Discipline issue (kinda long, sorry!)

I need some help on handling a discipline issue with my DS who is 3.5. Tonight while giving his brother a bath DS picked off half the candy off the gingerbread house I made and ate it. I really don't care that he ate candy. I'm upset that he waited until I left the room to sneak it and that he ruined something I made.

Basically what I did was send him to his room for a few minutes so I could calm down and then I went and had a talk with him. I told him how upset I was b/c I had worked hard on it and now I would have to throw it out b/c it couldn't be fixed. I then told him he wouldn't get any stories before bed.

This is not the first time he's snuck good when I left the room. Last week he ate his brother's entire waffle of his high chair tray while I was in the bathroom. I knew DS2 couldn't have eaten that fast so when I asked DS1 he admitted it. In that case, I told him that wasn't nice and that if he wanted a waffle he just had to ask. I did not give him any punishment or consequence that time.

Anyway, my question is how would you handle this?

Re: Discipline issue (kinda long, sorry!)

I would have a discussion about sneaking in general and sneaking food specifically. I would ask him how would he feel if someone took something he made and destroyed it? Then I would talk about food, hunger, needs and wants. I would also explain the risk of choking and so it is important to eat when a grown up is there to watch. I would also say it is ok to ask for more food when he is hungry.

Re: Discipline issue (kinda long, sorry!)

ehhhh - I'm not sure.
Did you ever discuss with him that the candy and gingerbread house were not to be eaten?

I am totally on board with you being upset because he was sneaky about it -
but moreso about eating all of the candy when youi left the room without asking you

NOT the fact that he ate the candy off of the gingerbread house.

I mean, all of that candy, just sitting out there on the table ..........it's hard for a 3.5 year old to understand (or ANYONE to 'get it') that all of that candy is really just a decoration and 'for show' and not to actually be eaten. KWIM?

Discipline issue (kinda long, sorry!)

My DD is 3.5 and started lying. I had a conversation with her about lying and how it's not nice and you should always tell the truth. She hasn't really lied since our conversation, and if she does she will retract it a couple seconds later saying I am sorry mommy good I am not going to lie. I have been finding that taking away a prized possession works wayyyy better than a time out. So that is what we do. If she does something she is not supposed to, she gets warned. If she does it again I threaten the toy. Again the toy gets taken for a couple of hours. I do give her chances because she is pretty reasonable, but it also depends on what she does.

Re: Discipline issue (kinda long, sorry!)

I think you handled it right. I would keep it simple, and keep emphasizing the rule that he has to ask if he wants something to eat. He is not allowed to take it himself. I don't think you need to get into a lot of explanation, but if he asks why, you can just say you want to make sure it's something that is safe for him to eat or you don't want him to get a tummy ache or something like that.

If he breaks the rule, then I would impose a consequence (and if you can, tie it to the "crime"). Sometimes I tell my DS that if he takes a candy, treat, etc. without asking, I will throw it out or give the rest away, etc.

As far as the "sneaking" aspect - I would explain about asking, but I would also not be overly restrictive with sweets, especially this time of year. If he asks, I would allow it in moderation (let him have a cookie, a piece of candy, etc.). Or if it's right before dinner or something, tell him he can choose a treat after dinner for dessert. If he knows it's allowed in some way at some time, and it's not totally "forbidden fruit," it should cut down on the sneaking. Although I think at that age it's also sometimes an issue of asserting independence/feeling in control when they do things without asking.

But I would also try to put a lot of stuff out of sight and reach if you don't want him having it. Because let's face it, it's tempting. I can't resist a lot of holiday goodies, even when I know I shouldn't have them, so it's hard to expect a 3 year old, too, lol!

Re: Discipline issue (kinda long, sorry!)

I think I would have handled it as you did.

The candy was there calling his name I'm sure. My son is roughly the same age and I can see him doing the same thing, although he probably wouldn't care enough to wait until I left the room. Your son was a little smarter about it. LOL

Do you think the sneaking of food is an attention thing? Like to distract you from DS2?