personally never give my son my phone. Ever. He used to whine about it nonstop, but once he realized that I was not giving in, he gave up.

What is she doing with the phone? Watching shows, playing games? It might be beneficial to offer an alternative. I let my son watch TV in morning cause honestly it makes my morning a lot smoother. As for games, I make him do puzzles, matching games (for letter and number recognition), and go fish.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

I agree with some of the PP. I dont think getting a new stroller is giving in to the tantrum. I honestly think i would have bought one on my own accord prior -- Being in the city is a lot of walking. My son comes out of school looking like a zombie and he gets 12 hours of sleep. They are exhausted. I think giving her the option of walking or standing on the "sit and stand" part of the stroller is a good thing to do.
As for the iphone in the morning i agree with PP that said if she has time and has done everything you've asked her to do (brush hair, teeth, get dressed, eat etc) then i see nothing wrong with it.
Sometimes kids get upset, just like adults. I wouldnt give in on everything and anything (like the 99 cent store -- nope!) but on the stroller yep.

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

You need to determine WHY your daughter is crying over wanting to sit in the stroller.

If she is genuinely tired and that is the root of it, then by all means buy the stroller.

If she is crying because she wants what her brother has/wants to be babied/or just isn't accepting NO, then do not buy the stroller.

Being tired after a full day of school at 4.5 is not unheard of, but it could be behavioral. You'll need to test it out.

As for the phone- you and your wife are being very inconsistent and actually treating a child this way reinforces the tantrum. You and your wife need to decide whether or not your daughter has the privilege of using the phone. If it's no and you follow through, she'll likely carry on for a few days and then she'll figure out it's pointless.

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

She's 4.5, she just had a full day of school and then played at the park. She's tired, let her stand on the stroller and ride back. If I had done all that and then someone told me I had to walk 6 blocks, which btw is probably the equivalent of 20 blocks for an adult, I'd probably hail a cab.

Wrong to buy a new Stroller?

So we got the new stroller.

My mother in law and mother (they take turns) pick up DD from school. But they need to bring DS along.

So we got one of those strollers where you sit in front and then the kid in back can either stand or sit.

The stroller is too heavy for mom/mother in law to use so they will continue to just use the single person stroller.
My wife will use the stroller when I am not around on the weekend which is rare so that means the stroller will sit in the closet 95% of the time
=/

Oh well.

But my wife did take both kids out on it this weekend (I had to go to my parents) and both kids were arguing about sitting in front, neither wanted to sit in the back
=/

Re: Wrong to buy a new Stroller?