STM Emotions

So I am going to have my second in the fall when my DS will be under 2. This pregnancy was a (welcomed) surprise, and we feel blessed beyond measure. The only thing is, I am having trouble envisioning two because I am obsessed with my DS. I mean he is my world and I am struggling with how I could feel the same way about another baby, how another baby could be as perfect (in my eyes) as he is to me. Like will I feel the same way about another baby, etc. Everyone I ask says your capacity to love grows, you will love them equally, and that your relationship with each child will be different. Just curious if anyone else felt this way when you were expecting #2, or if I am being nuts? I am sure as soon as she is born I will be in love with her like I am with DS. I am an only child too, so I feel the concept is even more difficult to grasp.

STM Emotions

I'm an only child also. My kids are 3 years apart. I had the same exact feelings as you!! Everyone is right- you just love them both equally. Your heart grows. Once that baby is in your arms you will completely get it.

Edit to add I think it's an only child thing. I couldn't even fathom having a second for a long time. All my other friends that come from bigger families couldn't wait to add to their families while I was freaking out over having another.

Message edited 6/26/2017 3:35:46 PM.

STM Emotions

I come from a large family and had the same feelings. Yes, your heart grows and you love them equally yet differently at times. Your time with the new baby will never be the same as the time you had with your first... and your relationship with your first will change a bit. But the amazing thing is seeing the relationship between the two children and what that brings to the family.
I love my baby soooo much -- but i wont lie. Once in a while i still think of things the way they were just the 3 of us. But i cant imagine not having my new baby in my life.

Re: STM Emotions

I didn't feel this way when I was pregnant, but I did for a short time after i had DC2. I was just so in love with DC1 and had that bond for 2 years and I worried that I wouldn't get to the same place with DC2. Well, 2 years later and I can assure you that it's not the case!

I love both of my children SO MUCH. It did take me a little time to feel as bonded to my second, but it didn't last long. I think with any newborn, they don't talk or smile or give you much emotion, so it's always a one-sided relationship at first. But I promise you, you will be as "obsessed" with your second child as you are with your first. Give yourself time, but it will definitely come!

STM Emotions

Yes, I spent a good deal of my pregnancy crying and worrying about this same exact thing. I was convinced it was not possible that I could love DS2 as much as DS1. Well here I am two years later and DS2 is the light of my life. While I may like one more than the other some days (lol) I can honestly say I love them both equally.

Re: STM Emotions

Totally normal. I was there with you... mine were 18 mo apart.
It's really cool how it works: you just live more people more than anything in the world.

Re: STM Emotions

Yes, I felt the SAME EXACT way as you, and I had even struggled with miscarriages in between DD1 and DD2. Even so, when I finally got pregnant and it stuck, I felt a pang of guilt and stress over how it could be possible that another child could cut into some of that love I had for my first child. I felt like I was ruining her life!

When I struggled with those feelings, I reminded myself that for all the negatives that come with a second child for the first child (split attention, etc.) that the gift I was giving them - a sibling - made up for it and then some. I wound up having a complicated pregnancy and seeing how devastated I was about the thought of losing her solidified how deeply I loved my second. And now, not only do I love her as much as my first, but seeing them together and the bond they have is literally the greatest thing ever. Nothing makes me as happy as seeing them hold hands or hug or play together, and hearing my older daughter talk about how much she loves her sister. And for my younger daughter, the sun rises and sets on my older daughter. She adores her.

Give yourself time - you couldn't have known how much you would love your oldest child until you had him/her. And look at how it is now. It will be the same way. You will absolutely love your baby the same way and it will take nothing away from the first.

Re: STM Emotions

There's always more room in your heart for another child. Your love will even grow for your older child as you watch the sibling bond and interaction. You may love them equally, but differently as their personalities develop. You may also have a different relationship with each of them as they grow. I wouldn't worry. You'll have plenty of love for both of your kids.