Child needing to "Be First" Tantrums behavioral problems

My daughter (4 years old) is a very sensitive girl and has been having some behavioral problems lately..I have been trying to pay attention as to what is "setting her off" and I've notices about 80% of it is stemming from her needing to be first when doing things before her 2 1/2 year old sister.

For example-
-going down the stairs- she needs to walk first
-getting into the bathtub- she needs to get in first
-waking up in the morning and coming in my room- she needs to be the first one to come and see mommy

If she does not get her way or if my other daughter does something first she is unbelievably upset, screaming and crying and sometimes hitting for 20-30 minutes.. she is very hard to calm down.

MY QUESTION IS: Has anyone else experienced anything like this before and did you have any positive solutions for handing it? Is it just a phase?
It has been going on for a few months, I have tried forcing her to take turns doing things, explained that she cannot always be first, just sat hugging until she calms down.

I am at a loss and getting worried... HELP!
TIA

Message edited 11/9/2014 2:43:53 PM.

Child needing to

My daughter is 3 and is VERY competitive, she always has to win, be first etc... I try to explain to her it's ok to lose, to go second. When we play games I will win on purpose so she gets used to it. That usually ends in a tantrum, but I am just going to keep at it because you have to learn to face disappointment in life. I would just let her tantrum and eventually they will understand and get it.

Re: Child needing to "Be First" Tantrums behavioral problems

OMG my 3 year old does this and it makes me insane!

Re: Child needing to "Be First" Tantrums behavioral problems

One of my 4 yr old dds was like this, it was really bad, she is starting to grow out of it every once Ina while she gets upset like if I don't buckle her out of the car first. But she's pretty much over it
What did I do about it, not much. Just constantly telling her you can't always be first, and making sure her sister was first sometimes

Re: Child needing to "Be First" Tantrums behavioral problems

Ever since my kids were little, they are 7 and 5 now, I have instituted a taking turns policy. No one goes first all of the time. We make exceptions for when someone is sick, messy, or it is their birthday (I.e., vomit everywhere or most messy might need the bath first this night). I am also always mindful of telling both of them that I love them equally, and making sure to give equal time, and affection. Hth

Child needing to

My dd was like that until she heard the saying first is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest. Now if she isn't first she will just recite that and then it's ok she wasn't first lol

Re: Child needing to "Be First" Tantrums behavioral problems

Thank you all for your replies.. It has really effecting our life right now but I have some hope now that it is normal and if we keep at it she will outgrow.

Re: Child needing to "Be First" Tantrums behavioral problems

There was never really a 'has to be first' tantrum issue - but it's been my experience w/ my boys (3 & 5) that they really only flip out and throw a tantrum b/c they wanted the undivided attention.

Personally, I don't have the patience or tolerance to deal w/ it - so I don't -
I would simply tell them, when you're ready to talk, I'll be in the other room. - There have been times that I literally left them kicking and screaming on the floor and made a big show of stepping over them and leaving the room .........I never sat w/ them and calmed them through a tantrum -
To me, there's a difference between being upset b/c they are physically hurt, or scared etc ...when they need comforting - and throwing a fit just b/c they can't control themselves and want their way.

It worked for me w/ mine - they don't really completely fiip out at all knowing we're not going to entertain it -

Message edited 11/10/2014 1:44:50 PM.