| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by klingklang77
Thank you ladies for answering!
I've been on the fence to no kids for about forever. DH is the same. Since I lean more towards no, I don't think it would be a good idea.
The idea sounds nice, but I'm not interested in putting in much of the work that goes along with it. You also don't know what you are getting and I don't deal with surprises very well.
I know I must sound like a monster or something is wrong with me, which is what I am made to feel like when people ask if I have kids and I say no I get this "look."
It's an interesting article.
Nope, you definitely don't sound like a monster. And nothing is wrong with you. Don't let anyone make you feel any kind of way for your choice.
We are very happily childfree, always have been. I used to get those "What! Why not!" crazy questions and looks you talk about when nosybodies would ask about us having kids. I learned to easily turn that shit around on people by saying "Oh Hell No why on earth would I want kids!!!" It really does stop people in their tracks and works every.single.time.
Listen I give a lot of kudos to people who have kids, who yearn for kids, who go through hell to have kids. But those that attempt to make those of us who don't have that desire feel inadequate or crazy can kiss my you know what.
|
Posted 9/30/16 10:43 PM  |
| |
|
Loveme
LIF Adult
Member since 6/11 3170 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Mothers who regret having children
I answered I would have been fine with or without them.
Before I met my DH I just assumed I would be CF because I didn't want to get married. I guess I just didn't find the right one yet because I fell hard for my husband. We talked about having kids and I told him I would be ok with whatever happens.
Well I got knocked up 4 months after we were married. I'll be honest, I wish we were more careful and waited because I was NOT ready. Having him turned our whole world upside down. I love him with every ounce of my being but yeah, I sometimes wonder how it would have been if we waited a few years before having kids.
I have to say I am really enjoying reading everyone's story.
|
| Posted 9/30/16 11:20 PM |
| |
|
Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by Mushesgirl
I learned to easily turn that shit around on people by saying "Oh Hell No why on earth would I want kids!!!" It really does stop people in their tracks and works every.single.time.
I've also found the more aggressive or more decisive of an answer you give, the less people will pry or follow-up.
If you just shrug and say "I don't know" or give a sheepish no that means that person is going to keep on pushing and asking questions. If you firmly say "No, not for us" or come out with a joke that you have already in your repertoire then they'll just back off.
For a while depending on the person I would make an anal sex joke, that would shock them and they shut up quick. You just cant say that to Grandma. 
Message edited 10/1/2016 9:50:33 AM.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 9:49 AM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by Blazesyth
Posted by Mushesgirl
I learned to easily turn that shit around on people by saying "Oh Hell No why on earth would I want kids!!!" It really does stop people in their tracks and works every.single.time.
I've also found the more aggressive or more decisive of an answer you give, the less people will pry or follow-up.
If you just shrug and say "I don't know" or give a sheepish no that means that person is going to keep on pushing and asking questions. If you firmly say "No, not for us" or come out with a joke that you have already in your repertoire then they'll just back off.
For a while depending on the person I would make an anal sex joke, that would shock them and they shut up quick. You just cant say that to Grandma.
LOL. All so true.
As I said we waited almost 10 years to have kids after getting married.
I had so many I would use
I also would say- Wow, that's a really personal question. How rude!
That usually shut them up
|
| Posted 10/1/16 10:03 AM |
| |
|
klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11489 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by Blazesyth
Posted by Mushesgirl
I learned to easily turn that shit around on people by saying "Oh Hell No why on earth would I want kids!!!" It really does stop people in their tracks and works every.single.time.
I've also found the more aggressive or more decisive of an answer you give, the less people will pry or follow-up.
If you just shrug and say "I don't know" or give a sheepish no that means that person is going to keep on pushing and asking questions. If you firmly say "No, not for us" or come out with a joke that you have already in your repertoire then they'll just back off.
For a while depending on the person I would make an anal sex joke, that would shock them and they shut up quick. You just cant say that to Grandma.
I'm going to start doing that. I was told once that it was "so sad" that I didn't want kids. Gee, thanks lady.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 10:10 AM |
| |
|
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
I have great respect for a woman who knows what she wants and does not want. I would much much rather someone say, I don't want kids, then to have them and resent them. Kids are not for everyone. I love my children. I have always wanted to be a mom. Having kids can be difficult. I remember three years of sleepless nights. Insanely difficult pregnancy and the resulting health problems for me. Even with all that happened, I am and will always be certain that I made the right choice for me and my dh to have kids. We wanted them and are thrilled to be parents. If you don't want kids that is a perfectly valid choice. I feel badly for people who feel trapped.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 10:36 AM |
| |
|
BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by BaseballWidow
I read that article earlier. I said other for a few reasons. I certainly don't regret having my daughter. I fought for over 4 years to have her and love her more than I ever knew you could love someone.
I could never image a life without kids. However, I was not prepared for having only 1. It's not how I wanted it to be, it's not how I envisioned it to be and it's just weird to me. I feel unfulfilled as a parent, as a woman and mostly feel like a failure to her. So I regret having an only child and if I knew that was going to be the outcome may have thought differently about how I pursued motherhood.
Why do you feel this way? You seem pretty hard on yourself.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 12:17 PM |
| |
|
Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by klingklang77
Thank you ladies for answering!
I've been on the fence to no kids for about forever. DH is the same. Since I lean more towards no, I don't think it would be a good idea.
The idea sounds nice, but I'm not interested in putting in much of the work that goes along with it. You also don't know what you are getting and I don't deal with surprises very well.
I know I must sound like a monster or something is wrong with me, which is what I am made to feel like when people ask if I have kids and I say no I get this "look."
It's an interesting article.
SO here is the thing. People have made you believe that:
1. You are a monster for not wanting kids.
2. Something is wrong with you for not wanting kids.
3. You DESERVE a "look" for not having kids.
I am here to tell you that you don't need to ALLOW other people to make you feel bad, or feel ike a monster.
Who are they? The arbiters of what is right in the world?
There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. My DH and I are in our mid 40's and no kids. We can go out to a restaurant on a moments notice, go out with friends, go see a movie. WE can sleep in every flipping day if we want. I can drunk any night I want, we both can, because we don't need to make sure someone is sober to drive in an emergency. SO ya know what? I don't feel guilty, not for one damn second, that I don't have kids. I have a great life and I don't have to cater to children.
(Of course I am not in ANY way seeing parenthood as bad, just making a point. I respect all parents and what they do to raise great members of society)
So, does that make me bad? Selfish? Monster? Nope. It makes me a women who is living my normal life, just like my neighbor with 2 kids who is living HER normal life.
Nothing is better or worse.
SO don't ALLOW anyone to make you feel badly. You have to give them permission to make you feel badly.
Don't let other people dictate how you SHOULD feel based on THEIR morals.
My morals say live and let live.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 1:11 PM |
| |
|
Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by BaseballWidow
I read that article earlier. I said other for a few reasons. I certainly don't regret having my daughter. I fought for over 4 years to have her and love her more than I ever knew you could love someone.
I could never image a life without kids. However, I was not prepared for having only 1. It's not how I wanted it to be, it's not how I envisioned it to be and it's just weird to me. I feel unfulfilled as a parent, as a woman and mostly feel like a failure to her. So I regret having an only child and if I knew that was going to be the outcome may have thought differently about how I pursued motherhood.
DO NOT be so hard on yourself.
You are no failure, and don't think that way ever.
I bet when your daughter looks at you she smiles. She wants to hug you. Kiss you. She loves when you make her breakfast. She wants mommy when she hurts her knee. She cant WAIT for you to read her as bedtime story. She giggles when you tickle her just "there". She crawls into your bed for morning hugs.
If even one of those things is true you are no failure. In fact I would say you are killing it at the mom thing and your daughter SEES how amazing you are. Giving her a sibling is not success. Only have one kid is not a failure. Having a loving home and a happy life, thats damn successful if you ask me.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 1:18 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by BaseballWidow
I read that article earlier. I said other for a few reasons. I certainly don't regret having my daughter. I fought for over 4 years to have her and love her more than I ever knew you could love someone.
I could never image a life without kids. However, I was not prepared for having only 1. It's not how I wanted it to be, it's not how I envisioned it to be and it's just weird to me. I feel unfulfilled as a parent, as a woman and mostly feel like a failure to her. So I regret having an only child and if I knew that was going to be the outcome may have thought differently about how I pursued motherhood.
You are absolutely not a failure and I am sure your daughter does not view it that way. Having siblings can be a wonderful thing but being an only has its benefits. My daughter loves being an only child- she loves when the three of us do things as a family and she loves the one on one time she gets with both DH and I. She is getting 100% of you and I bet she treasures that.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 4:11 PM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by MrsProfessor
Posted by BaseballWidow
I read that article earlier. I said other for a few reasons. I certainly don't regret having my daughter. I fought for over 4 years to have her and love her more than I ever knew you could love someone.
I could never image a life without kids. However, I was not prepared for having only 1. It's not how I wanted it to be, it's not how I envisioned it to be and it's just weird to me. I feel unfulfilled as a parent, as a woman and mostly feel like a failure to her. So I regret having an only child and if I knew that was going to be the outcome may have thought differently about how I pursued motherhood.
You are absolutely not a failure and I am sure your daughter does not view it that way. Having siblings can be a wonderful thing but being an only has its benefits. My daughter loves being an only child- she loves when the three of us do things as a family and she loves the one on one time she gets with both DH and I. She is getting 100% of you and I bet she treasures that.
Exactly. I am one and done by choice.
And not once have I felt any guilt about that.
DD loves being an only child. She gets 100% of our time and attention and we can afford to give her so much more in life than we could have with more than one.
|
| Posted 10/1/16 4:47 PM |
| |
|
LizD
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/06 763 total posts
Name:
Liz
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
I always wanted children. I come from a big family and it was just in my blood. We did have trouble and started the treatment route IUI, but our hearts were leading us to adopting. We ended up adopting our angel from China. I could not for a second imagine my life without her or going in any other direction.
Message edited 10/2/2016 10:44:59 AM.
|
| Posted 10/2/16 10:42 AM |
| |
|
Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7539 total posts
Name:
DW
|
Mothers who regret having children
Growing up, I was very academically and career driven and said I didn't want kids to interfere with all of my future ambitions.
Then after I got married, I watched a few people that were very close to me suffer from infertility. I figured we should probably start trying. Well, it happened very fast for us and the timing was not the best. Then we had another quickly after (an oops).
I love my children more than anything in the world, but working a stressful job full time and being alone with my 2 boys a LOT due to a DH that works evenings and weekends all the time, is more than I ever bargained for and not at all what I envisioned motherhood or family life to be. :( I do resent my DH for putting his career before mine (he makes more than I do) and I feel that my DH and kids hold me back from being the extremely successful person that I always wanted to be. 
Message edited 10/2/2016 1:36:04 PM.
|
| Posted 10/2/16 1:30 PM |
| |
|
PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7634 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
I do not regret having my son. I will say though that he was a difficult infant which often lead me to think wth did I get myself into. Now he's 2 and I can't imagine my life without him. I have pretty much been able to still be me: I workout regularly, I go out with friends 1-2 times a month.
|
| Posted 10/2/16 5:03 PM |
| |
|
Dani
Life is about choices.
Member since 5/05 6532 total posts
Name:
Dani
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by shadows
Posted by klingklang77
Thank you ladies for answering!
I've been on the fence to no kids for about forever. DH is the same. Since I lean more towards no, I don't think it would be a good idea.
The idea sounds nice, but I'm not interested in putting in much of the work that goes along with it. You also don't know what you are getting and I don't deal with surprises very well.
I know I must sound like a monster or something is wrong with me, which is what I am made to feel like when people ask if I have kids and I say no I get this "look."
It's an interesting article.
This is exactly me. You are not alone in feeling this way!
Not a monster at all! Having kids is not for everyone. Good for you for not giving into the pressure.
And people will say things no matter what. Now that we have one, it's when is the next one. When we say we're not sure about a next one, we get the look.
Then you have those who want many children, they get the look too!
All in all, no one lives your daily life but you two. Yours in the only opnion that matters. 
ETA: My sister and BIL are child free by choice. People will say to me that I should talk to her about having them that she will regret it. I say, no way! I can't imagine her having kids. But people don't understand that.
Message edited 10/2/2016 9:05:40 PM.
|
| Posted 10/2/16 9:03 PM |
| |
|
Alexandra17
Keep It Positive
Member since 4/09 6262 total posts
Name:
Alexandra (ali)
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
I wish it was a tiny bit more easy
|
| Posted 10/2/16 9:09 PM |
| |
|
MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
|
Mothers who regret having children
I always wanted kids. DS has some special needs, which makes it difficult at times, but my heart is so full being his mother.
That being said, I would never look down on someone who did not want kids. It is not for everyone, and that is their choice.
|
| Posted 10/2/16 9:17 PM |
| |
|
EandF
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 1674 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
I've always wanted three and am now pregnant with my third. I would've done anything medically necessary if we weren't able to conceive on our own. If that didn't work, DH was adamant about adopting, which might have taken me a bit to wrap my head around, but have no doubt we would've done.
That being said, a lot of what I feel has already been expressed. I had no idea parenting would be so difficult or consuming. I worry and am stressed out a lot, about the well being of my kids, money, on and on. Everything, including my career, has taken a backseat. I miss just being able to go out to dinner with DH and I really miss traveling, just the two of us. I do know these are moments in time and I already see how quickly it's going. I know all too well, not vary far off, that I will miss these days of toddler and babyhood. I get overwhelmed and remind myself, that this time will pass before I know.
|
| Posted 10/2/16 9:17 PM |
| |
|
LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by Dani
Posted by shadows
Posted by klingklang77
Thank you ladies for answering!
I've been on the fence to no kids for about forever. DH is the same. Since I lean more towards no, I don't think it would be a good idea.
The idea sounds nice, but I'm not interested in putting in much of the work that goes along with it. You also don't know what you are getting and I don't deal with surprises very well.
I know I must sound like a monster or something is wrong with me, which is what I am made to feel like when people ask if I have kids and I say no I get this "look."
It's an interesting article.
This is exactly me. You are not alone in feeling this way!
Not a monster at all! Having kids is not for everyone. Good for you for not giving into the pressure.
And people will say things no matter what. Now that we have one, it's when is the next one. When we say we're not sure about a next one, we get the look.
Then you have those who want many children, they get the look too!
All in all, no one lives your daily life but you two. Yours in the only opnion that matters.
ETA: My sister and BIL are child free by choice. People will say to me that I should talk to her about having them that she will regret it. I say, no way! I can't imagine her having kids. But people don't understand that.
We get the same reaction. We know we're one and done. I love my DD more than anything on earth and I don't regret having her for a second. But, I'm not doing this again. We have zero help, I work full time at a stressful (and fairly lucrative) job and the thought of complicating our lives even more makes my head spin.
It doesn't help that my SILs are trying to re-populate the earth with the number of children they're popping out. When I say I don't think I have it in me to have another they ask why I don't love being a mom 
|
| Posted 10/2/16 9:50 PM |
| |
|
Dani
Life is about choices.
Member since 5/05 6532 total posts
Name:
Dani
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Dani
Posted by shadows
Posted by klingklang77
Thank you ladies for answering!
I've been on the fence to no kids for about forever. DH is the same. Since I lean more towards no, I don't think it would be a good idea.
The idea sounds nice, but I'm not interested in putting in much of the work that goes along with it. You also don't know what you are getting and I don't deal with surprises very well.
I know I must sound like a monster or something is wrong with me, which is what I am made to feel like when people ask if I have kids and I say no I get this "look."
It's an interesting article.
This is exactly me. You are not alone in feeling this way!
Not a monster at all! Having kids is not for everyone. Good for you for not giving into the pressure.
And people will say things no matter what. Now that we have one, it's when is the next one. When we say we're not sure about a next one, we get the look.
Then you have those who want many children, they get the look too!
All in all, no one lives your daily life but you two. Yours in the only opnion that matters.
ETA: My sister and BIL are child free by choice. People will say to me that I should talk to her about having them that she will regret it. I say, no way! I can't imagine her having kids. But people don't understand that.
We get the same reaction. We know we're one and done. I love my DD more than anything on earth and I don't regret having her for a second. But, I'm not doing this again. We have zero help, I work full time at a stressful (and fairly lucrative) job and the thought of complicating our lives even more makes my head spin.
It doesn't help that my SILs are trying to re-populate the earth with the number of children they're popping out. When I say I don't think I have it in me to have another they ask why I don't love being a mom
Is that a serious question?!! 
|
| Posted 10/2/16 10:07 PM |
| |
|
Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
|
Mothers who regret having children
Meh.
I love my daughter to death and I'm glad I have her
Never want any more. Wouldn't tell anyone they have to have children. I think those without kids are lucky. Those with more than one are heroic. Having a kid is hard. The world is a horrible place. People judge, people hate, people pry. You can't avoid it. Your child will be molded by others no matter how much you try to shield them. You have to defend and let them go all at the same time. It's frustrating and amazing. It's maddening!
If I'm being honest, I think having my daughter is about the only thing that kept me from serious depths of depression and despair after my father's death (and still does) because for her I live to keep my father's memory alive. His humor, his laughter, his love. He was my whole life. Without him in the world my life has been utterly darkened and simply can't be explained. She is the only thing that keeps me waking up in the morning and moving through my day. So I am grateful for her in my life everyday. She is my world.
When people ask why I stopped at one (before ... they've stopped asking now.. I'm too old I guess) I had a thousand logical or snarky responses. It all go so old.
I never understood why my tw@t meant so much to others.
Message edited 10/3/2016 10:19:10 AM.
|
| Posted 10/3/16 10:18 AM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by Xelindrya
I never understood why my tw@t meant so much to others.
|
| Posted 10/3/16 10:24 AM |
| |
|
drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
My feelings about having kids changed a lot over the years. I went from wanting kids to not wanting kids, to having kids. I love having my kids & enjoy raising them & seeing them change & interact together. It adds a dimension to my life that I can't imagine not having now that I have them. But we would have been ok without having kids. If it never happened, DH & I would have just enjoyed each other, traveling, hobbies, etc. But now that I have them, even though I'm constantly exhausted & we don't do anything for ourselves anymore & they made our life harder, I don't regret them existing. They add a lot of fun & love to our lives. But I can totally understand why somebody wouldn't want to have kids & I think that's a totally valid choice.
|
| Posted 10/3/16 7:13 PM |
| |
|
MrsMick
Baby #2 debuts in March 2016!
Member since 9/09 1977 total posts
Name:
Michele
|
Mothers who regret having children
Good topic.
I never wanted kids. I was always independent, going out a lot, shopping for myself, blowing big bonuses and $$$$ handbags- I guess you can say I was kind of selfish. Then DH and I married. Still did not want kids. He did. When I turned 30, the fever kicked in. I was shocked. I got pregnant and she was my world. Going out, buying myself things- even spending time for myself wasn’t even a priority anymore and I was okay with that. We were pretty sure that we would be one and done. But, after V turned 1.5, we wanted another. I got pregnant and hormones messed with me- was depressed. Starting to be incredibly fearful that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Had incredible guilt. 6 months ago, I gave birth to the most beautiful, happiest little girl. She is my world. My family is complete and I can honestly say I do not regret having my kids. They are my priority and everything else is secondary. This is coming from a woman who was once incredibly selfish and having my kids have changed me for the better. ?
|
| Posted 10/4/16 9:24 AM |
| |
|
Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
|
Re: Mothers who regret having children
Posted by BlessedMomma
Posted by BaseballWidow
I read that article earlier. I said other for a few reasons. I certainly don't regret having my daughter. I fought for over 4 years to have her and love her more than I ever knew you could love someone.
I could never image a life without kids. However, I was not prepared for having only 1. It's not how I wanted it to be, it's not how I envisioned it to be and it's just weird to me. I feel unfulfilled as a parent, as a woman and mostly feel like a failure to her. So I regret having an only child and if I knew that was going to be the outcome may have thought differently about how I pursued motherhood.
Why do you feel this way? You seem pretty hard on yourself.
I totally get this! I never imagined just 1. I do some days feel unfulfilled as a parent and failure as a woman b/c at 37 my eggs were too ****** to have any more kids. I went through boughts of anger too b/c im otherwise a healthy person, I never drank, smoked, im not overweight. I know too many women who are all those things and have OOPS babies w/o even trying. I had everything going for me when I started down the road of IVF at 36. Dr's said I had gold standard #'s. But that really wasn't the case.
I learned a lot seeing my naturopathic dr. im short on estrogen; my cholesterol is super low and it has been for years, but regular dr. didnt see that as bad. but it is b/c I cant support my hormones with out it. It is critical in making your estrogen and progesterone. So I went some time not supporting healthy eggs. all the what ifs?? what did I do wrong?? what could I have done or known that would have changed things?
Is DS missing out of the sibling bond?? Its a war I wage in my head quite often.
I do not think though that if I knew in advance that I would only have one if it would have changed my outlook on having kids.
and there are a million bonuses to just having one child. I know this.
|
| Posted 10/4/16 9:37 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
