I'm tired of everyone!

My DH talked to his parents last night and told him the 2 dates we were thinking about. One for having the Baptism on LI and the other for having it here to see what they thought. The church in NY only does is on the 3rd Sunday every month, and down here it's every mass. For NY it would of been 11/19 and down here it would of been 12/3. Well, he found out the reason why the Godparents can't come down is because of work obligations which is fine I understand. But now my IL's are saying they can't go to NY on that date because the week before they're going to a shower so they don't want to drive 2 weekends in a row to NY. They live in MD, it's about a 5 hour drive. I know it stinks to have to do that, but come on this is for your Grandson!!! My MIL also went on and told my DH about how they can't make it to Maine to celebrate my DH's cousins Bar Mitzfah. I know their family too, but this isn't as far and we don't ask much from anyone. She also went on to tell my DH that she'll look into MD so we can have it there, then people will come. I DON'T THINK SO!!! MD has no significance for us. Why the he// would I want to have it there? So they don't have to travel? We were willing to drive during winter with 2 little one's, spending $150 on gas and tolls, not sure if we even have somewhere to stay, etc. and they're still complaining. Then she told my DH that if we wait until after the holidays then more people will go to it. How will that make a difference? We still can't afford everyone that would be going in NY? And the Godparents said they can't come down because of work obligations so how does that change anything by having it after the holidays?

For one, we don't know what money we will have then, which could be good or bad, if I wait until after the holidays then I would want to do it right away but it would be prime wintertime and who knows what the snow situation will be up there? I also wanted to have it now because you're suppose to do it when they're little, and I wanted Connor to wear Caiden's Baptism outfit.

My DH is now wanting to go along with whatever his mommy thinks!!! If we do decide to have it down here on 12/3 my MIL said no one will come. How upsetting is that? It probably wouldn't even be 10 people. I know it's about the Baptism, but it's also about loved one's praying and being there for the baby as well. But, I'm sick and tired of accomodating everyone else. Everybody does everything for everyone else except us and I'm just tired of it. My DH and I were fighting about it last night. Well, really I was since he thinks he's right. At this point I don't care if anyone comes, but it would be quite lonely sitting on the reserved pews when there's no one else to sit on them with you.

Would you rather not have anyone there or wait until after the holidays to make everyone else happy?

(Sorry so long... the drama just won't end!)

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

I would have it in NC. Less stress for you. Whoever wants to come will come. Don't worry if it's small. As long as you, DH and your boys are there, it will be fine. Your MIL won't be happy unless it's in her backyard. Save the money and the stress and have it local.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

I'd rather have it when and where it works for me and my kids, but having a lot of people around seems important to you, so I think you would be happier having it when more people can go. I've had family members skip out on events for the kids and I've told them that they didn't hurt my feelings, it's the kids who are going to be hurt in the future and see pictures with them missing.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

Personally, I would just have the baptism by you and whoever comes comes. I wound't travel around with 2 kids in December to accomadate everyone else and make your life h*ll in the meantime.

If you have to, have him baptised by you and then you can always have a party for him in the spring in NY.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

I'm sorry your family is being so $ucky!

This is what I would personally do:

See if the church in NC allows a "proxy" to stand in for the Godparents that cant' make it. Tell your parents and ILs when it will be and if they can come, they come, if not then you will still have a nice time with you and DH and your two beautiful children.

I would not stress myself out just to please others. If they WANT to be there, then they will. IMHO, not to add fuel to your fire, but MIL has a very LAME excuse that she is going to a SHOWER the week before. As you said, this is you're grandson for G-d's sake!

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

Posted by Kate

I would have it in NC. Less stress for you. Whoever wants to come will come. Don't worry if it's small. As long as you, DH and your boys are there, it will be fine. Your MIL won't be happy unless it's in her backyard. Save the money and the stress and have it local.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

Posted by Kate

I would have it in NC. Less stress for you. Whoever wants to come will come. Don't worry if it's small. As long as you, DH and your boys are there, it will be fine. Your MIL won't be happy unless it's in her backyard. Save the money and the stress and have it local.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

Posted by monkeybride

Posted by Kate

I would have it in NC. Less stress for you. Whoever wants to come will come. Don't worry if it's small. As long as you, DH and your boys are there, it will be fine. Your MIL won't be happy unless it's in her backyard. Save the money and the stress and have it local.

I agree

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

First of all

I know I don't post very much on here but I figured I'd put my 2 cents into this for what is worth.

When we had DD baptism, my husband and I fought about where to have it.

We live in W. Babylon and to me it was logical to have it in the town we live.

He grew up in Merrick and wanted to have it at his "old church" (not that he ever attends that church or church in general on a regular basis)

My feeling is this: To me the logical place is to have it in a church where the child will be attending. Have it where he/she will recieve their "instruction" when they get older.

Now I know that there are no guarantees that I will live in W. Babylon for the rest of my life but to me that is the logical thing to do is have it here.

I know you are upset, that family is being so difficult. It sux!

But IMHO, the baptism is to introduce the child to the church, religion, etc.

Yes it would be nice to have everyone there to celebrate this important occassion, but if they are being so difficult and so selfish why would you want them there in the first place?

just my 2 cents.....

Good luck and remember what ever you decide you and your husband decide try to enjoy the day!

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

Thanks everyone!!!

It would be A LOT easier to have it here and just go out to dinner afterwards and not worry about everyone else. I'm tired of the excuses from everyone. It's not about them!!! What's upsetting me as well is that my DH doesn't see my point and doesn't see why I'm upset?

We can have proxys stand in for the Godparents, but I'm afraid to ask them in case they get insulted and say no, that if they can't be there that they don't want to be the Godparents. I don't know if they would, but it's a possibility.

I have to keep remembering that I'm trying to accomodate people who don't even care less and not even call when we had the baby forget about a card. I just try to make everybody happy, and then I'm always the one who is exhausted and unhappy.

I don't know if my DH will talk to me about it yet since we fought about it last night, but I think we should just do it down here and who comes, comes and we'll go up to LI in the Spring when it's nicer out. I'll send out all the invites to everyone anyway so they can't say that they didn't get one and just go with that.

I'll let you know what he says. And I don't care what anyone else says anymore, even if his parents can't make it, NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

Thanks again ladies!!!

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

Posted by CaidensMommy

Thanks everyone!!!

It would be A LOT easier to have it here and just go out to dinner afterwards and not worry about everyone else. I'm tired of the excuses from everyone. It's not about them!!! What's upsetting me as well is that my DH doesn't see my point and doesn't see why I'm upset?

We can have proxys stand in for the Godparents, but I'm afraid to ask them in case they get insulted and say no, that if they can't be there that they don't want to be the Godparents. I don't know if they would, but it's a possibility.

I have to keep remembering that I'm trying to accomodate people who don't even care less and not even call when we had the baby forget about a card. I just try to make everybody happy, and then I'm always the one who is exhausted and unhappy.

I don't know if my DH will talk to me about it yet since we fought about it last night, but I think we should just do it down here and who comes, comes and we'll go up to LI in the Spring when it's nicer out. I'll send out all the invites to everyone anyway so they can't say that they didn't get one and just go with that.

I'll let you know what he says. And I don't care what anyone else says anymore, even if his parents can't make it, NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

Thanks again ladies!!!

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

I would do what worked best for my immediate family and the godparents.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

You need to forget about all these people and do what is best for your immediate family, removing parents, IL's etc from the equation. Yes, in an ideal world everyone would travel and be in attendance, but that is not looking like the case here. So think about what YOU want for your family and not what will make the extended family happy or increase the number of people in attendance.

If I was you, I'd have it in NC, where you live, where your children will grow up, at the church they will attend, etc.

Just make the decision, tell people when it will be, send out invitations and those that will come, will come.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you now have two children and the priority should be what works best for you and your family.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

We had Jack's in Florida, we did it around his Godparent's schedule and my husband's deployment schedule. We ended up picking the July 4th weekend of 2005 and so many people complained but in the long run those that did come had a blast and it was small and a nice little backyard party.

My input would be forget about your inlaws and have it in NC. I love how the south does it during masses or right after. Jack's was right after the 11 mass and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many parishioners stayed for it to see Jack get christened and welcome him to the parish. I'd rather strangers from the parish whom have know become friends be happy for my son's baptism then angry family members who are just ****** because they have to travel.

What parish in NC are you looking into? I know my parents parish is really friendly. And if you need a proxy Roman Catholic Male. Jack's Godfather lives by you.

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

So sorry you have to dela with all this hon.....if you have it in my and no one comes,let me kinow and samantha and I will come!

Re: I'm tired of everyone!

I had the same problem with my inlaws and I did it my way and let my inlaws complain they live upstate and I had the baptism in January and MIL said its gonna snow w ell I had a huge snow storm that day but I continued with everything and didn't care I still had a lot of people show up. No one else complained but the inlaws thats was it and DH wanted to change it till spring and I siad nope no way no how am I going to wait till my child is 8 or 9 months old to baptise her I did it my way and whoever showed showed I still do that now with my daughters birthday parties

You have to do whats best for you and your family who cares if they show if not who cares you and your husband and your family is there and as far as having proxy's if the real godparents dont' like that idea then screw them and make the proxxy's the real godparents

can't please everyone