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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Birthday Party
We received an invite to a 1st bday in June. It is at a restaurant. DS is 5 1/2 and ASD. Restaurants are hit or miss with him on a good day when he wants to go. Being as this is a completely new environment and he is going to know no one there it will be an even more stressful time for him, causing me and DH to have an unenjoyable time. I have never been to the restaurant online it does not seem like a child friendly environment. How do I RSVP?
I do not think the parents would understand my concerns and feel that I am expected to be there. (this is family)
Message edited 4/26/2017 1:20:48 PM.
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Posted 4/26/17 1:15 PM  |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
A few things would factor into my decision.
How close are you to the people?
Can just one of you go instead of all?
You say that the people inviting you wouldn't be understanding to your concerns, but can you tell them you're worried that DS may have issues while he's there and make a request that you perhaps be seated on the outskirts of the party, or near the end of a table etc so if need be, you can leave?
I can't imagine someone being unreceptive to that request.. And if they don't understand, then why would you want to go out of your way for them?
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| Posted 4/26/17 1:24 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Birthday Party
Like pp said, it would depend on the relationship with the hosts. Family or very close friend I would be more likely to try to make it work. Acquaintance, coworker, distant relative I might just decline. It is a 1st birthday so I would guess there are other kids and they will have kid friendly activities or entertainment and that they won't expect kids to sit at a table for hours on their best behavior.
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| Posted 4/26/17 1:39 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Birthday Party
You make up an excuse.
Sorry, we have another obligation that day.
Period the end.
I don't feel the need to go to every party I am invited to
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| Posted 4/26/17 1:58 PM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
I have a son around the same age with severe ASD. If I think that he will not be able to tolerate the environment then I just say I am sorry we cannot make it. There is no need to give an excuse. People should understand.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:28 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
No excuse needed, you're unable to attend.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:52 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Birthday Party
It is a my brother's son. But I have no relationship with him. I have not even been allowed to hold him yet. My brother is my son's godfather and they do attend his bday party when I hold it at home. (if it is out it is kids only).
Best case scenario I could attend alone without DH and DS.
Message edited 4/26/2017 2:58:57 PM.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:57 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
Do you want to go? Will you just go by myself. I have no problem leaving my kids home so if I wanted to go and DH didn't I would RSVP that I would only be going.
If none of us wanted to go I would just say we can't make it sorry and move on.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:02 PM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by NervousNell
You make up an excuse.
Sorry, we have another obligation that day.
Period the end.
I don't feel the need to go to every party I am invited to
Yup. 
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:03 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by blu6385
Do you want to go? Will you just go by myself. I have no problem leaving my kids home so if I wanted to go and DH didn't I would RSVP that I would only be going.
If none of us wanted to go I would just say we can't make it sorry and move on.
I have social anxiety. We do not know any one that will be attending. Attending alone would be unbearable for me.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:03 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by jamnmore
Posted by blu6385
Do you want to go? Will you just go by myself. I have no problem leaving my kids home so if I wanted to go and DH didn't I would RSVP that I would only be going.
If none of us wanted to go I would just say we can't make it sorry and move on.
I have social anxiety. We do not know any one that will be attending. Attending alone would be unbearable for me.
Decline.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:29 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Birthday Party
It's your nephews first birthday if I am reading that right. I can't imagine not going at least by yourself if you don't think your son will be able to handle it. I also can't imagine if this is your family how you won't know anyone at the party
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:47 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by jamnmore
Posted by blu6385
Do you want to go? Will you just go by myself. I have no problem leaving my kids home so if I wanted to go and DH didn't I would RSVP that I would only be going.
If none of us wanted to go I would just say we can't make it sorry and move on.
I have social anxiety. We do not know any one that will be attending. Attending alone would be unbearable for me.
i'm sorry, this sounds like you have other issues behind this situation as well then.
this is your brothers son, your nephew and you've only been allowed to hold him once?
if this is your family, you won't know anyone else there?
will declining cause a big issue with your brother?
if not, then don't go.. it sounds like you don't want to
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:54 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by JandJ1224
It's your nephews first birthday if I am reading that right. I can't imagine not going at least by yourself if you don't think your son will be able to handle it. I also can't imagine if this is your family how you won't know anyone at the party
Because I am the only person invited from my family. It is a tough situation indeed. At their wedding I knew the people only sitting at my table (5 people including myself). At the baby shower I knew 1 person. My family is not invited to be a part of their family. It's complicated
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| Posted 4/26/17 4:36 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by Otherme
Posted by jamnmore
Posted by blu6385
Do you want to go? Will you just go by myself. I have no problem leaving my kids home so if I wanted to go and DH didn't I would RSVP that I would only be going.
If none of us wanted to go I would just say we can't make it sorry and move on.
I have social anxiety. We do not know any one that will be attending. Attending alone would be unbearable for me.
i'm sorry, this sounds like you have other issues behind this situation as well then.
this is your brothers son, your nephew and you've only been allowed to hold him once?
if this is your family, you won't know anyone else there?
will declining cause a big issue with your brother?
if not, then don't go.. it sounds like you don't want to
You are correct I don't want to go and there are other issues as well. I have never held my nephew , not allowed. I was not allowed to go see them when he was born. The only time I have been allowed is when he was about a month old. I did not hold him and I was basically asked, so when are you leaving, in the nicest way possible.
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| Posted 4/26/17 4:39 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Birthday Party
In all honesty I do not want to go. Given the family dynamic it will not be a good time for me. But I am willing to put that aside for my son and his cousin. I want them to have a relationship and I will not do anything to prevent that from happening. I am just concerned about the environment. And I don't want them to have to pay for us if we need to suddenly leave, which has happened to us before. I also have cancelled last minute for events because my son was having a bad day and that is not fair to the hosts either.
Message edited 4/26/2017 4:46:13 PM.
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| Posted 4/26/17 4:45 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Birthday Party
Posted by jamnmore
In all honesty I do not want to go. Given the family dynamic it will not be a good time for me. But I am willing to put that aside for my son and his cousin. I want them to have a relationship and I will not do anything to prevent that from happening. I am just concerned about the environment. And I don't want them to have to pay for us if we need to suddenly leave, which has happened to us before. I also have cancelled last minute for events because my son was having a bad day and that is not fair to the hosts either.
It honestly sounds like you're just being invited out of obligation or to get a gift - it doesn't sound like they care if you're there or not 
the boys are 5 and 1.. the 1 year old won't know if you and your son are there or not, right?
So, don't go, don't sweat it
But if you do want them to have a relationship, then work on getting together with that family at other times where they boys can interact and play together. At a party at a restaurant, they wouldn't have much together time anyway
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| Posted 4/26/17 5:04 PM |
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