Just need to vent about a friend :-)

so... a friend has a son who is 3.5. he's in daycare full time. Now, i'm a speech therapist... i've noticed that he's behind in a few things ( i don't think i've ever heard him use 2 words together, and if you ask him a question he just kind of looks at you blankly...) BUT i've never said anything, bc its not really my business.
WELL she just posted on FB that her husband went to her son's daycare conference yesterday, and that they said he's behind and doesn't recognize his colors, shapes, letters, and he's behind in speech. THEN she said " BUT i'm not gonna do a damn thing about bc he's THREE!!"
it just irks me that the people who spend all day, every day with young kids are telling you he needs a little boost with certain things, and you're just writing it off? thinking they don't know what they're talking about? it just annoys me!!! LOL
ANYWAY- thanks for listening

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

I think a lot of people are in denial that their child might need some extra help.
Like it's something to be ashamed of or that it means they aren't as smart as the other kids.

Which is obviously very far from the truth. And it's a shame because it does the child a great injustice.

The beauty of early intervention in this day and age is they can intervene early enough to fix anything that might be an issue BEFORE the child goes to school and starts falling behind when it really counts.

It's nothing to be ashamed of

Just need to vent about a friend :-)

They don't want it to be their kid.
I have a friend who posts about her son obsessively lining up his cars in the LR. He doesn't play with them mind you, just lines them up over and over. She thinks it is adorable. I see bells and warning whistles.

There is nothing wrong with getting your child help they need. The only real disservice is done when they don't get the help.
My son entered into EI early and if he had not he would not be anywhere near where he is today.

Just need to vent about a friend :-)

thanks for reading my vent!! LOL yeah... the denial annoys me!!!! especially because of my background, and that i did one of my internships in EI!! the first 4-5 years are SO SO important for a kid, they need any boost they can get! and i mean its not like they're asking her to teach her 3 year old multiplication or engineering concepts or something!! they're telling her he needs to work on basic things like colors and shapes! Just spend 10 minutes of one on one time with your kid and do a puzzle or something! don't just say "oh well! LOL ugh! glad i can vent here and not get into a comment war on FB with her ( she's a pretty close friend that i see a decent amount... so i gotta be careful

Just need to vent about a friend :-)

I think that's really sad for the kid. His parents are doing him a huge disservice. Dd1 was a late walker and the moment she qualified for EI I was in that office filling out the paperwork. It broke my heart that she wasn't keeping up with her peers, but with pt in no time she was all caught up. I would do whatever is needed to help my child.

Just need to vent about a friend :-)

I know someone with an autistic child that wasn't diagnosed till they were 6 because the parents were in denial.

I'm the opposite I have my 3.5 year old enrolled in private speech through my insurance because the district said she's fine and will develop into some of her shortcomings and I don't want her to continue getting frustrated when someone corrects her.

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

Posted by ml110

thanks for reading my vent!! LOL yeah... the denial annoys me!!!! especially because of my background, and that i did one of my internships in EI!! the first 4-5 years are SO SO important for a kid, they need any boost they can get! and i mean its not like they're asking her to teach her 3 year old multiplication or engineering concepts or something!! they're telling her he needs to work on basic things like colors and shapes! Just spend 10 minutes of one on one time with your kid and do a puzzle or something! don't just say "oh well! LOL ugh! glad i can vent here and not get into a comment war on FB with her ( she's a pretty close friend that i see a decent amount... so i gotta be careful

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

I don't get it but it happens so often. My thought is to get your child any help they need with anything as early as possible but so many people live in denial. Are you close enough to ask her why she wouldn't consider the teacher's recommendations?

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

I get not seeing issues in your own kid, I thin that happens often, but being told by his educators that he's showing delays and ignoring it is really sad. Kids can catch up so quickly when they start EI.
Everyone is so caught up in their kid being "advanced" that they ignore issues, and they only one hurt is the kids. It's sad.

Saying something is a touchy subject, it really isn't anyone's business, but it's hard to stand up for a kid that can't stand up for themselves.

Just need to vent about a friend :-)

He sounds very behind for 3 years old. It's sad his parents are in denial, because speech therapy could be so beneficial for him.

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

Posted by chilltocam

Posted by ml110

thanks for reading my vent!! LOL yeah... the denial annoys me!!!! especially because of my background, and that i did one of my internships in EI!! the first 4-5 years are SO SO important for a kid, they need any boost they can get! and i mean its not like they're asking her to teach her 3 year old multiplication or engineering concepts or something!! they're telling her he needs to work on basic things like colors and shapes! Just spend 10 minutes of one on one time with your kid and do a puzzle or something! don't just say "oh well! LOL ugh! glad i can vent here and not get into a comment war on FB with her ( she's a pretty close friend that i see a decent amount... so i gotta be careful

because you are close, could you say something off-line, like "I saw your post and since I have some experience, you might want to just look into this a bit. . . " type of thing? Or would that type of thing completely backfire?

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

I feel like if she's going to put these things out there, she's opening herself up to comments. I'd say it would be one thing if you just happened to observe these things and felt uncomfortable being the one to bring it up, but she KNOWS what's up because she posted about it.

I'd say as her close friend, it's not WHAT you say, it's how you say it. I don't think there's anything wrong with gently suggesting (as someone with experience in this field) that she may want to work on these skills now. See how it's interpreted and if she gets defensive, back off... but I think in the best interest of the child here, if you did want to say something I don't think you'd be wrong- I'd just say it in a nonjudgmental, helpful way.

Just need to vent about a friend :-)

Well, since she made it everyone's business by posting it on FB, I would definitely politely say something.

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

Why don't you tell her to make an appointment with her ped to mention it? It must be bothering her or she wouldn't have mentioned.

This way you stay relative out of it but still do something.

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

Re: Just need to vent about a friend :-)

It's so hard. They are probably in denial right now. My twins started nursery before they were 3 and their teacher suggested 3 weeks in to get them evaluated. I cried a lot. DH and I both said they weren't even 3 yet!!! And we were like it's only been 3 weeks, how could she say that?!?

We started the eval process shortly after and they qualified for everything and went to a special school. It helped them so much and I am so thankful now they are 5.

I just wanted to put it from the perspective of them,because we said stuff like that at first. It was such a slap in the face. I can't describe it unless you've been through it, but no one ever wants to hear something is wrong with their baby even if maybe deep down they suspect something.

As a friend, I would just say something like I am here if you ever want any advice or recommendations, as you know I'm in the field so feel free to pick my brain! Or something like that. That way the ball is in their court.