For those who's parents which their LO's

I was just wondering what protocol is.

For those who's parents which their LO's, if you decide to have a second, do you ask them if they are willing to take on another one or do you just try and see what happens?

Having a conversation with a friend and this came up.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

For our situation, we knew 2 kids would be too much for MIL (who watched DD one day a week). We decided to send DD to daycare once #2 arrived. It was a great decision for us. She was almost 2 and the stimulation/socialization was just what she needed. DD LOVED it from day one.

eta- We did tell MIL our plan and asked if she was ok with it. We never considered having her watch both kids and I don't think she ever offered to. I think we all knew that it was just too much.

Message edited 1/15/2015 10:13:27 AM.

For those who's parents which their LO's

My parents watched my DS full time when I went back to work (it was my first and their first grandchild). My DS was 14M when I went back full time. They did this for almost 2 years and now I have a 2nd. She will be 16M when I return. I spoke to them about what they were comfortable with, and seeing them I think it's too much with the 2 kids full time (even though my DS is in preschool part time). We talked about it and they said they would do 3 days a week, and that will only be 1 day with both kids (my son will be in a full day program 4 days out of the week). I just think at their age (both in their early to mid 60's but in good health) they are tired and have raised their children already. They want to do other things with their time (which I don't blame them). If we were in a position where we could not afford daycare, that would be different.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

My mom watches DS twice a week and he goes to day care 3 days a week. We're expecting #2. I didn't assume my mom would watch both kids twice a week, but she said she wanted to. If, at any point, it gets too hard for her, I told her we will put one or both into day care 5 days a week.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

I mean, everyone is different because everyone's family dynamic is different. My family and I are very close and my family also has a lot going on. My mom watches my son twice a week and he goes to daycare the other three days.

I have a ton of respect for my mom and we have the kind of relationship where, because of that, I would personally feel like I'd have to discuss with her the idea of watching a second child. I would also have to come up with alternatives to present her with if she felt she couldn't. Because, naturally, if she said she felt it would be too much to take on a second, she would feel bad saying so because her first question would be - if I don't do it, what are you going to do? KWIM?

So, I would have a sit down with her and say this is what I'm thinking... if you want to, great, but I'm giving you the choice. If you don't think you can, please don't worry because I looked into a more affordable daycare or whatever.

For me, I'll likely wait until my son is in a cheaper/more affordable full day pre-school. Once he switches to that in ABOUT another year or so, I'll likely be able to think about having a second... affordability-wise, which is what I always consider first and foremost, I have to.

At that point, it'll only be one child to watch again. Still though, I'd ask her beforehand and come up with a plan B if she feels she can't. My mom's not getting any younger, she's retired, she should be able to enjoy her retirement and she has A LOT on her plate due to my brother's injury. So, I have to be UBER considerate.

At least, I always try so hard to be.

That's why I think it depends on the person and their specific dynamic with family members.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

Yes, I openly discussed plans to have another.
I got pregnant very unexpectedly quickly w #2.

2 was a lot for my parents.
We introduced my DH's parents into the mix & then hired a babysitter.

For those who's parents which their LO's

Better to ask... they may only do half week then. And the price of daycare for two part time is alot of money

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

we never had the discussion with my mom...but #2 was a bit of a surprise to us

We told her when we were pregnant and asked her if she would be willing to watch two and told her we understood if she wouldnt. thankfully she said yes and watches dd part time (she is in daycare from 9-1) and watches ds full time.

I think you should think about your needs. if your parents watching both children is the only way you can have a second (for financial purposes or whatever), i would speak to them in advance. But if you will have a second regardless of your parents help with childcare (you are willing to stop working, or able to afford daycare/a nanny), i personally wouldnt mention it in advance. It took us 6+ months to get pregnant with our first, and as much as i love my mom i wouldnt want her asking me monthly or wondering if i am pregnant.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

My parents watch DS, age 3, 3 days a week. I am now expecting #2. We haven't discussed it but in the past my mother has said things like "I don't want to babysit forever; hurry up and have the second already!" so I just kind of understood that she wanted to but now reading everyone else's posts, I'm going to talk to her and make sure.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

It took me a year to get pregnant with DS so I was not about to announce any plans to TTC to anyone but DH. The last thing I needed was outside pressure if it took a while again the second time around.

ILs watch DS four days a week. I know they are not getting any younger so if watching #2 is an issue, we will definitely look into daycare. While it would be great if they could watch both kids I didn't jump into TTC with the assumption that they definitely would.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

My mom watches them 1 day a week. We decided to have another one without asking my mom, but when I was on maternity leave and realized how tough it was with a newborn and toddler I sat my mom down and told her we'd hire someone for that one day. She insisted that she wanted to watch both of them and that she'd let me know if it became too much for her.

I just went back to work and so far she's only had them 1 day but she said it went great. We'll see how it goes from here!

For those who's parents which their LO's

my mom watches my kids 5 days a week. We didn;t ask about the 2nd one but it was well known we wanted 2. once my 2nd came I asked if she needed a break or anything. She never did.

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

I don't remember specifically discussing it with them but they knew we were most likely going to have 2 kids. Also, my son was 4 by the time DC#2 was born and he was in school or camp 3 hrs a day 5 days a week (they watch my kids 3 days a week). And both my parents are there so it's a bit easier to "divide and conquer!"

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

With our DS we had a combo of a SAHM and family watch him, it did help us out a lot. However we knew when the time came when we would have another, it would be too much for our parents, so we didn't really even have the conversation with them about it. My DS is in a school now so they don't watch him anymore but even so, I am currently pregnant with #2, but know that I can't rely on them anymore (my dad is looking to change his work hours, FIL is retired but likes to go on vacations, MIL has off 1 day a week and sometimes she has stuff to do on that day) so I have to put this one in daycare. Calling around and getting prices has been leaving me like

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

It was discussed for a long time beforehand.

My mother knew we would have more than one. She hinted many times that a 3-year age gap was best. For this reason mainly, I did not try to have 2 kids close together in age.

When DC#2 was born, DC#1 was 3.5 yrs old. My parents watch both full time. My older child was in preschool and my father shuttled him back and forth while my mom stayed home with the baby.

The days were LONG and tiring. The first year was hard. But my mother refused daycare as an alternative. We looked into it for both, for one, for part time. She couldn't fathom the prices, nor did she want to put the baby in daycare.

She did say MANY times that two was her limit. My husband agreed, but for different reasons.

Two out of the three parties involved in our child-rearing decision said 2 kids was it, so any hints at a 3rd were quickly shot down!

Re: For those who's parents which their LO's

My mother watches my ds four days a week & my brother watches him one day a week.

I never asked about how the situation will change after I have #2 in the spring. I think it would be too much for her to watch 2 kids full time.

I will be on maternity leave for a while this time I think, maybe even a whole year, I have to see. I'm not rushing back to work as fast as last time. By the time I go back ds#1 will be over 2 and we can put him in a part time preschool type of program near my house so my mom can focus on taking care of ds#2.

We'll figure it out as we go along. We want to have more than the 2 kids and actually childcare hasn't been much of a factor in deciding that. I figure we'll do a combo of daycare or preschool, my mom if she still can, and ultimately I wouldn't mind leaving my job or doing something part time instead if it seemed to be the best way to make things work. I can't predict the future or know what will happen so I'm not worrying too far ahead.