What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

I am super stressed and I need help! Can you mommy's and daddy's offer helpful advice? Please bear with me. It's a long post.

My soon to be 4 year old son, has become very aggressive in the last 4 months.
Nothing I am doing is stopping the behavior. I have tried Positive parenting.
I have tried taking toys away, I even had to resort to spanking him because he
went to punch my face while removing him from a restaurant because he was being
too loud and not listening. I have tried a goal board with rewards for certain amount of goals accomplished.. That worked for about a couple of weeks...

I do not know where this is all coming from. It all started in his pre school back in April.

I started him a few days a week last November and then I had to place him
5 days a week in the pre school, because I started working full time again. He was doing great! His teachers complimented all the time on what a lovely boy I have and how well behaved and well mannered his is.

Here is where his behavior changed.

I decreased my work schedule to part time in
April and dropped his pre school days down as well. That is when I started receiving
reports from his school that he was not listening from time to time and had to be placed in time outs for being distracting, or hitting/kicking, yelling or speaking mean to his friends.

I am thinking could it be that he learned this behavior from other kids in his school? It was around that time that I was told by his teacher that some new children had started in his class and she was worried that maybe he was picking up the new behaviors from those certain kids. Which I did bring to her attention after a couple of bad reports and then that same teacher acted like she never told me that. Which was weird.
(I took him out of that school and will be starting him in a new one next week).

I thought maybe he needed more time at home with me, so I took him out of school this
past month to spend more quality time with him. It hasn’t helped. His behavior is really difficult to deal with.

He talks back to me and my husband. He hits me, kicks me and is using his elbow to hit sometimes. I will tell him in a calm voice. It's not OKAY to talk to mommy or daddy that way or It's NOT Okay to HIT.

No matter how many times I tell him calmly to please use his kind hands and gentle hands, he is not
stopping. I get down on eye level with him to talk to him and he sometimes will cover his ears.

There are also the times when he just screams out. He’ll have these yelling outbursts, scream high pitched.

My gut is telling me that he is really testing his boundaries…but this is just crazy and has to end!
Sometimes he will acknowledge what I am saying and will apologize and will give me a kiss, but then 5 minutes later,
he’s back to the same behavior! It’s really exhausting my husband and I.
I am worried and I am always stressed out. I am crying daily because I have exhausted all efforts.

For example: I will be making breakfast for him or getting something out of the fridge or walking to the bathroom and he’s following me and hitting me, pulling my clothes..
It’s making me really edgy. I spend quality time with him. I am not on my phone/computer when with him or have any distractions except for when I have to place an actual phone call to straighten out a bill, etc..
I feel very strongly about that, so I know it’s not that he’s
not receiving any attention.

Just also a little back story: We did just move again to a different place in Florida. We had moved a year and half ago from NY.

He will be going to a new school soon as well. Could it be that he is still adjusting?

Would these changes bring out such aggressive behavior? I really don’t know..but, It HAS to STOP! I also have no family here which is making
my husband and I even more stressed because we don’t have anyone here to give us an hour or two break a week.

Any positive advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Signed,
Super stressed out mommy and daddy :(

Re: What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

It sounds like the routine of school was good for him. It seems a lot of this stemmed when he dropped to part time at school and was home more.

Hopefully when he starts school again and he is going full time things will get better. But it will take time. He will probably act up in the beginning but once he knows his boundaries at school, I bet he will adjust.

I think if you can also get him into something that will help get his energy out that can help too-soccer, gymnastics, whatever.

Hang in there!

What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

That's a ton of change - move to a totally new environment, pt school, ft school, pt school again. He may still be very unsettled.
I would try to establish a daily routine and stick with it. Has he been to the Dr for a check up just to rule out anything that may be bothering him physically that he can't verbalize?

Re: What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

(hugs!!) i agree that its probably just a lot of change for him in the past year, 18 months- like you said. kids like routine... so hopefully when he starts his new school again, he'll get more settled and things will calm down.
is he an only child? my DS is an only (he's 4, too) and i'm also a SAHM. i just feel ike he gets SO SO bored if he doesn't have school and we don't have things to do outside of the house (playdates, activity, etc). he really like being with other kids. so i would maybe get him in some activities like gymnastics (a place by me in NJ has "open play" times for kids under 5), or soccer or karate and then maybe you'll meet some other moms to get together with once in awhile.
could it be a blood sugar thing?? i know my son turns into a beast if he doesn't have some kind of snack every like 2/2.5 hours- its literally like a switch once i give him a little something to eat....
and just wanted to say that i feel for you with the no family in the area thing!!!! my parents are 2 hours away, my ILs are 4.5 hours away- so we have nobody close by that takes him for an hour or so. my younger sister is an hour away and she'll come up once in awhile to watch him-- but she's got her own thing going on so its rare. its definitely tough!!!!! hang in there!!

Re: What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

I understand what you're going through. I felt like I was going to lose my mind last night. DD has been much better today but still talking back. I woke up today with a different attitude. There is obviously something bothering your DS and my DD. I started the day giving tons of hugs and kisses and we watched some tv with her on my lap. She was so much happier with the extra attention. I'm thinking that since we both tried to discipline and that didn't work, we should do the opposite and just love them even more. Compliment him when he does something good and tell him you love him more. Ask him what you can do to make him feel better. This is what I tried today and it worked. It wasn't a perfect day but it was a good day.

Re: What happened to me sweet baby? He's almost 4 and is a terror now! Stressed out MOMMY NEEDS HELP!

I understand what you are doing through, is a hard age combined with lots of change.

I unfortunately don't have advice that would work. Hugs