How do you handle this?

My son started preschool as a sweet, timid, scared little boy. He became friends with some children in the class that are a bit louder, sometimes hit and very defiant. The teacher told me she was noticing changes in him. I picked him up today and she said he is following the other kids, and beginning to hit. He also told her NO when she tried to move him away from a certain group of kids. He is not like this at home, he would NEVER hit around us. I still can't believe he told her no. When I asked what happened he said, I just want to be like X & X (meaning the two rougher kids). On the weekends or days without school he is so timid. I feel like hes becoming a follower and also trying to be cool. He is 4 1/2. I want to do the correct thing as far as redirecting but I am so upset about it....What would you do? Advice? Has this happened to anyone?

Message edited 5/24/2016 12:29:05 PM.

Re: How do you handle this?

Do they do time outs in day care? Similar situation happened to DS - though not as rough as hitting. I happen to be friendly with the other moms. We all told our children that if they had time out in day care, they would get their tablets taken away that night. It took a couple of days to sink in, but they all got it and are now playing much calmer again. Day care had to reinforce the sitting out rule, though, too. At home, the last thing I say before DS goes to day care is be a good listener, no time outs! And when I pick him up, he runs over to me and says, I was good today, no sitting out. He doesn't want to lose iPad privileges. Lol.

Re: How do you handle this?

Re: How do you handle this?

I am going through the same thing with my son. First it was just copying one of his friends with what he likes and things like that. Recently I witnessed someone telling my DS to do something that was wrong and my DS just happily went along and did it. I was livid. He got tv and books taken away from him that night. I spoke to his teacher and she did say she seems some of the copying behavior and his play is rougher like the other boys. No hitting though. Most of the boys in his class have much bolder personalities than him. He is very shy and timid. When he was younger and I took him to library classes he was always watching everyone else and playing on the outside. I have just been reminding him to be his own person and he has to think about what good choices are. My son is around the same age as yours. It is very hard for them to grasp that concept at this age but I think as long as we keep reminding them hopefully it will sink in.

Re: How do you handle this?

Posted by MCD0524

Posted by NYCGirl80

Do they do time outs in day care? Similar situation happened to DS - though not as rough as hitting. I happen to be friendly with the other moms. We all told our children that if they had time out in day care, they would get their tablets taken away that night. It took a couple of days to sink in, but they all got it and are now playing much calmer again. Day care had to reinforce the sitting out rule, though, too. At home, the last thing I say before DS goes to day care is be a good listener, no time outs! And when I pick him up, he runs over to me and says, I was good today, no sitting out. He doesn't want to lose iPad privileges. Lol.

It is so funny you say that! First, the other Mom's don't care as much (more of the boys will be boys). We are all friendly at this point. I work in EI and so I am not OK with his behavior at all, especially since I know its a learned thing. I took away his ipad last time this happened, and he totaly got it. Then we had 2 good weeks, and back to this again.
When I ask him or sit him in time out, he just says, I want to be just like the other kids, they have more friends ....I am at a loss, he keeps saying I am sorry I was a bad boy.
And to make matters worse, as I say this, I feel like I am one of those moms who is blaming it on the other kids and not her own child