Baptism woes...

I just don't get it! Why will everyone travel to MD for SIL's events, but no one will travel down here to NC for anything for us? Since nobody will travel here, we had our Engagement party, wedding, Baby Shower and 1st son's Baptism all on LI to accomodate everyone because everyone complained about coming down here. But how come when my SIL has her wedding and Baby Shower in MD everyone will go there. I know there's an additional 3.5-4 hrs worth of driving to NC, but come on already!!! For once you would think that they would make the trip for us, but of course not! We just asked the people who we wanted to be the Godparents to be the Godparents and they are honored, but they say that they can't come down here because it's too much with the holidays coming, getting airfares (because they don't drive), a hotel, etc., but if we were to do it in NY they would be more than happy to be there. I understand it being a bit more for everyone to come here, but just once I would like for someone to show that we're important enough. It's really hard to watch everyone treat us differently than my IL's. It really hurts. Why are we not as important? We want to have the Baptism in NY, but we just can't afford the after party. It's just not possible especially with my DH losing his job. Why doesn't anyone seem to care? Maybe it's just me. I guess I'm just asking too much from everyone. I was thinking that maybe if we paid for the Godparents to come here they would come, but it's going to be too expensive for us, and they probably wouldn't come still.

Anyway... unless we have it in NY we are back to not having anyone as Godparents, and our son will not be Baptized. Sorry, I guess I needed to vent again! Thanks for listening!

Message edited 10/10/2006 9:13:17 PM.

Re: Baptism woes...

That s*cks! Listen, I have relatives who grumble at driving from one end of Nassau to the other because its "way out on the Island" (NAssau/Suffolk border) so I can picture your scenario all too well. But I would imagine it is alot easier to bring the baby to the crowd rather than the crowd to the baby. My SIL is giving birth any day in St Louis and they know they are having the baptism in NY b/c its going to be impossible for everyone to go if its there. I do feel your disappointment though, I cant say that I wouldnt feel the same. Im sure it doesnt mean no one cares about your family or your son.

Re: Baptism woes...

Of course I don't know your family so I can't give you an answer, but maybe it's b/c she is having events in MD and not giving them another option. could be that since you've had so many things on LI that they've come to expect you to accomodate them. But it stinks that you have to go through that. Sorry.

Re: Baptism woes...

I'm sorry you are going through this . What if you have your inlaws, your parents and the godparents out for a bunch or dont have a party, maybe just some hourdvous and coffee and cake at a family members house (maybe one of the godparents). I am sure we can help come up with a solution for you.

Re: Baptism woes...

Re: Baptism woes...

Is there anyway to keep the after party super simple? At someone's house with stuff from Costco (they do lots of party trays and have great appetizers) Or what about no after party? I mean the main thing is the baptism and not the party so why not just have him baptized and that's it?

Re: Baptism woes...

Re: Baptism woes...

My sister lives in Oregon & I went to EVERY occasion. When it came to my sister being Fiona Godmother I didn't ask her until she booked her tickets. I didn't want it to be the reason she was coming. (sounds weird I know) I was just tired of being the only one giving in that realtionship.

Do you have ANY close friends in NC? If yes I would ask them. I wouldn't not baptize my child. I'm pretty sure even 1 person can be a Godparent.

I can't understand people not traveling for a special occasion.

Re: Baptism woes...

That's the problem... we don't have any close family left on LI that will be willing to let us do that.

What's upsetting is that the person who was suppose to be the Godmother, when we asked her, she was soooo excited and so honored, etc. She even said that if we were to have the Baptism up on LI that we could have the party at her house to make it affordable for us. Well, that changed a few hours later when she talked to her DH when he got home from work. She called back and all of a sudden coming down here was a problem, and she didn't say anything about having the party at her house. I even tried to bring it up to see if she was still for that, and she basically said she doesn't have any ideas on what we can do for the party. I guess the DH didn't want to do it... I don't know. The thing is that this couple is my DH's Godparents so I thought for sure it would work out great. Guess I was wrong.

Out of everyone we know, no one is Catholic. They're all Baptists. That's the problem we're having... we can't find a confirmed male.

Thanks for the ideas ladies, I appreciate it!

Re: Baptism woes...

Are your parents willing to come. Maybe you could ask them to be the Godparents. Do you have any siblings? If so maybe they can be the Godparents. Forget your IL's at this point but how about your immediate family.

It's not the same distance but I understand how you feel because my IL's that live out in LI never want to come into Queens. It has to be an occasion. Yet DH and I used to go out to them and visit with them and their kids. They couldn't do the same for us. When we had our DS, his whole family came but one of his brothers never came to the house once we were home. He saw him a week before DS's christening on Sunday because it was one of DH's niece's birthday. So from June-September this one brother never came to the house but yet when they get new furniture they will constantly call us to go to their house and see it...so annoying!

Re: Baptism woes...

Sorry you are having a hard time with this. I can understand the time/expense issue of traveling this time of year. Budgets are always tighter around the holidays. If you wait until next spring do you think things will be different for the proposed Godparents?

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I don't have any advice. What I would do is say screw you, and don't have anything. But, you said the Godparents won't even come down. Is there someone who will be around that can be the godparent? Any friends in NC?

Re: Baptism woes...

That's the problem...

We don't know anyone else who is confirmed... even family members.

Re: Baptism woes...

maybe plan a bit later- like baptize when he was 6 months old? After the holidays, maybe then it would be finacially easier all the way around. If not I would just baptize him anyway without everyone -does there have to be godparents? I know that I dont even really speak to mine so it could be anyone really.

Re: Baptism woes...

Posted by CaidensMommy

That's the problem...

We don't know anyone else who is confirmed... even family members.

Re: Baptism woes...

I know I should know this after all of my years in Catholic school, but are Godparents required to be there? If I was in your shoes, I would not travel to NY for these people and have a nice intimate baptism for Connor with your DH and Caiden. So what it is not a big party....you really don't need to do have one...no one says a Baptism must be followed by a lavish feast!

If having him baptized sooner than later is very important to you, then do just that. I'm sure if you went to the church and explained that you don't have anyone that will be availble to stand in as godparents at the actual ceremony, they will understand. Then the godmother and godfather that you chose can still take on those roles without physically being at his baptism.

Then maybe in the summer, people will be willing to come visit and you can have a belated party.

I it is important to remember that it is the sacrament of Baptism that you want for your child, not really just a party...you know what I mean?

Re: Baptism woes...

Posted by CaidensMommy

That's the problem...

We don't know anyone else who is confirmed... even family members.

Re: Baptism woes...

Posted by CaidensMommy

That's the problem...

We don't know anyone else who is confirmed... even family members.

Re: Baptism woes...

Re: Baptism woes...

Here are the full on requirements:
To be chosen as a godparent is a special honor. A godparent testifies to the faith and assists the parents and one to be baptized in the faith. Here are some general guidelines and rules taken from Christian Initation, General Introduction, the official praenotanda of the Rite of Christian Initiation.

10. A godparent has to be approved by the judgment of the parish priest (pastor) being qualified to carry out the proper liturgical functions.

10.1. Each candidate may have either a godmother or a godfather or both a godmother and a godfather.

10.2. Those designated must have the capability and intention of carrying out the responsibility of a godparent and be mature enough to do so. A person 16 years of age is presumed to have the requisite maturity, but the diocesan bishop may have stipulated another age or the parish priest (pastor) or the minister may decide that there is a legitimate reason for allowing an exception.

10.3. Those designated as godparents must have received the three sacraments of initiation, baptism, confirmation, and eucharist, and be living a life consistent with faith and with the responsibility of a godparent.

10.4. Those desginated as godprents must also be members of the Catholic Church and be canonically free to carry out this office. At the request of parents, a baptized and believing Christian not belonging to the Catholic Church may act as a Christian witness along with a Catholic godparent.

Re: Baptism woes...

I would ask your priest what can be done in this situation.

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I'm sorry that your family isn't being more supportive. Since you can't find someone to be Godparents in NC, then have the baptism in NY and skip the party. I guess I just don't see what the issue is about the party/dinner... if you can't afford it then don't have one. The baptism is the most important thing IMO. If your family and friends can't understand that things are tough for you financially then s c r e w them. This should be a happy time for your family and it shouldn't be causing you so much stress.

Message edited 10/11/2006 1:20:07 PM.

Re: Baptism woes...

That really sux...I am so sorry that you are having this problem...DH's family never comes up from FL and they haven't been to anything but the wedding. You have to do what's right for you, DH, and DC...your new family...

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I would not cave to the pressure of having a big baptism here if these losers will not accomodate you for one freaking occassion. Have it there and have friends stand in as proxy's for whoever you chose as the actual Godparents. You do not need the added financial and emotional pressures

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How about any good friends that are in NY?